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Original poster

Is this husbands happily ever after or will he regret it?

90 replies

Lemoncup · 01/07/2018 15:27

Hi,
For those who have had an affair or been cheated on could you tell me your story? or if you have an opinion Smile I'm just finding it hard to accept that this has happened. I'm not looking for a prediction or anything its just I've convinced myself that this is his happily ever after and its killing me.

We were together 10years, married for 4. He left me 2months ago, he developed feelings for another woman, a much younger, slimmer woman and he wanted to see where that would lead. He also informed me that he had checked out about 4months before we split. We had a baby a year ago and he said he didn't feel wanted anymore, he was just a there to pay the bills and that we had different lives now. All he would say is that he wanted his wife back, I had postnatal depression. He also mentioned that he hated coming home because he didn't feel appreciated, especially when he had someone at work who was 'hanging on his every word'. He told me as well that she reminds him a lot of myself when we first met.
In the first few weeks after we split we were talking everyday, still being intimate behind his gfs back, I know this was wrong so please don't scorn me, she does know. He told me and his gf (separately) that he wished he could go back and fix us, that he regrets being so hasty in ending our marriage and destroying his family but that it was too late the damage had been done. Couple of weeks ago he said he's happy now and that it was the right thing to do with no regrets.
Now he saying that he doesn't feel like he's living his life, that he's just floating along and that none of it feels real. I'm so confused Confused

Side note: He had to emotional affairs behind my back, one whilst pregnant and another 6months after we got married. Also he 'heavily flirted' with a few other women.

OP posts:
yorkshireyummymummy · 01/07/2018 15:30

I have nothing to give you but ((((hugs))))

I just hope you come out of the other side of this soon and havea happy life.

Shockers · 01/07/2018 15:31

He won’t be able to have a happy ever after until he stops needing someone (anyone by the sound of it) else to make him happy.

It’s impossible.

Kelsoooo · 01/07/2018 15:33

Wow he sounds like an ex friend of mine.

I highly doubt he has found his happy ever after

But I'm convinced you need to steer clear of him and focus on making yourself happy. He will only bring you sadness.

BettyBaggins · 01/07/2018 15:33

Your happy ever after can never be with him Flowers

SandyY2K · 01/07/2018 15:34

Until you mentioned the first 2 affairs I thought differently.

I doubt he'll be satisfied in this new relationship if that's how he carries on.

Thingsdogetbetter · 01/07/2018 15:38

Bloody hell. He's playing you like a fiddle. It's all about him and his wants, his feelings, his fragile ego. You shouldn't be listening to his shite, let alone analysing and being confused by it. He couldn't cope with not being more important than a tiny baby. He wants attention from women, any women. And you're allowing yourself to continue being on his list of woman who pay him attention.

Just stop! Stop letting him play you. Stop letting yourself be picked up and dropped. Stop wondering if he's sorry he left. He is never going to change. So you're going to have to.

3DSpex · 01/07/2018 15:39

He sounds awful. Cheating on you while pregnant and leaving you for another woman when your baby is barely a year old? Not exactly catch of the century.

I predict you’ll be the one with the happy future...and it won’t involve him.

ijustwannadance · 01/07/2018 15:39

He will never be happy and always find a way of making it your fault. He's stringing you along so you don't find someone else whilst he is waiting to see if the latest fling sticks.

You need to start planning your future without him.

MIdgebabe · 01/07/2018 15:41

You talk Too much about him and not enough about you. What is goin to make you happy ( hint, he isn't the answer)

anaa1 · 01/07/2018 15:47

To me there is nothing so deeply unattractive and unsexy as a man who is so weak that he leaves his wife and new child for reasons like yours has. He is immature, needy and selfish and should be left to get on searching for his ‘happy ever after’ (excuse me while I puke) and now you are free to find a decent man who has the backbone to have a real relationship with you. Good luck - onward and upward!

AnyFucker · 01/07/2018 15:48

Please don't tell me you would have him back if he crooked his little finger

Bowlofbabelfish · 01/07/2018 15:52

We had a baby a year ago and he said he didn't feel wanted anymore

Ah. One of them. Basically, a man who is threatened and sulking that he’s no longer the centre of attention because he’s had a baby. Think for a moment what kind of a man is jealous of a baby.

And emotional affairs? You’re well rid.

gigigigigigigig · 01/07/2018 15:54

He sounds like a big baby and utterly pathetic. He obviously expected all of your attention even after you child was born, and is throwing his toys out of the pram.

He's a loser and needs to grow up.

Juells · 01/07/2018 15:57

In the first few weeks after we split we were talking everyday, still being intimate behind his gfs back, I know this was wrong so please don't scorn me, she does know.

It wasn't wrong of you, it was wrong of him. I wouldn't scorn you for that, you're desperate for a bit of affection and he's taken advantage of that.

He's stringing you both along and making you both responsible for his happiness. He doesn't give a shit whether you're happy or not, it's your job to keep him happy.

Useless sack of shit. Stop making yourself available. When you needed him, for the first time, he left.

ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 01/07/2018 15:57

Ahh so he has form. All his blaming you for changing post-pregnancy is bullshit. This wasn't him having his head turned, this is who he is, and this is what happens when you give an unremorseful cheat a second chance. Please stop doing the pick me dance, you are worth so much more.

