I bloody hate men.

[Horriblegrandma]

After all these years I've come to the conclusion that the vast majority of men are bastards. I have been sexually, emotionally and physically abused, some of these multiple times. I've been cheated on and lied to and taken advantage of so many times.

All men think about is sex. I just don't want to know. They are all obsessed with it like it's the only thing that matters in life. I see women objectified all the time and used by men.

I am so sick of it all and don't think I could ever trust another man as long as I live.

I know I'm probably being over the top and that some of you have got lovely husbands but my own experiences are so far away from that. I don't want to feel like this but I'm so done with it all. I have a partner but he has also let me down recently.

Depends if you can afford to see one. Often they do reduced rates. You can go to the doctor and get a referral.
Even if you can’t see someone, I think just being on here and doing lots of reading and insightful thinking will help you.

A lot of people concur that what happens when you’re a child fundamentally shapes how you are in adult relationships. But I don’t think that means you cannot change you’re outlook or boundaries. There is hope for us all x

You're all great but I think sometimes it's also ok to just say I hate men

And still, I'd check if there's anything I can do to help myself besides that

I feel the same Horrible
My divorce last year forced me to face up to some shocking truths - that my ex was a nasty piece of work and in fact all of my relationships had been unhealthy. I'm getting on with my life but with more awareness of my relationships with men (and I count friends and work colleagues in that, not romantically) and honestly can see few really good guys. My close male friend is a horrible misogynist. Mr Nice Married Guy in the office hit on me at the Christmas party.

I know my boundaries are poor but honestly I'm looking at all the men I know right now and while NAMALT I've genuinely yet to meet a truly good one.

Yes, ladywoowoo. My boundaries and awareness of BS are I’m sure not great. But the sheer scale of abuse and violence against women around the world goes beyond the personal - and even the best psychological boundaries won’t protect you.

I’m on a man detox atm it’s quite a nice bullshit free zone

After years of crap from men I took time out to work on myself and boundaries. Wrote up my little list of what was acceptable and what wasn't. It took me YEARS to meet a lovely man. It wouldn't have, if I hadn't stick to what I wanted.

But I don't think it's you OP.

There are some men out there who are cold and brutal in an emotional sense. Many others who have chocolate box syndrome in an age where it's deemed easy to have all you want

So many forums online have angry men talking about women in the most vengeful way. All because they bought into the dream that they could have who they want - young, nubile and willing, or older & should be damn well grateful. They are angry at the lie. & this seems to go across all groups of men.

10 years ago I never saw men talk about women the way they do now. Even on Twitter, women disagreeing with men seems to elicit anger to the point of wishing rape or death.

No - there aren't loads of good men out there. But there are some. Hold out for what you want. As long as you're prepared to do the longhaul wait after some boundaries placement, one will arrive.

But you aren't a "problem" just because men treat you unkindly. They are the problem for behaving disgustingly towards a woman they purport to be in a relationship with.

It seems that there are not enough good men to go round.
So, genuine question, how can we find a good one for each woman?

I think we have been fed a lot of bullshit when it comes to relationships. Women are thinking one way, men are just thinking about sex. How they can have sex with as many women as they can. Even the oldest, the most unattractive, think this way. (Massive generalisation but little evidence to support a different viewpoint.) I think we are fighting against biology. Look at animal documentaries, it is very rare for species to mate for life, instead you have the “top dog” mating with as many females as possible. Men are animals, as are women, but men more so. (I am not excusing their behaviour, I find a lot of them revolting.) The veneer of civility is gossamer thin with them. We think we are going to get romance, babies, domesticity, but the reality is very different. OP was right. It is just sex for them. This whole relationship malarkey is nonsense. I am married but if I had my time over, I would just plough through life independently. No point putting any of them on pedestals. No point at all. I hate some of the fuss and nonsense that a lot of women do to attract and keep a man.

It's definitely not you. Most men are shite. Selfish, entitled...

It's like after you give birth and you forget about how horrid it was; the pain etc. Women also buy into the happy married with 2 kids dream and we spackle and prop up men.

So instead of saying most men are shite, we put the blame on women saying they have poor boundaries, low self esteem, codependency, etc. How often do men get those labels?

With the online dating apps, men think they'e at an all you can eat brothel. Oh but somehow we women are supposed to mind read and figure out the lies being told to us from these louts and it's our fault if we don't.

So yes, they are shite. Instead of giving trust and the benefit of the doubt to men, assume they are lying and only out for themselves, because they are.

YANBU OP. Most men are scum, no question, and I think they are designed that way to spread seed and keep on moving. 99.9% only give a crap about themselves across ALL cultures.

