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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He made me eat paper

509 replies

Cantspellbutimmagic · 28/06/2018 03:02

I’m stuck in my situation
I know I can’t get out but it helps to write

Tonight after 3 days non stop verbal abuse or complete silence towards me
My husband found some pictures I drew of how I felt ( sad faces ect )

That day - he called his parents to our table
He said I had to explain myself and the images

I said it’s just how I feel , I draw sad things when I’m sad

He called the kids to watch and He said You have two options

Eat your drawings now or I will devorse you and take it all

I said no I won’t ?!? Why would you even suggest such things

After arguing about this for a while and refusing , his mum started pleading with me to eat the paper

After sometime he held me against the wall and shoved it all in my mouth then pushed me in the floor in front of our family

I can’t belive I was made to eat paper I’m so upset this has happened to me . And they saw

Has anyone ever heard of this before ?

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 15/07/2018 08:33

Call the police at once, what kind of maniac does this in front of his whole family. It sounds as if his mother has been abused as well.
Leave before your children become abusers as well.

beanaseireann · 15/07/2018 09:44

Cantspellbutimmagic are you in the UK at the moment** ?
If so you can get help.
If not, will you be able to get back to the UK soon ?

Lisaloolops · 15/07/2018 12:32

That's so kind of your husband Changedmyname, I do hope OP accepts his offer x fingers crossed x

Original poster
Cantspellbutimmagic · 17/07/2018 20:33

Can’t live like this anymore

OP posts:
Justturned50 · 17/07/2018 20:38

What can we do to help OP?

Oldbutstillgotit · 17/07/2018 20:48

Please talk to us 💐

AcrossthePond55 · 17/07/2018 21:01

I understand you're afraid to reveal too much. But is there any way you can give a hint as to where (in the world) you are? North America? Europe? Middle East? Africa?

There are many who would like to help you with information, but it's useless if it doesn't apply to where you are.

Twillow · 17/07/2018 21:03

Hello Cantspellbutimmagic. Love your name! You are doing so well to take the first steps here. You are not weak, you are oppressed. It is not the same thing at all. You feel weak because you are being controlled, you are walking on eggshells, this has become - not normal - but what you have learned to expect. It is NOT normal and god knows there are 100001 shades of normal, but this is not one of them. You do know that.
MiL urging you to eat the paper -what the actual hell. Your drawing is so sad and beautiful by the way.
I have rarely seen so many people reaching out and offering help. You have really touched hearts. We will do whatever you need.
I have been there myself. I planned and executed a secret exit. I did not know I had the strength, looking back now I am amazed. A few years before that, I had written letters for my mother and children to be read in case he killed me. It wasn't always domestic violence, although there was that; it was often domestic abuse; and sometimes, unpredictably, life was good. The last is what makes it hard for many of us - "he's not always a monster" syndrome.
Ask yourself this simple question: do you love him? More likely, the answer is that you hate him. Take as much help as is offered to solve your problem.

Original poster
Cantspellbutimmagic · 17/07/2018 21:16

He’s going to take everything from me including my children
I know it
He’s videoing me and taking pictures of my every move 😞

OP posts:
Beebiesandcheebies · 17/07/2018 21:16

That is disgusting what he has done to you and actually makes me really angry. What a bastard. I am sorry OP. This man is an abuser and he doesn't love. Nobody would treat somebody they love like that and shame on his parents! Please get help and leave him. You can leave!

rollingonariver · 17/07/2018 21:30

He’s videoing me and taking pictures of my every move
All this will do is show the court how manipulative and disgusting he is. It will work in your favour if anything.
Keep fighting op.

Original poster
Cantspellbutimmagic · 17/07/2018 21:47

He sends them to his mum
She has access to all the cameras
It’s just a huge nightmare

OP posts:
Cawfee · 17/07/2018 22:13

I haven’t read all of the posts but you need to see a solicitor. They are the people who can help you

Oldbutstillgotit · 17/07/2018 22:13

Can you dial 999 ?

