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Original poster

DP won't eat lunch!

103 replies

BetterEatCheese · 15/06/2018 18:01

I am writing this to see if I am being a pain in the arse and whether I need to leave dp alone.

He is self employed, a labourer, and never ever stops for lunch. He says he wants to get home earlier and doesn't have time to stop. He's crap at getting up in the morning and I think the issue is this as getting up earlier would mean he could get to jobs earlier and still have time to make lunch and stop to eat it.

He is a grumpy arse when he comes home as he's so hungry and then snacks all evening. I also worry about him doing a very physical job on an empty stomach.

I had a right moan at him today as he has to take dd out this evening and won't be back until 8:30pm and he was moaning that he is hungry. I asked if he'd had lunch and he hadn't. I can't bear it, it's all self inflicted and I'm losing sympathy!

Should I leave him to it or keep on at him to stop and eat. I'm really worried about his health and moods

OP posts:
Original poster
BetterEatCheese · 15/06/2018 22:59

I know @Cambionome - what is that even about?!

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Original poster
BetterEatCheese · 15/06/2018 23:01

@expatinscotland - I spoke to him when he got home and asked if he would eat food he could just grab - sausage rolls etc - and he said 'maybe.' Doesn't really make sense as the main argument was he didn't have time.

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Original poster
BetterEatCheese · 15/06/2018 23:02

@TatianaLarina - agreed, he sits for hours in the evening. It's that which annoys me - he has the time, just chooses not to

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Original poster
BetterEatCheese · 15/06/2018 23:02

@WhiteFreesias - exactly, if he was up getting dd ready, supporting etc. I would likely do it as I wouldn't feel used

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Original poster
BetterEatCheese · 15/06/2018 23:05

@Maelstrop - I said to him it would work better if you got to jobs earlier but his early and other people's early are two entirely different things! Then he gets into this panic as the day rumbles on, and that's why he doesn't stop. He definitely needs to go to bed earlier, get up and help, take lunch and have a break, finish at a reasonable time.

The snacking drives me mad and I'm sure it's him desperately trying to fill the hangriness

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Heartofglass12345 · 15/06/2018 23:06

I cant believe the amount of people suggesting she make him a packed lunch! He has plenty of time the day before to pre prepare whatever he wants for his own lunch!
I agree with others, walk away and say you're not prepared to listen. He will get the message eventually (hopefully)

Original poster
BetterEatCheese · 15/06/2018 23:07

@JovialNickname - he is caring in many ways but has lovely lie ins every day which I honestly resent.

You're right about him and breakfast though. He does eat it if I make it though, or have it prepared - like this morning he ate pancakes as they were ready in the fridge, just needed heating.

I agree it's nice to care but it feels a little one sided

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Original poster
BetterEatCheese · 15/06/2018 23:09

I agree @Heartofglass12345 - if I start making it, what does that say! I do make most of the food but this is just one extra thing I really think he should do. He has the time, just decides not to, then moans

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Original poster
BetterEatCheese · 15/06/2018 23:13

I must say, I've made him sound like a right git! He does have a good side, just very bad at planning and prioritising. He will learn...

At the moment he is doing DIY which he is very good at and he is always on the go researching or working in the evenings (well he says he is as he sits on his phone not making his lunch!)

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elephantscanring · 15/06/2018 23:17

He lies in for 1.5 hours after the op every fucking day? That’s a whole extra night’s sleep he gets per week! When do you get a lie-in, op?

Yet op does 90% of all the house stuff. Of course she does.

Op, you have more problems than your h’s lunch.

I would not do any more than you do already for him. And I would probably think really seriously about what you get out of this relationship, and whether you love him.

elephantscanring · 15/06/2018 23:18

If you resent the lie ins, talk to him! Ask him why he thinks that’s fair.

