9 months pregnant and another woman is trying to destroy my marriage

[Ree101]

I don't know why I'm posting this... I suppose I need to vent, and I'm interested in what people think.

Long story short... my husband made friends with a female colleague (let's call her Anita) who joined his firm a few months ago. He talked about her to me sometimes - she's a few years younger, very junior, and needed someone to put an arm round her. She's from a very strict Indian family and my husband encouraged her to make friends and enjoy the social aspect of their jobs.

Last week he got a call from Anita's parents and sister, from Anita's phone, at midnight. They were calling to say Anita had taken an overdose and that it's his fault she OD'd.

Why? Because of the "affair" he's having with Anita, coupled with the fact he has led her astray by inviting her to team drinks and basically being a part of the new life she has started to create for herself.

Anita's family threatened the following:

1. destroy his career (as he has "taken advantage of an addict")
2. destroy his marriage to me, by ensuring I see proof of the affair and therefore leave him
3. ensure he never gets to see his child (I'm 9 months pregnant and they know this)
4. have him killed by "Jamaican drug lords who will do anything they tell them"

To make sure I see evidence of the alleged affair, I've had Anita's sister add me to Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. I blocked her on Facebook but I've let her access me on the other platforms, as if she has as much evidence as she claims, I'd love to see it. My husband is curious to see what they come up with as he is adamant that they have not so much as kissed, whereas the family reckon they have messages of Anita and my husband expressing their love for one another.

Anita emailed my husband saying this is all her fault, she's sorry, and she'll be back at work tomorrow so she wants to talk to him by phone. He's not going to the office - he is working from home given I'm due to give birth in 2 days. Anita said she made her family swear to leave us alone but here we are with Anita's sister adding me to every social media platform going.

This is really stressing me out and upsetting me even though I don't believe my husband has been having an affair with Anita.

What kind of woman deliberately sets out to devastate a woman who's 9 months pregnant??

On the scale of strange things the ops dh being completely innocent and Anita being a victim of her family also ... doesn’t even appear. It seems very likely this is all true. The doubters are seriously projecting if they don’t think the ops dh can be on the level.

I will say though, Indian families aren’t usually AS strict, from the ones that I have known. But you get a mix in all cultures

I have Indian family and friends and have never heard anything so absurd.

My (Non Indian) extended family have been at least this mad, in a very repressed English way. When people go a bit crackers, it’s not because of their culture but it’s not surprising if the madness takes on a slight tinge of aspects of culture.

I mean, I also have Asian relatives, but they’re all very normal and calm, so I can’t say for sure how their family madness would manifest itself and if it would take on a cultural flavour at all. I could try provoking them into some batshittery as an experiment, I suppose 😏

OP I feel for both of you! X

Taco no, I'm not one of "those" people. Not even said the DH is having an affair. That's in your own mind. I simply don't buy that he's super-innocent in all this as I'm not gullible.

It's perfectly possible to behave unprofessionally and it doesn't mean you've been physical, surely you know that.

This story has so many bells on its ringing. Its the Indian families and Jamaican drug lords aspects that have most people believing it's
all definitely true.

Anita is an employee - but her sister isn't. HR can't do a thing. Unless of course they sack Anita by association.
It's a police matter they can't go after the sister can they.

Still, the police will get to the bottom of it & they won't focus on believing just 1 person, they'll be thorough. That should be the end of it

The DH needs to maintain being proactive in resolving all this quickly so OP can get peace, which she should be having at this stage.

Presumably it's well on way to being all resolved by now anyway. I'm not going to scroll up to RTFT right now

OP good about contacting the police and HR. Hopefully they can get to the bottom of things, sack that woman, and you and your DH can get back to normal life.

Boundaries haven't been maintained here. That's exactly why his family have her phone number and are able to directly contact making threats, and incredibly,have access to you on FB & social media?!

I don't agree with this at all, and who has whose phone number in this sentence?
Finding someone on social media is the work of a few seconds, usually, unless they're John Smith.
And the 'Jamaican drug lord' thing - they're less likely to be the 'lord' variety, than the user type. If the girl's father is a pharmacist, he may be licensed to dispense methadone, in which case he would come into superficial contact with drug users, which he could then possibly big-note as 'drug-lords' (which they're definitely not).

I cannot for a moment see a pharmacist asking a Jamaican drug lord for anything.
a. it leaves him vulnerable for blackmail etc in the future
b. The drug lords will not be interested in a pharmacist- they have their own sources, he might know a few petty criminals with a drug habit but the big boys won't be on a methadone programme
OPs husband could report the father to the GPhC who would be very interested in the relationship he is claiming. I am sure he would enjoy the chat with the inspector .
That is probably too inflamatory at the moment.

The DH has acted unprofessionally by blurring boundaries. He isn't 'Anita's' friend. He's her superior. She's only been in post a short time and he already knows about her 'strict' family; her 'abusive' ex, etc. He's regularly socialising with her.

It's possible to be friendly, polite and maintain appropriate boundaries. Women manage it all the time in management positions.

I'm sure he isn't the only man in his organisation but he's the only one who has been dragged into whatever this is because he left himself vulnerable. Here's hoping the involvement of HR will lead to some appropriate training on cultural sensitivities and managing staff.

I've worked as corporate counsel in exec leadership for some years now and there is no way any even half decent company would make the statement regarding support as alleged.

Hope everything is ok now!