ashamed, upset, embarrassed, angry....

[wasteofspace]

.

The first thing you need to do, really, is change your name on here to something other than wasteofspace, because you clearly aren't.

your rage did not cause the damage.

him pulling your ears, smakcing you with a remote control, shaking your head and then coming into a room and frightening your daughter to teh point where she felt it necessary to protect you...drove you to anger in a form of self defence. it is a perfectly natural reaction.

and causing a child to react teh way your dd did will seal his fate should he wish top fight you for the house. your child should not have to move and be unsettled because of HIS violance

Mamazon - God - you put up with it for ten years ? The fact that you stayed with him for DS's sake means that you, like me a bit I guess, thought it would be better for you to try to make a life together for the sake of your child Shame he wasn't on the same wavelength as you.

Thanks for telling me about your parents. Strangely enough, I was also estranged from mine for about 2 years. Apart from the odd comment about his drinking, his temper etc. Mum says "he's the best thing that ever happened to me". They live abroad so a weekend away isn't really an option.

I think they feel that I'm quite a volatile person and maybe that I deserve what I get. That sounds harsh but I'm hoping that once I move out and show that I can stand on my own two feet, they will forgive me my mistakes and support me a little.

It doesn't sound like you're good together.
You say you'll be able to move aout in a couple of months. From what I know of your situation, this sounds like the sensible thing to do.
Your daughter lives in a war zone? Then get her out.
You are in emotional tatters? Then you need to heal yourself.
If you can move forward without your DH, then It sounds like the sane thing to do.

Yeah, but they don't stop being your parents when you reach 18 or move out. They should be offering your their support even when you make bad choices in life. "The best thing that's ever happened to you"? Boy, your life must have been some kind of crapfest before he came along then! Are they mad??

Before you do anything, be sure of your rights and get some info on your local womens shelter. I know it's a road you don't want to go down (who does?) but if you try to get him to leave and he won't and it kicks off again, you need to have a backup plan. Can you discreetly pack a bag with some of yours and dd's stuff in it, just in case?

Howzat? Better, no?

Sorry guys - was my first name change and was feeling ashamed of myself. You guys have turned my shame around although there's a tiny nagging feeling that I'm still due a tiny apportionment of blame

FGS - what the hell am I going to say to the plumber?

WOS, if you'd seen two children, one of whom was tormenting the other, calling names, shouting, grabbing the other's head, pulling their ear, hitting them with a remote control - and then the other gave one shove and the first one fell against something that broke, what would you think?

WOWOS, MUCH better!

hunkermunker makes a LOT of sense with the kids analogy.

ROFL at my life being a "crapfest" Bananabump! I think they thought I was a bit of a "WOS" before he came along. He's the perfect DH to them - mostly 'cos he can cook and I'm more of a chicken nuggets kind of gal

Also, he rates well against my BIL who is a misogynist, racist freak of nature...

stay strong.
forgive yourself yur weaknesses.
hold onto your love for your dd, an hrs for you.
get yourself out of this situaton.
you cando it.
you CAN.

Oh, and the tormenting of the second child went on for three or four hours, btw.

you dont ned to tell the plumber anything. its none of his business.

much better name btw

if you want to talk off of the board then by all means email me or add me to msn
fattiemumma @msn .com

im off to bed now as im knackered but i have been where you are now, and you sound a lot like me 2 years ago.
I am more than happy to listen or help point you in the direction of help if you want.

Leave, leave, leave, hon! Get away from this miserable scumbag who is trying to isolate you from all support. You are a worthwhile human being who deserves better - and so do your dcs. The next time he lays a finger on you you can get the police to kick him out. Good luck.

Hurrah for the namechange!

I'm off to bed, but just to say, stay strong and stop blaming yourself!

Tell the plumber the truth. Maybe he'll punch him for you.

LynetteScavo - wise words. I promise I will keep reading this thread over the next few days to inject myself with strength.

I actually know a divorce lawyer who I can call on Tuesday to get some initial (free) advice re: assets and stuff.

Hunker - know what you mean about the kids thing. That's how I treated it - like a tantrum. You don't react to tantrums and unfortunately, there wasn't an able adult around to give him a time out. I just wish I hadn't resorted to the same type of behaviour...

Sorry to beat the drum of self-blame guys. I am trying so hard to turn the tables on him. I've no idea why my stupid brain keeps telling me that breaking the toilet is equal to four hours ranting and raving.

Ring the number on this page for more actual info about where you stand

And use us for support and cheering you on and the like.

Because we're good at that. And you're going to be strong enough to extract yourself from this situation. OK?

No, you have TOTALLY missed the point about the kids thing - if I'd seen those children (and not been able to intervene) I'd have thought "Oh, at last!" when the second one gave the first one a shove.

God yes, go to bed all of you - it's nearly blardy 1am and you're virtually holding my hand as if you've no DCs to take care of in T-minus however many hours until the little gems wake up

Mamazon - might take you up on the email thing, thank you so much for your kind offer. Although I feel slightly guilty comparing my situation to yours...

I think I'd have actually cheered!

Yeah, off to bed to rest the bump. My poor dp is snoring away on the sofa and will get a crick in his neck if I don't rouse him soon!

Best of luck, let us know how you get on. Hope you're feeling less of all the things in the thread title now.

LOL hunker - I do see what you mean. But nobody did see the four hours ranting whilst the toilet breaking incident was audible within a 3 mile radius of the house!

Oh for the luxury of indoor CCTV so that I could nail the bastard instead of him getting away on a technicality

wowos - your new name says it all...
please try to remember that the problem is HIS.
i have to go to bed now... but do keep coming back to mn. and do, fgs, keep remembering and holding onto that selfsame rage which led to the toilet being broken. that rage was RIGHT.
his behaviour is unacceptable and inexcusable. you must NOT put up with it anymore.

it wasn't 4 hours of ranting and ravng. it was 4 hours of ABUSE

if a child is naughty does that mean he should be subjected to 4 hours of abuse?

do you think that if you were hitting someone in the street for hours on end they would be wrong to push you away?

the self blame is common, its why these men get away with it for so long. you just need to de programme the way your brain has been made to think