9 months pregnant and another woman is trying to destroy my marriage

[Ree101]

I don't know why I'm posting this... I suppose I need to vent, and I'm interested in what people think.

Long story short... my husband made friends with a female colleague (let's call her Anita) who joined his firm a few months ago. He talked about her to me sometimes - she's a few years younger, very junior, and needed someone to put an arm round her. She's from a very strict Indian family and my husband encouraged her to make friends and enjoy the social aspect of their jobs.

Last week he got a call from Anita's parents and sister, from Anita's phone, at midnight. They were calling to say Anita had taken an overdose and that it's his fault she OD'd.

Why? Because of the "affair" he's having with Anita, coupled with the fact he has led her astray by inviting her to team drinks and basically being a part of the new life she has started to create for herself.

Anita's family threatened the following:

1. destroy his career (as he has "taken advantage of an addict")
2. destroy his marriage to me, by ensuring I see proof of the affair and therefore leave him
3. ensure he never gets to see his child (I'm 9 months pregnant and they know this)
4. have him killed by "Jamaican drug lords who will do anything they tell them"

To make sure I see evidence of the alleged affair, I've had Anita's sister add me to Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. I blocked her on Facebook but I've let her access me on the other platforms, as if she has as much evidence as she claims, I'd love to see it. My husband is curious to see what they come up with as he is adamant that they have not so much as kissed, whereas the family reckon they have messages of Anita and my husband expressing their love for one another.

Anita emailed my husband saying this is all her fault, she's sorry, and she'll be back at work tomorrow so she wants to talk to him by phone. He's not going to the office - he is working from home given I'm due to give birth in 2 days. Anita said she made her family swear to leave us alone but here we are with Anita's sister adding me to every social media platform going.

This is really stressing me out and upsetting me even though I don't believe my husband has been having an affair with Anita.

What kind of woman deliberately sets out to devastate a woman who's 9 months pregnant??

Goodness!
What a soap opera.
Best your husband keeps it very , very professional with 'Anita' from now on !

Phone the police non emergency number for advice re harassment under the Telecommunications Act. Block the sister is the first advice you’ll be given. Have you checked your dh’s phone/devices?

I'd say that your DH has got a lot of explaining to do, and I'd want to meet Anita face to face with him.

It sounds very "odd" OP to say the least............... I'm sorry you're dealing with this so late into your pregnancy. Take care of yourself.

How certain is certain that absolutely nothing has gone on? If you absolutely believe him- and I’m not saying you shouldn’t, I’ve met nutters and liars in the past too, sometimes both at the same time- I’d try and ignore while making sure your husband speaks to his direct boss/line manager/HR as appropriate and go from there.

I'd be demanding all the evidence they have and talking to Anita. Also taking the threats to the police

Your DH should report this to HR, especially if she’s a direct report.

I would be contacting both the Police re the harassment and your H's HR department. They certainly need to speak to Anita.

Tell your husband to ring HR tomorrow and report it.

His response should tell you a lot, as if he’s been shagging her he won’t want to do it, and will probably say something like ‘she’s in a bad place, I can’t do that to her’

If he hasn’t been shagging her, he’ll be furious and scared by what’s happened, and should ring HR and report it

He needs to be absolutely frank with you now about anything at all that he has done in reality or that might have been misconstrued - because sounds like it will come out.

Definitely contact the police and HR, he must not talk to her on the phone. Written only from here!!!

Good luck

I know there is never a good time and right now is especially bad, however wouldn't you like to see the messages if they exist?

This might have been blown out of all proportion due to some kind of ethnicity related culture clash but then again, it may have legs. I am leaning toward the latter at the moment. When partners regularly talk about other people, especially of the opposite sex, it can be a signal.

It doesn't sound like Anita is trying to destroy your marriage. It sounds like her family are trying to destroy her having a life outside their strict rules.

They've had time to phone and add you on social media but not send the 'proof? And a strict Indian family has a Jamaican drug lord to do their bidding? Does that sound real? Does any of it sound real?

They feel that Anita is dishonouring the family by drinking and making friends, and your husband is in the firing line because he, a man outside their family and culture and therefore not approved of, has been nice to her.

I'd actually be very concerned for Anita. The way her family is reacting could indicate she isn't safe.

Hold off on blaming husband until this so called proof arrives, which I doubt is any thing more than work messages. If they are extremely strict than any contact with a none family male would be seen as dishonouring the family.

From what you say it isn't at all clear that Anita has done anything wrong.

Perhaps her 'very strict Indian family' have got completely the wrong end of the stick; there may be no OD at all, and for your DH's name to have come up, it could be that Anita just said there was a guy at work who had been kind to her.

Anita might be the other victim in this particular piece of nastiness, and she might benefit from being in touch with somebody like Karma Nirvana.

Your husband needs to report the family's threats to him to the police.

And he needs to tell his manager and HR ASAP on Monday morning.

This is too serious for him to try to deal with alone and it doesn't sound like Anita's family are going to back off unfortunately.

I totally agree with you @Thingsdogetbetter

If Anita is not in work tomorrow, I would be very concerned for her welfare. This sounds really sinister. If Anita is contacting your DH, she clearly hasn't taken an overdose. Something deeply unpleasant appears to be going on in that house.

Are you sure the sister is a real person, and this isn’t all Anita? Tbh, if she has proof of an affair she would have sent it already. What would be the point of letting you know but not proving it? I’d go to the police, personally

Your DH should report this to HR immediately. For Anita's sake and for his own. It will also give you a small amount of peace of mind that 'the truth will out' once the situation is in a formal state.
I feel desperately sorry for you. Whatever the truth, you are being caught in the middle of a very stressful situation when 9 months pregnant. someone is giving zero regard for your wellbeing.

Why would they make it up? And why did Anita take an over dose because of it? There's too much going on here that needs explaining. There's no smoke without fire as they say

It's either true or she's a stalker - if he's not bothered / panicking and keen to see this evidence I'd guess stalker!

DH should be letting HR know that he is terribly concerned for Anita who is clearly being bullied by her family. & also you should both be contacting the police as Anita's family are making threats against you both.

If DH isn't happy to do either of these, then to be honest, I'd be worried that there's something in it.

It doesn't sound like 'another woman trying to destroy your marriage' so much as 'another woman has a batshit family' OR DH has been up to something.

Horrid situation for you either way .

I too totally agree with @Thingsdogetbetter

I’d be concerned that Anita didn’t actually take an overdose at all but has instead suffered at the hands of her family. I’d suspect the overdose is just the cover story designed to finger your husband as the cause and to destroy any possible relationship (I’m not talking affair, literally any relationship) their daughter might have with anyone (your husband in particular) at work and to prevent her from behaving in a way that they perceive as bringing shame to their family.

You can’t imagine how strictly oppressive especially with regards to daughters some families can be, even if it appears that they are not from the outside.

I’d be inclined to give your DH the benefit of doubt here and indeed be very concerned about this poor girl. Indeed if they actually had any evidence you’d have seen it all by now.

**Your husband needs to report the family's threats to him to the police.

And he needs to tell his manager and HR ASAP on Monday morning.**

^I would do this

Could not agree more with @lillygolightly

She might have a crush on your husband and he quite likes the admiration.He needs to be firm without being cruel and set firm boundaries with younger women .