Is this too much? Or am I wrong?

[rockstarchick]

Honest opinions please

So I've met someone.......long story short I said I want to take things slow and he agreed

We've had a 5 or so dates over a few weeks or so which have all been really nice. I like him.

He's very complimentary, messages all the time, says things such as I'm perfect and even told me he is falling for me. I've told him I need to take things slow and he said of course he feels the same
Then last night, he's messaging constantly even though I was at a family event and I was saying i didn't wanna be on my phone all night
Anyway he's told me I'm pushing him away, because I haven't been treated right in the past ( which I haven't ) then this is why I'm acting like I am because I got quite cross and frustrated with him because I felt like he wasn't listening to me.

I've told him I do like him but I don't want to rush or declare my un dying love which means I don't want a relationship right now because I want to take my time this time
I don't know if I should end it now or am I actually the one in the wrong
He said it was strange that I didn't wanna hear nice things?!
I said it I'm just not used to it

Please help

I think he is overwhelming you, not lustenunv and pushing it far too fast- big red flags for me and I would end it.

Listening😳

Such a shame, I feel sad and confused because i did actually like him. I've even tried to talk to him once before, we talk for hours and hours and sometimes I feel it's too much x

Yep ,far too much. He isn't 'treating you right' if he is forcing you to text him when you clearly told him you didn't want to. He's not a nice guy and that behaviour is enough of a red flag to end this before it starts.

He's a headfuck. It's perfectly reasonable to be at a social event and not want persistent texts/calls from one's bf/oh. For him to turn it around to you having issues is a very clear sign that he is one to avoid. He's a gaslighting, needy controller.

Exactly that's my gut
He said you don't have to message me back?! I said you knew I was seeing all my family who I haven't seen in a while - my family are all older generation and hate phones so fair enough I didn't wanna be texting on it all night either
So my phones pinging and I'm supposed to just ignore it I said why not wait until today when I'm next seeing him ?!
We are seeing each other tonight so I don't know wether to go and have a face to face chat with him or not.

Oh god yeah I know that's my gut feeling but it's so early days
So I've come from an abusive relationship and one relationship who was controlling so I know the warning signs
But he said that I was comparing my shitty ex's to him and he's a good guy and I shouldn't x

I would speak to him and sort it out now as he is being pushy/possessive. But it is a red flag if he is being like this already. I wouldn't expect it now from my husband!

Get rid. You already know where this is headed. Sorry.

What would have happened if you’d ignored the texts? If he got shirty then you know it’s a problem. Why not try that today?

I wouldn't bother speaking to him. Just end it, stone dead and NC. He's trying to control you now and you've only been on 5 or so dates. How entitled do you think he's going to feel when you've got 6 or 12 month of a relationship under your belt.

I wouldn't. He's ignoring your perfectly reasonable boundaries and then blaming you and your "issues".

It's also ill-mannered to constantly text you while you're spending time with family - or anyone. He wanted to make sure he was constantly on your mind and unable to relax and enjoy yourself.

He thought he was more important than you and the people you were visiting.

Have you thought he may have homed in on you as a bit vulnerable after your previous relationship?

Life's too short for this kind of carry-on. Plenty more men around, don't put up with one who is causing drama already. Or ever, actually.

I know what a nightmare
Lol this is why I didn't wanna date as I don't feel ready but I've been single a fair while and I thought it might do me good!
He's absolutely fine and chilled when we are together then it's obviously a few days where I dont see him and I get texts like he really misses me, can't wait to see me, ' Friday seems to far away ' at Wednesday and I'm cool with it so then I think maybe it's me?! Like I don't have a chance to miss him or anything and then I think I wouldn't want someone who messes me about either
When I spoke to him the 3rd time he didn't seem to think he was doing anything wrong and it was very very slow! Last night was the same x

It would put me off tbh. Also a sign that he hasn’t got anything else going on in his life.

Oddsock thats so true
These are all my concerns
I have been trying to back off in the texts actually and it's been ok
Just last night it was too much again
Yeah that really annoyed me the texting last night I was thinking he knows I'm with my family and he's typing war and peace
Saying what have you said about me
Can't wait to meet the family
When he knows I wanna take it slow !!! Argh!!
I think I will talk to him today though doesn't feel right nc or block or anything

Red flags op
Also if you're out and he texts you but it's not urgent then try not replying. Put your phone on silent and in your bag. It's ok not to reply immediately.

Men hi say they’re good guys are rarely good guys. Genuinely good guys show it by their actions so don’t need to verbalise it.

This one is not a keeper, it’s a shame but well done for spitting the bunting.

Spotting, even

Exactly! He has told me he is a nice lovely genuine guy I think 100 times !!! I've even said yes I know I don't think anything but however show it to me over time!!
So intense but there's a balance my ex was horrible, had a temper, never complimented me, and I think I'm on alert now
Came on here incase I was missing something
Felt a bit last night what's wrong with me?! Slept on it and have a bad feeling x

Cross posted - blimey he’s really pushing your boundaries, RUN!

You don’t push to meet the blimmin’ family after five dates, it’s really not on. He’s trying to pin you down because he’s already struggling to keep up the nice guy persona.

I agree it sounds too much. But tbh I would have turned off my phone to solve the problem. You can set your own boundaries - not be led by someone else.

That's true I could have done. Or not replied then that would have shown him
I'm learning 😁x

It sounds like he's more into you than you are into him which is creating an imbalance and making him needy.
Yes, you could have ignored the texts (that's what I would have done) but when you asked him not to text he should have listened to you. That's the first red flag. And the second is to then put it all onto you and to not accept his own responsibility.

See what he says today. And listen to your misgivings if he still won't accept that he is the problem.

His actions should tell you what he is, not his words. Anyone can say nice things but the way he is acting is trying to ruin your evening by making himself your focus of attention and guilt-tripping you into accepting it by accusing you of pushing him away. It won't be long before you find yourself not going out because it's too much hassle. Massive red flag!

Yeah maybe see I like him however it's sooo early days that anything could change that you know? Either way ?
I'm far from perfect and he tells me I am and I'm thinking maybe I'm not that into him but because he's so full on he doesn't give me a chance
I enjoy his company, we get on like a house on fire when we are together and chat for hours and there is chemistry but I can't be dealing with the love sick texts and then I think maybe it's because I'm not as in to him
He's the 1 st person I've dated since my 4 yr relationship with my ex
X