BakedBeans47 · 17/07/2018 22:22

OP this is awful :(

You need to get away with the kids. Your kids are witnessing this behaviour. You have to get them away from it.

He’s not going to get the kids. He’s trying to scare you into not leaving.

Twillow · 17/07/2018 22:49

It is a nightmare you will be able to wake up from. You love your kids and want them safe? Take a deep breath. Act as normal as you can, play act. And plan like crazy. What time do you get away from him? Does he work? Use that. If you work, find a manager you can confide in. I did and it helped me no end, it was the catalyst for change and talking it through with someone else clarified how wrong my situation was. Ring the support organisations. Step by step.

bethy15 · 17/07/2018 22:51

Hi OP.

I have rarely seen genuine offers of help like I have seen on your thread.
The previous poster here has offered you the help of her husband who is a lawyer and can offer you real help here.

I think this is just not acceptable any more. The cameras are added extras, but the whole situation is dangerous for you and your children.

There's a lot of help out there. But I would contact this poster and her husband for help. I might also go to the doctor and explain to them I haven't been well since my husband made me eat paper. Or I might get police help.

But, we all know, and you do, that you need to start making a move now. It's life or death.

So, there are a lot of people here to support you. Why don't we all piece together a plan now? Because this cannot carry on, you said it. So what do you think would be a good first step?

shinyredbus · 17/07/2018 23:11

OP - people have made such generous offers - we are all worried about you, your posts are becoming more and more extreme - and short. It sounds as if you are nearing the end of your tether, this is when he will become desperate.

Please stop putting yourself and your children in such a dangerous position - please reach out to people who have offered to help - the lady with the lawyer husband has been so very kind. Please take it, if not, i am not sure what else i can read into your posts. Call the police, call a friend, just do something to get out. Dont keep yourself there.

Fuckwithnosensesauce · 17/07/2018 23:23

I cannot read your whole thread because i find it too upsetting to hear what this man is dling to you and your children. You DO NOT have to stay with this sick man. Do you understand that there are other options. This man can have no power over you. You live in the UK, there are people to help you with this. Please get help.

bastardkitty · 17/07/2018 23:28

They always say you are crazy and threaten to take the children. Please don't give up. Women escape with their children from even the most dire situations. Please take steps to get away and accept any support offered. Please be safe

Doingreat · 17/07/2018 23:50

I have avoided reading your thread for a while OP. Just because I feel so helpless. As I'm sure a lot of other posters do.

I don't know what I can add that pps haven't said over and over.

Men like him can and do kill their partners. What will happen to your kids then? They need you to be alive and well. Please do it for them. Please choose a better safer life for them as well as for you.

Your kid need you. If anything happens to you no one apart from your kids will be affected. Everyone's lives will carry on. But your kids' lives will never be the same again.

They need you to be there for them to see them through the big milestones. Who will they turn to if they break up with their first loves and you're not there? They will graduate, get jobs, get married, have kids. They will want you there. They will get sick, get fired, fall out with friends, need picking up from a party in the small hours. They will NEED you there.

Please keep posting OP. Xx

SPOFS · 18/07/2018 01:50

I am so sorry OP. Your story has made me cry. Sad

Please know that he will never change. Your only option for happiness is to leave. The police WILL be on your side. He will not be able to take the kids from you. The police know exactly how men like this work and are trained in how to deal with situations like yours.

You don't deserve any of this, neither do your children.

user764329056 · 18/07/2018 02:26

Can you tell us which part of the world you are in and we can do some research for you?

sar501 · 18/07/2018 02:45

He is a vile abuser. You need to leave him OP and take your children with you. It’s normalising this behaviour to them.

LoveInTokyo · 18/07/2018 05:11

Can you tell us whether you’re in the UK, cantspell?

If not, which country are you in?

Please keep posting. You are not alone.