Some very sad, and bitter posts on this page

Me too. I became a lesbian

I think it doesn't help if your father put you down.

My father was an alcoholic who called us girls f'ing bitches and f'ing zeros, men won't want you etc. He used to hit my mother.

I have had very bad relationships with men, I find it difficult to set a limit on unacceptable behaviour and leave.

Most men wouldn't hit a women. Past their early 20s, most men aren't obsessed with sex - although male sex drive is still higher on average than women's and most men do (surreptitiously) enjoy wanking to porn, which I know many ladies here do find disagreeable. I'm not sure how you define emotional abuse, but most men don't enjoy deliberately hurting other people, but like any human being they can lose their temper from time to time. You probably need to talk to a counsellor to work out why you are attracting such extraordinary bastards.

I feel this way sometimes because of past and current relationships.

But I am raising boys and they are incredible boys and I won't let my feelings rub off on them because I'm raising them right!
I also have good relationships with men.
My dad is a good man and he worships the ground my mum walks on. He drops everything for us.
My brothers are good men who have seen the women in this family disrespected and will do anything for them. Both in relationships both respect their partners/wife.
My youngest has a lot to work on. But he understands the turmoil I have been through, and listens to me when I tell him what is and isn't acceptable.
My oldest is a amazing dad and husband. His family are everything! He pushes myself and his wife to create fantastic careers.
My Grandad is my idol who has done nothing but make sure his girls do what makes them happy. He has helped me through some really shitty things.

These are the men I look upto now and have given me strength to carry on.

It all started for me with my biological dad who, abused and cheated on my mother. I sought out good male relationships and found myself in the wrong ones. I was sexually abused at 6 and 13. It shaped me and it continued untill recently.

Now I know my worth and I realise there really is good men out there who respect women. I'll make sure I raise good men to continue the cycle.

I watch my oldest brother with his youngest sister and the sheer care and love that boy has is heart warming. He has an understanding of compassion I rarely see in kids. I may be biased, but everyone around me sees it.

So please don't give up hope. Just get your self-love back. Because you are worth so much more.

I also wouldn't say most men do like wanking to porn. Not the ones that understand the full hurt and objectification behind it. There are men that can control their sexual desires for the women they love.

Oh great, a ‘I hate men thread’.

Start your own I love men thread then.

Similar experiences OP, childhood abuse, rape as a young adult, emotionally abused until I had a breakdown and so forth.

I try not to, but deep down I feel similar to you.

Footballmum I would say that worshipping your wife/girlfriend, completely basing your life around satisfying their every desire, is going a bit far in the opposite direction. But of course I'm not advocating abusive behavior.

@Scott72 it's a figure of a speech and not meant literally. It goes both ways in their relationship.
But if you are going to find fault in good, go ahead.

In fairness PanGalatic
OP has more reasons that most to hate men.

I can relate OP. Im not going to apologise for sometimes hating men as a group. I was abused by my dad, and had numerous other adult men try their luck with me when I was a child. You only have to look back through history to see the damage they’ve done, only have to look at a newspaper on any given day to see the vile acts they commit and the way the journalists often seem to try to defend them (ie, man murders wife, so journo gets comments from neighbours to say what a nice guy he was). There’s also a lot of supporting for the current sexism in society from so called nice guys. Some people will tell you women are just as bad, it’s a blatant lie that fills me with rage. Women aren’t angels sure, but they don’t even come close on the scale to men.

I got to a point where I really had enough of them and thought I’d never give a man any attention again unless I deemed him worth (arrogant I know!). But I not long after met my current partner who I’ve been with 8 years. He’s a proper nice guy, not a self proclaimed one. He sees me and women in general as equals, he notices sexism, he listens to my feminist rants and doesn’t get defencive or start crying about Not All Men. One of my brothers is also a good man, he’s fairly autistic though and seems immune to the messages from society about a mans place vs a woman’s place.

Good guys are out there, but I don’t believe they’re the majority sadly.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster who exactly is forcing you to read it?

to you op.
My childhood was basically a programming in ignoring and denying myself. Which turned into me having such terrible boundaries.

I wasn’t capable of telling when something wasn’t right,because saying no to anything was always seen as really shameful. And because it was so drilled into me to override myself. Lots of people are like this.
I started work on my boundaries in my twenties. I learned to meditate, which is a way of paying attention to your experience. I was really rubbish at it, but it taught me loads about what was going on inside me. Turned out I wasn’t the person I had been moulded into.
As I learned to be in my experience it became much more clear where my yesses and nos are, so I started to get boundaries.
My life got a whole lot better, and the nature of my relationships changed hugely.
Sorry to come on and talk about myself, but I thought it might help if you are similar to me.