Original poster
BetterEatCheese · 15/06/2018 23:22

I completely agree and I have talked to him about the lie ins. He says he was up working late and because I am in bed I can't prove otherwise but I suspect he could come to bed earlier if he wanted to. I asked him to get up with dd this morning and he did after a little huff. I would like it to be willing and automatic though.

I do love him. He is just very thoughtless a lot of the time

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Original poster
BetterEatCheese · 15/06/2018 23:23

I think he feels like I'm a nag but I don't know how else to be as he's such a procrastinator

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expatinscotland · 15/06/2018 23:24

Better, seriously, you're onto a hiding to nothing here. This is who he is. Don't make lunch, buy stuff in to enable him or put up with his grumpiness because he's hangry.

Original poster
BetterEatCheese · 15/06/2018 23:25

Thanks for all your responses - it's been an eye opener and interesting to see the differences in opinion. No lie ins for anyone tomorrow as all have to be up and out by 9.

Food for thought... thanks all

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Original poster
BetterEatCheese · 15/06/2018 23:25

I'll do my best @expatinscotland

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LiteraryDevil1 · 15/06/2018 23:26

Don't enable an man-child. Ever.

Heartofglass12345 · 15/06/2018 23:27

The one sided-ness is the problem isn't it. If he was doing his fair share making him breakfast or lunch wouldn't bother you. My husband works in an office 2 days a week and at home the other 3. On the office days he doesn't eat until tea time. I do mention it to him sometimes as he was underweight when I met him and does lose weight quite easily (bastard lol) but i don't make his lunch, he will make/ buy something if he wants it. I'm not his mum. I do make his lunch sometimes on the days he is at home but he does more than his fair share with the children and in the house so it's reciprocated.

sadie9 · 15/06/2018 23:27

I thought I was a doormat luv but you sound like his Mummy not his partner. Sorry but it's true.
Stop talking to him about food. Don't let him use the hunger as an excuse to use everyone as a punchbag or to offload and whinge and moan.
If he wants to snack he can, but he has to clean up after himself. Are you very controlling or 'in charge' of the kitchen and maybe there is no room for him to be allowed in there? Does he ever do shopping? Like he can pull into a petrol station and buy a friggin sausage roll? What is he, aged 7?
He existed fine and didn't keel over from starvation before you came along...You have taken over as Mummy and he is the whining teenage son who will do eff all for himself and resents having to go out and do the 'chores'.

LiteraryDevil1 · 15/06/2018 23:30

I used to think I was being a good wife and demonstrating my love by making food for my stbexh. I realised after he left that I'd enabled him to be a lazy, entitled manchild. He's a grown man who is responsible for tending to his own hunger whilst at work. Stop mothering him.

LiteraryDevil1 · 15/06/2018 23:35

What now? He has a lie in every day?? Cheeky fucker. He won't "learn" OP. This will continue and result in long term resentment or divorce. Having been there and wished I'd divorced the twat sooner I know which one is best.

Costacoffeeplease · 15/06/2018 23:36

Men don't know how to care for themselves

Ha ha to infinity

Ignore his pathetic moods, most people work out the correlation between food and energy/mood as teenagers

Sorry you’re lumbered with a man child

madeyemoodysmum · 16/06/2018 07:18

What's he like with the rest of the household chores because if he pulls his weight and you have a partnership I'd just make him a pack up too.

I don't get all this 'he can do his own mentality '. Surely a partnership is five and take he does some things you do others. Otherwise your just friends with benefits imo.

MrsBobDylan · 16/06/2018 09:44

Sorry if this has already been dealt with op, but are you sure he's not just moody and self-indulgent and the not eating thing is a way of excusing it?

Is he overweight? You mention that he snacks all evening?

expatinscotland · 16/06/2018 11:01

'I don't get all this 'he can do his own mentality '. Surely a partnership is five and take he does some things you do others. Otherwise your just friends with benefits imo.'

If you read the thread, he does next to nothing in the home or with regards to childcare.

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