Is this too much? Or am I wrong?

[rockstarchick]

Honest opinions please

So I've met someone.......long story short I said I want to take things slow and he agreed

We've had a 5 or so dates over a few weeks or so which have all been really nice. I like him.

He's very complimentary, messages all the time, says things such as I'm perfect and even told me he is falling for me. I've told him I need to take things slow and he said of course he feels the same
Then last night, he's messaging constantly even though I was at a family event and I was saying i didn't wanna be on my phone all night
Anyway he's told me I'm pushing him away, because I haven't been treated right in the past ( which I haven't ) then this is why I'm acting like I am because I got quite cross and frustrated with him because I felt like he wasn't listening to me.

I've told him I do like him but I don't want to rush or declare my un dying love which means I don't want a relationship right now because I want to take my time this time
I don't know if I should end it now or am I actually the one in the wrong
He said it was strange that I didn't wanna hear nice things?!
I said it I'm just not used to it

Please help

Well, to be fair, if he had responded ‘well’ to your conversation you might be in some doubt as to if you had done the right thing. At least now you know.

Why would he need to keep telling you he's a lovely bloke when surely his actions would make that loud and clear? (clue - talk is cheap and he's not a lovely bloke)

Bullet well and truly dodged!

Yes I was just thinking that
I was expecting him to be really lovely and oh I'll slow down, let's still go tonight ( he's booked a meal at his fave restaurant ) and I was honestly looking forward to it
I've bought a new dress and shoes my lo is at her dads and it was such a nice thought all week
So at least his reaction was the best one
I haven't blocked him yet as I've not been back online but he's called, then sent 3 what's app saying sorry I feel this way if I wanna still see him let him know and he has does class me as a friend as I had said about being a friend and if he cared about me like he said he did etc
I haven't replied I won't I'm still actually about angry with that comment and his ignorance that its not HIM that's been totally unreasonable
since told 2 friends and they also said well rid x

And especially with me saying
Don't keep saying your a nice bloke you don't have to and he says he needs to
Strange x

@DownTownAbbey
An Iago, brilliant description! I was married to an Iago. Constantly told me how honest he was.
Turned out to be the most deeply dishonest person I have ever known.
Personality Disorder levels, totally embedded in his character.
He was a self-proclaimed Nice Guy too. No acknowledgement of boundaries either. Constant bombardment of phone calls and later, texts.

That was a fun couple of decades until I escaped.

Glad you’re listening OP and have all this support and encouragement.

I knew a guy who kept telling me how great he was. When things didn't go his way it became obvious he had an enormous chip on his shoulder about women treating him badly. They hadn't.

God I've had such bad luck
Ass after ass for different reasons my ex had a temper
This one was ' chilled ' and had to keep telling me how chilled he was
And everything was cool but then would go full steam ahead
Makes me want to stay single x

Don't give up heart. It's lovely to meet someone nice especially after being in an abusive relationship. Get out and enjoy yourself. Chat to.lots of people. Maybe avoid Tinder. My friends son (30) met his now wife on Match.com. it was an amazing match and they have a baby now.

Don't let this experience put you off. You sussed him out pretty quickly so give yourself a pat on the back.

Good luck!!

Yeah I know I'm better off
Thank you xx

Have you done the Freedom programme or anything like that?

This guy is red flag city, so I'm glad you've ended things. Trying to push things too fast, lovebombing and making out there's something wrong with you for not going along are classic early warning signs.

After not replying to his other messages, he's just sent one saying he thinks we should meet up later to talk face to face, that we are both free and that he feels sad and wants to help and support me
😐😐😐

Yes - the pity party stage...

Don't, he's just angling to talk you round.

Perhaps reply to say "It's best if we make a clean break. Please respect my wishes by not contacting me further. Best wishes."

Also, make sure you're not free by seeing some friends or something and having other things to get on with.

Don't be upset if he gets nasty OP, the 'good' guys often do if you don't appreciate them in the way they deserve.

He sent me a message saying he's not sure why I'm ignoring him?! So I've said because of the comment about seeing someone
He then says he meant speak to a friend
What an absolute gob shyte! He's blocked me on Facebook, what an absolute tool x it's laughable x

Please block his number, his messages will go from desperate to full on abusive.

Help and support YOU. Ffs again backhandedly tell you you are broken and wrong. Manipulation 101. Bloody cheek. Block. Ignore. And pat yourself on the back for seeing through his shite so quickly! Mr i'm a nice guy can go try he's tricks on someone who isn't so clued up!

Your past few posts just reek of him telling you how you should think, how you should feel and denying you the right to make your own decisions. He obviously doesn't respect you as a person or accept that you have the right to know your own mind.

You're almost there. Please don't get pulled back in out of pity or fear your being too harsh. He's got all the classic signs of a controller. The love-bombing, gaslighting, constantly telling you how you should think and how good a guy he is, incessant texting when you're socialising without him. These are all straight out the controlling abuser's playbook.

If you have to be blunt, don't be afraid to be brutally blunt. Too many decent people get cornered by bad-uns that won't take no for an answer because they don't like to cause offense. If someone pushes an issue to the point where the only option left is to tell them to fuck off then it is their fault, not yours.

What does the stupid fucker think you need "support" with ?

I know I didn't need any fucking support, he s referring to my shitty ex but I am actually ok x
Apart from meeting him x

He's a dick

God the breath-taking arrogance of the man to tell you what you think / need after a handful of dates and constant irritating behaviour from him! Hope you find a friend to go out with tonight in your new outfit

I'm as needy as fuck when I'm with someone, but am able to rein it in. If whoever I'm seeing is out with family/friends, I DO NOT MESSAGE. I would be aghast at myself if I did! I recognise and manage my insecurities as best I can. This man was clearly not doing that, and as pps have said, was trying to tell you how to feel and think.

Very well done on spotting it and posting here for opinions!

You’ve dodged a bullet there. Block him from contacting you because he’s bound to get nasty. Fancy implying you need ‘help’!! Absolutely laughable. I’ve met men like this before. Unhinged honestly. Enjoy your night anyway whatever you decide to do