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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Married with a boyfriend, How to end it.

78 replies

amylou1991 · 22/06/2018 22:10

Im 27 I have been married 2 years together for 8, me and hubby were going through a really bad patch 5 months ago, I feel for a guy at work (i have never done anything like this before) i got strong feelings for him.

Hubby moved away to work and i would see him a few days out of the week, I told the other man it was over, i have been in a relationship with him for 4 months, Neither of them are aware of this.
I need to end things With him I know i can not leave my hubby.

The other man has really let me in, he has such strong feelings and i have not helped with telling him i feel the same. I love them both but hubby a bit more,

I will have to deal with the guilt of what i have done forever but how can i end it with the other man with out hurting him. He deserves so much better, they both do. But i can let my hubby go.

OP posts:

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 22/06/2018 22:13

do not let hubby know. can you change jobs. Don't give in to guilt and tell your husband. it will kill the relationship. Ok, how you gonna get rid of the boyf. he will survive. So don't feel guilty. I'd say you got into a steady realtionship too young and didn't let your hair down!!!!! Oh dear. Stop the great sex and get another hobby if you don't want to end it with the boyf.! Affairs can save a marriage, so don't beat yourself up!

ILoveDolly · 22/06/2018 22:19

Don't say anything, change jobs and tell the boyfriend you have chosen to focus on your marriage. Cut yourself loose from any social situations where you might bump into the ex boyfriend. Also, spend some time doing nice things with your husband, you need to work out what it is about your marriage rough patch that left you open to an affair. Marriages often have ups and downs but ending up with someone else every time you are unhappy in your partner would obviously not contribute to a strong marriage so beware

Nellia · 23/06/2018 06:01

Its so funny that when men do this nonsence the advice is always the wife needs to know.
You need to face up to what you have done otherwise next time your marriage hita a bad patch you will do the same. Tell them both and face the music. A marriage built on deceit never lasts anyway

QuoadUltra · 23/06/2018 06:06

Never tell. Your shame and guilt is yours to carry alone and it is your punishment.

Change jobs now. Stop speaking to your BF. You might love him but feelings change and you will get over it. Change jobs now.

Tiddlywinks63 · 23/06/2018 06:28

I agree with Nellia and I'd be worried that your boyfriend would tell your husband ☹️.

greendale17 · 23/06/2018 06:31

Tell your husband and let him go. He deserves better than a cheating wife.

XXXTentacion · 23/06/2018 06:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MarieG10 · 23/06/2018 07:07

Get rid of the Bf. Try and sort out your marriage and if you can then leave and learn from it. Loving two men will not work

SoupDragon · 23/06/2018 07:12

Tell your husband and see if he wants to stay with a cheat. He needs to get an STD check.

tiddlleydum · 23/06/2018 07:22

What glorious double standards there are here on MN.
OP, get a grip and stop screwing with these men. Come clean to both of them and face the consequences of your actions.

Footballmumofthefuture · 23/06/2018 07:23

You should feel guilty and they should both no what a liar they have lived with.
Pathetic.

Footballmumofthefuture · 23/06/2018 07:23

know

SoupDragon · 23/06/2018 07:27

What glorious double standards there are here on MN.

I agree.

KalindaBlack · 23/06/2018 07:27

Give you're the husband the choice, let him decide. He's the one in the dark just now, poor bugger.

If this was a bloke just now, mumsnetters would be all over him like a rash telling him to tell the woman etc. Like a PP has already mentioned.

So come clean, face up to what you've done, and fight for what you really want.

NerrSnerr · 23/06/2018 07:30

Of course your husband needs to know so he can decide if he wants to stay you and get an STD check.

Beaverhausen · 23/06/2018 07:31

Wow if it was a man saying his you ladies would be jumping all over him.

Op you need to tell your husband what a dirty little tramp you are so that he can go and find himself a woman who knows the meaning of he word "for better or worse and who knows how to keep her legs shut.

stevesmithsmum · 23/06/2018 07:38

And here ladies and gentleman is a prime example of the double standards exhibited in MN. Always there, but rarely so glaring.

animaginativeusername · 23/06/2018 07:39

Shocked at the responses to not tell the husband, her husband needs to be made aware. No point in being married if not honest with each other. If husband did this then there would be shouts of moral duty that wife has every right to know the truth. Why the double standards

alvinp · 23/06/2018 07:45

I've been the husband in that situation. She didn't tell. After 2 more years and a child I found out anyway. The deceit destroyed us. If she'd come clean at the start we may have had a chance or at least ended it before our daughter was conceived.

You're in too deep OP. You need to be honest with them both.

Namechangedname · 23/06/2018 07:52

Doesn't he have a right to know what his wife has been up to?

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 23/06/2018 07:53

And here ladies and gentleman is a prime example of the double standards exhibited in MN. Always there, but rarely so glaring.

Not really that glaring. 4 posts have condoned staying silent. 12 have told OP to confess to her husband.

And 7 of those posts have complained about the so-called double standard.

So more posts complaining about the double standard than actually exhibiting the double standard. Says a lot really.

ladymariner · 23/06/2018 07:55

You lost the right to choose what happens next when you started cheating on your husband ('hubby'...wtf?). Tell him the truth, ditch the boyfriend and grow the fuck up. You sound absolutely pathetic.

And yes to pp's comments about the double standards on here!!

stevesmithsmum · 23/06/2018 07:58

*Not really that glaring. 4 posts have condoned staying silent. 12 have told OP to confess to her husband.

And 7 of those posts have complained about the so-called double standard.

So more posts complaining about the double standard than actually exhibiting the double standard. Says a lot really.*

Thank you for that analysis. One which wouldn’t be required with a gender reversal, and hence my comment stands.

SoupDragon · 23/06/2018 08:14

Not really that glaring. 4 posts have condoned staying silent. 12 have told OP to confess to her husband.

On a post by a man the count would have been zero posts condoning staying silent.

NicoleLorenzo · 23/06/2018 08:30

Do them both a favour and tell them the truth. They should be the ones deciding whether they want to be with you, not the other way round. Vile thing to do.

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