Arum51 · 01/07/2018 15:59

I'm sorry this has happened. No, it's not his 'happy ever after', he's too selfish and immature for that to ever happen. He'll always be chasing attention, forever feeling things aren't quite how he'd like them. DD1 compares it to mindlessly standing there, feeding money into the fruit machine, pressing the button over and over again, watching the lights flash, waiting for the big payout that he just knows will come, one day.

Your relationship with him is over. Get a solicitor, and take back control of your life. Flowers

Bowlofbabelfish · 01/07/2018 16:03

Will it be his happy ever after? As long as she stays slim, and child free, and makes sure he’s the centre of the universe. If she has a child, or stops centreing him the cycle will begin again. In fact it probably will anyway, because blaming the woman for ‘changing’ is what men do to avoid acknowledging the fact that they are the problem.

It’s a hard time for you, Flowers

Make sure he’s paying child support and you get a fair divorce settlement.

Inertia · 01/07/2018 16:05

He’ll never be satisfied, because as soon as life gets a little bit more challenging all he can focus on is getting his ego stroked.

He’ll regret what he’s lost when he sees you move on to a new life with your children, he’ll regret the loss of the relationship with his children, he’ll regret having to pay out towards two households, he’ll regret having to give you a share of his pension. But by the time he regrets it, you ‘ll be glad to see the back of him, because you will have moved on.

happypoobum · 01/07/2018 16:07

OK, you need to stop making this all about him, his behaviour, his needs. Let me tell you something - he ain't that special. He is a selfish, manipulative, untrustworthy cheat.

You need to start focusing on yourself and rebuilding your self esteem. Do not see him. Do not communicate with him unless it is by email/text about child contact. Do not allow him in your home, and FGS stop shagging him - where's your self respect?

Do you have a really strong friend you can channel? Imagine you are the kind of woman who takes no shit. Be her, even if you know you are faking it til you make it.

You are so well rid of him, he's a disgusting joke.

AsleepAllDay · 01/07/2018 16:08

Definitely not in any shape for a happily ever after! He sounds like he needs a dose of reality, to be an adult & maybe do some counselling. He's going to keep bouncing from relationship to affair and around and nothing will make him happy - he's like a black hole who needs mess in his life to feel good. Never lasts

LuluJakey1 · 01/07/2018 16:08

You do not want this man back under any circumstances. He is a man who is always looking for 'something better' more exciting as he sees it- someone who will adore him, admire him, thank him, praise him, look up to him, lavish affection and attention on him. He is selfish and all about himself.
He does not seem to realise a marriage is hard work, you make vows to love, honour and cherish and that involves you in hard work when the going gets tough or the days are a bit boring or your partner needs support. God knows pregnancy, birth and children make marriage tough and you must be absolutely drained with his behaviour on top of that and PND. You deserve so much better than this man. Please please put yourself first and do not pander to him in any way. Do not be there for him to pop back to or talk to. Don't give him the option. You make the right choice for you and your baby.

Alfiemoon1 · 01/07/2018 16:14

Forget his happy ever after and find yours without him

hammeringinmyhead · 01/07/2018 16:16

I have absolutely zero respect for men who stamp their feet and whine like little boys that they're not getting enough attention. Funnily enough if younger slimmer woman has children he will find himself in the exact same position except paying two women child support...

Lostalldirection · 01/07/2018 16:16

Oh Lemoncup what a selfish man.

Your DH hasn't found his happily ever after and I bet in time his new relationship will fizzle out when the 'newness and thrill' of it has calmed down.

He sounds incredibly self-centered. Everything is about him, he doesn't feel wanted anymore, he wants his wife back, he doesn't feel appreciated, any thought in there for his wife who has also had her life tipped upside down with the arrival of a new baby and perhaps would also like to feel wanted, appreciated and be her old self instead of a mum sometimes.

He has said some really hurtful things to you. Telling you she reminds him of you when you first met, so basically 10 years ago when you were younger I'm assuming slimmer and care free. Telling you he's happy now and it was the right thing to do with no regrets - even if he has gone back on it it was still an incredibly hurtful thing to say to you.

As an outsider it looks very much like he has lapped up the attention this woman has showered him with and made him feel the bees knees again. Well this is what happens at the start of a new relationship, you hang on each others every word, you can't get enough of each other. But it calms down.

In the past he's had emotional affairs and heavily flirted, he's then moved on to have an actual 'real' affair and leave you for the other woman. If you take him back I really do think he will do it again, and leave you again. He's clearly someone who loves the thrill of the chase and his ego being stroked. Men like that rarely change.

pallisers · 01/07/2018 16:21

He is never going to be happy. As soon as real life starts - children, illnesses, he'll feel unappreciated and will move on.

He will never be faithful to you so if that is a minimum requirement for you, then it is over.

I suggest you stop looking at this from his point of view (and his gf should do the same). Who cares if he is happy, if he is floating along, if he isn or isn't living his life. Who really gives a shit? Why does he have 2 women flapping around him trying to see if he is happy or not. Ignore him. Decide what you want out of life - if it is a mature man who wil be faithful to you and care about you your ex is not going to be any use. Tell him you no longer care what he wants. What you want is xyz. If you are foolish enough to want him back, tell him you want your marriage to continue and he has 2 days to move back in and commit or else jog on forever. I do hope you take this opportunity to be rid of him though.