DP won't eat lunch!

[BetterEatCheese]

I am writing this to see if I am being a pain in the arse and whether I need to leave dp alone.

He is self employed, a labourer, and never ever stops for lunch. He says he wants to get home earlier and doesn't have time to stop. He's crap at getting up in the morning and I think the issue is this as getting up earlier would mean he could get to jobs earlier and still have time to make lunch and stop to eat it.

He is a grumpy arse when he comes home as he's so hungry and then snacks all evening. I also worry about him doing a very physical job on an empty stomach.

I had a right moan at him today as he has to take dd out this evening and won't be back until 8:30pm and he was moaning that he is hungry. I asked if he'd had lunch and he hadn't. I can't bear it, it's all self inflicted and I'm losing sympathy!

Should I leave him to it or keep on at him to stop and eat. I'm really worried about his health and moods

The culture at the site might not allow lunch...ask him if others eat lunch.It could be difficult for him as if a small site there are not really facilities.

I think there is kindness that can flow both ways, you could help him to have snacks and he could try to ensure he is less hangry.
It''s often once your energy levels are so depleted you find it hard to switch of negative feelings so stopping it earlier is the key.
I suspect the change is quite signifcant for him, he has built up his routine and like any routune/habit will take a while to break.
I can't undetstand how some people don't eat breakfast but lots don't and they would struggle to start eating it, even of told to do so.

I agree with the poster who said if they knew their husband was going without lunch, I’d make them one.

He has a manual job as you’ve pointed out. That’s likely why he needs more sleep. If I’ve been to the gym, I could sleep for a week.

Honestly, my partner’s wellbeing would be more important to me than thinking he should just make it himself. There are things I’m crap at doing that I should get better at doing but DP does them, and equally things he’s poop at but I do. We just do it for each other because we care.

He is an adult without, I’m guessing, any additional needs. He can sort himself out. Do you think he would give so much thought to your lunch?

@lifebegins50 - he works alone and manages his own time so this is no issue. He is in a habit of not eating but always says how good he feels when he does.

TokenGinger -he needs 8 hours to function but chooses to go to be at 1am every night knowing he won't function the next day.

I know I could make it but he really can do it himself if he wanted to. I don't want to start something which he then expects. Yes there are things he does which I'm crap at but honestly I do 90% of household stuff already and don't feel I can add to it while he makes zero effort. I don't want to resent him. His huffy attitude makes me furious.

It takes 10 minutes to make and he just needs to go to bed earlier.

I think we have general issues where I enable his behaviour, hence my reluctance to start yet another thing I do for him

Look, stop enabling. He doesn't get up in the morning, he has a lie-in, but still thinks you should also provide a pack up and a hot meal on the table for dinner. It's not the 1950s.

I agree! I don't think it means I don't care, does it? I do care about him which is why I don't want him to turn into a man baby

'I think we have general issues where I enable his behaviour, hence my reluctance to start yet another thing I do for him'

Yep, especially as you are doing 90% of the lifework.

Just stop entertaining his grumpiness. He's trying to bully you into taking this on, too.

Nope.

I love my kids but it's not doing them any favours to wait on them hand and foot so I don't as I don't want them growing up to be entitled gits who believe their partner is a servant.

'I agree! I don't think it means I don't care, does it? I do care about him which is why I don't want him to turn into a man baby'

Of course it doesn't mean you don't care.

I do entertain his grumpiness too much. I often let it dictate my mood. How do I ignore it?

Just start leaving the room when he starts in. Even leave the house. Put on headphones.

He is entitled, you are right there. Hate it, and his attitude about lots of things stinks. His mum is very traditional - doesn't help

He moans at me if I do that - if I read and don't hear what he says and he has to repeat he gets cross. Headphones he just mimes at me to take them out. Leaving the room is the only way I think

Lack of respect for my personal space and time generally

I would make him a lunch. But and it's a big but!
My dp is ace at doing things on my whim, like If I asked him now to pop to the shops and grab me a bar of chocolate then he would, without any hesitation or whinging.
It's quid pro quo in our circumstance.

It sounds like you have much bigger problems than him not eating during the working day.

What does he do when you say you don't want to hear anymore moaning?

Leave the room. If he follows you, you just tell him, 'I am not your emotional punching bag. You need to be grumpy elsewhere, stop following me.'

I personally would make him lunch. I do for my husband. I do because I love him. I know it's a grown man etc.
I just hate the thought of him not having a drink or something to eat. It takes me a few minutes to make his lunch fruit, chicken wrap for example or boiled eggs and salad. A bag of nuts and a treat. I don't do his lunch for him, I do it because I don't want him to struggle.
Men don't know how to care for themselves.
I just look after him. He is so important to me. We've been together 29 years now.

When I bring up the moaning he says he can moan as he can't eat and it's not a choice but a necessity to work non stop all day. I don't believe him and I tell him so. Then he is grumpy.

I agree we have bigger issues.

But Colbu, this is exactly it, why do they need looking after? As another poster said, I doubt he gives a crap about my lunch

How many days per week do you work, OP?

When I bring up the moaning he says he can moan as he can't eat and it's not a choice but a necessity to work non stop all day. I don't believe him and I tell him so. Then he is grumpy.

Ask him, with a loving tone to your voice, "If I made you a packed lunch every day, would you eat it?"

When he says yes, then you say "OK, so either make your own, or offer me sufficient money to make it for you."

I actually worked for a dickhead like this. Sole trader manual work, used to take on assistants occasionally.

Fucking would. Not. Take . Breaks

And assumed you were OK with that.

Aside from the legalities, I told him It looked unprofessional, very lame and weak willed. Like you are thick to plan for breaks.

Oddly enough that cured him for the time I was with him. I also utterly refused to deal with ANY fall out from not eating. I think he was used to females around him mothering him. I just stared blankly then carried on whit what I was doing ——eating——

Men don't know how to care for themselves

Utter fucking bullshit. ROFL. You walked straight into that one.

"men don't know how to care for themselves" what a lot of utter shite.