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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP won't eat lunch!

103 replies

BetterEatCheese · 15/06/2018 18:01

I am writing this to see if I am being a pain in the arse and whether I need to leave dp alone.

He is self employed, a labourer, and never ever stops for lunch. He says he wants to get home earlier and doesn't have time to stop. He's crap at getting up in the morning and I think the issue is this as getting up earlier would mean he could get to jobs earlier and still have time to make lunch and stop to eat it.

He is a grumpy arse when he comes home as he's so hungry and then snacks all evening. I also worry about him doing a very physical job on an empty stomach.

I had a right moan at him today as he has to take dd out this evening and won't be back until 8:30pm and he was moaning that he is hungry. I asked if he'd had lunch and he hadn't. I can't bear it, it's all self inflicted and I'm losing sympathy!

Should I leave him to it or keep on at him to stop and eat. I'm really worried about his health and moods

OP posts:
DragonsAndCakes · 15/06/2018 20:03

Can you imagine him making lunch for you every day?

Pandora79 · 15/06/2018 20:05

Your issue isn't him not eating lunch. It's his moaning, so just pull him up on it every time.

I don't believe for a second he never takes a break or gets a few minutes here and there.

Dp has a manual job and is really miserable when hungry. So he takes his packed lunch, which he makes, and snacks. If his day is really busy and he doesn't get time for lunch he will eat the snacks. So he isn't in a bad mood or feeling ill.

Original poster
BetterEatCheese · 15/06/2018 20:10

I work 4 days a week, 2 in school hours and two evenings. I'm also at uni so study 15 hours a week.

OP posts:
kirta · 15/06/2018 20:10

Men don't know how to care for themselves

Eh?! Are you having a laugh?!

Original poster
BetterEatCheese · 15/06/2018 20:10

He definitely would not make me lunch every day!

OP posts:
Original poster
BetterEatCheese · 15/06/2018 20:10

I am so going to do that NotTheFordType!

OP posts:
Original poster
BetterEatCheese · 15/06/2018 20:12

Furx - that is a very interesting angle to take! I will try that too. He is always shocked when customers ask him is he's ok as he hasn't stopped and he takes some kind of pride in getting in the zone and being like a Duracell bunny

OP posts:
Original poster
BetterEatCheese · 15/06/2018 20:16

It is also his health I worry about - no food all day then high carb and sugar food and snacks all evening washed down with Pepsi. This would be less worrying if there was a breakfast and lunch to balance it out

OP posts:
Passthecake30 · 15/06/2018 20:23

My dp is a builder. Does eat lunch (and make it himself!) but used to come in and stuff his face with mr kiplings as the dinner was going on the table.
So now I don't buy those types of things anymore as I found it SO insulting. I do all the shopping, if he wants them so much he can step foot in a shop (unlikely!)

Anyway, I agree with not enabling him, don't do his lunch, but if you're the one who does the shopping then maybe a banana, apple and cereal bar strategically placed so that he starts remembering them will give him something to eat late afternoon and he might be a better person?? My dp saves his apple for the drive home these no more mr Kipling days

Cambionome · 15/06/2018 20:26

Men don't know how to take care of themselves

What a ridiculous pile of steaming crap.

Original poster
BetterEatCheese · 15/06/2018 20:26

My dp does that too! Crisps and chocolate 5 minutes before dinner. Says he needs it or he won't enjoy dinner 😳

OP posts:
Original poster
BetterEatCheese · 15/06/2018 20:26

He does buy it all himself though so can't stop him!

OP posts:
Cambionome · 15/06/2018 20:27

DON'T make his lunch op. He sounds like an entitled, grumpy twat and you need to be careful that you are not enabling this behaviour.

bridgetosomewhere · 15/06/2018 20:28

I make dh a salad or packed lunch if I am making my own during the week
Sometimes I cook a frittata for us to eat cold

If it’s the weekend and he’s working he does his own

I don’t mind making it if I’m already doing mine and the kids!

Original poster
BetterEatCheese · 15/06/2018 20:28

Will try buying no prep foods - sausage rolls may be a good grab and go food

OP posts:
Cambionome · 15/06/2018 20:29

How could he need to eat crisps and chocolate just before dinner? Confused

expatinscotland · 15/06/2018 20:42

Look, just buy in the food. If he chooses to eat it, fine, if not, fine, too. 'I'm allowed to moan.' 'Not to me, you're not. I'm not your emotional punching bag. I'm going to walk away from this.'

As for his health, again, his responsibility.

TatianaLarina · 15/06/2018 20:50

How long does it take to eat a sandwich?

And he could make his sandwiches the night before if he doesn’t want to do them in the morning. Or he could buy some from Sainsbury’s.

WhiteFreesias · 15/06/2018 20:51

"Oh well. What are you going to do"

WhiteFreesias · 15/06/2018 20:55

It's very unfair of him to go to bed late and have a lie in leaving you to sort your dd out and leave the house.

This wouldn't be my problem. If I was doing the shopping anyway I'd buy stuff things in. I wouldn't make his sandwiches. I'm making my oh's because he is working two jobs at the moment. He gets up with dc every morning so it's swings and roundabouts. Making a sandwich the night before is a small price to pay.

Maelstrop · 15/06/2018 21:00

Every tradesman I’ve ever employed leaves by 3 at the latest! Saying that, they arrive by 7.30, which I prefer to later, because then they do 6 or 7 hours but always have lunch breaks. It’s stupid to make yourself hangry, which is what he’s doing, then coming home grumpy. He’s buying shite at the shops and eating it as you dish? I’d go ballistic!

Hellywelly10 · 15/06/2018 21:09

Im not sure if you make your husband a packed lunch he will stop behaving like a dick.

GertieMotherwell · 15/06/2018 21:12

I don’t eat during the day whilst at work as I rarely have the time. I’m grumpy when I get home.

JovialNickname · 15/06/2018 22:43

I'm the same as your husband in that I get hangry if I don't eat at lunchtime, but don't feel at all like food in the morning. So it's easy when you wake up and feel not like food at all just to think well I won't prepare anything for later, I'll go without. Then get very hungry later when it's too late Smile

I would personally make him a packed lunch, yes I know you don't have to but sometimes it's nice to be nice if you love someone. Providing he is caring towards you too generally of course.

Dieu · 15/06/2018 22:51

Well as a compromise, couldn't you just make him up a few sandwiches on the two days a week that you're doing your own anyway?
No doubt someone will object, but I don't see the harm.

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