Brave Babes Battle Bus: Sunshine, Roses and Mocktails All Round

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus since 2014. Over the years, lots of us have maintained the thread, most of all the lovely Mouse, who has been here since the early days, and still scurries onboard when she can.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in. Driers and Triers, all welcome.

Summer offers all kinds of challenges for those of us trying to change our relationship to alcohol, pub gardens, summer holidays, school holidays, and apparently there's a big football tournament too. If you want to read where the bus has been so far this year here's the link to the
last thread

And in case you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread

The Bus is a bit of a Mumsnet institution, but it has an open door policy, no cliques, no judgement, and the welcome is always warm. So hop on and join us.

Can I pop back on here please?

I've gone for nine days without a drink , after breaking down and admitting that I am, in fact, an alcoholic. (Still feels weird to say it!)

All Roads, welcome back. Nine days is great going, how are your feeling? I have often found that parts of the second week can be tough because you begin to project forward, just take it a day at a time. Admitting we have a problem, whatever label we put on it, is the first step in asking for and getting help.

Stay on board, especially when the going gets tough, there is a world of support and experience here.

Thank you.

The first few days were hell on Earth, as, until then, I didn't realize that I was actually physically addicted!

(Sorry for the "poor me" post)

Did anyone have the "guilt"? Remembering when alcohol fucked something up, etc? I keep crying!

Hi Radley welcome back even though this is maybe our first meeting nine days is fantastic, are you beginning to feel some benefits? It sounds like you have reached a point where things have to change. Do you want to talk more about it?

Sweet farming today? You are so rock and roll!

Oops, didn’t refresh before I posted.

You don’t need to apologize, you are fragile right now and your mind and body are very likely just reacting to the change of not having the alcohol. Be patient with yourself. Also is it all roads? If I make a guess at a name I will more than likely pick the wrong one

Hi Babes
Hi to Allroads and well done on 9 days. As to the guilt I am sure we all have lots of experience of that. The way I deal with these types of thoughts (which come up often) is to tell myself there is nothing I can do about the past but there is a lot I can do about the future. I am just going to try and be the best I can going forward.
If you do need to apologise to somebody then do so but try not to dwell on it and try and move forward. I hope this helps a little bit.
Hi to Beaches Baking Sweet Small Venus Ma Joey and everybody else.
I had a fab day in the garden yesterday planting my winter bulbs. I managed to plant 300 in total so am looking forward to an amazing display ( if the darn squirrels don’t dig them up)
Have a good day everybody. I’m off for lunch with friends (AF of course)

I'll try- but I'm not used to really "spilling"...I'm more of a "Take the piss out of everything" kind of person.

Last Sunday, and the events on that day, were not the "reason" I started to face it: I faced it because I was ready. But, I guess it was the last "pissed up situation" I was in.

I made a complete benk of myself at my DS's birthday party. Equally as bad, I hurt my best friend, who was trying to take me somewhere quiet to calm down.

These are not isolated occurences.

I've blown money set aside for bills on booze. I've skived off work, both TO drink, and because I'm too hungover to function.

I've lied about how much I've been drinking.

I'm 37 years old. If I change NOW, and I'm lucky, I have half of my life left to not be a drunken cunt!

I've got this.

We have all messed up, let people down, let ourselves down. Often we are left with shame and guilt but trust is right, we can’t change the past, we can apologize if necessary but our real power is what choices we make for the future. You are still a young woman and as you say you can start doing things differently and shape your future.....you’ve definitely got this

Trust 300 bulbs, that is going to be a fine display. Enjoy your lunch out.

You've got this AllRoads. And you've got us. It's helpful to recognise the things we are embarrassed and ashamed of because of drink but not healthy to dwell on them.

Alcohol is a depressant. And it make us do things that we can forever feel depressed about. Don't let it win. Pick yourself up, dust yourself down and start a new day right here, right now.

Focus more on the positives of not drinking and of starting to become the person that you want to be, the person that you really are without the autopilot trance of alcohol. Start to make decisions that are right for you, good for you and not just keeping the witch happy.

Well done on 9 days. You'll be into double digits today

Crying again now...but good crying IYSWIM? Thank you for being so nice!

Popping on briefly between meetings to say hello to Allroads. You’ve done amazingly, be kind to yourself and as others wiser than me have said, focus on the future. Stay on the bus if you can - there’s so much support and kindness here.

In other news - Trust, chilli powder. Bulbs/squirrels, that is. I am the least likely gardener in the world but I do have a sneaking affection for Gardeners Question Time (happy childhood memories, I guess. Weird, if I think about it, mind!). Last year they recommended sprinkling chilli powder on your bulbs/soil once planted. In a rare moment of scientific enquiry, I did half my bulbs chillified and half not. And what do you know, the chili ones didn’t get dug up. Didn’t look that pretty on the soil, mind, but it did work.

See you all later!

Thanks Small that sounds just the job. I will try that. I have them covered with netting at the moment but I’m sure it won’t take them long to get through that. They are very clever.
Thanks beaches I had a lovely lunch. Strangely the only one not drinking out of 6 people but I don’t generally feel the need to drink at lunchtimes especially when at work but I know if I had one it would set me on that road of wanting more. Much easier to say no.

Morning All,

sorry, dipped out there yesterday busy afternoon/evening with work.

AllRoads, we all understand. It's an emotional thing, facing up to your weaknesses and mistakes, but I don't think there is anything you can tell us that at least some of us won't recognise. I'm glad not all the tears were bad . You can begin to move forward and show people tings are changing.

Beaches, my rock 'n' roll-ness knows no bounds

Trust, I am amazed and jealous - 300 bulbs (hope your back isn't suffering this morning), I could lend you SweetDog for a while, he's an ace squirrel patrol - he has his own "gerroff my land", squealing bark reserved just for squirrels!

Ma how many km yesterday?

Driving home last night the wine witch was shouting in my ear , fortunately there are no shops on the drive home (sounds like I live in the back of beyond, I really don't!), so home, af and good sleep.

Being AF just leaves me with more stamina for life, and I think that can only get better, it's not a magic cure-all, but neither was drowning myself in a bottle of wine. So have a good day all, try to make today a day you don't drink.

Good morning!

Today will be more positive than yesterday!

We've worked out that, over the last ten days (fuck a moose- it's day ten!!!!) we've saved about £80 due to me not buying alcohol!

DH has insisted that I have it. I'm torn between something sensible like pying off a chunk of the Council Tax...and buying yarn!

All your DH sounds really supportive - that's great. He's right, you do need to treat yourself a bit, double figures is a milestone. BUT if paying CT gives you a buzz, do that!

Allroads - I have terrible guilt about embarasing things I did while drunk and even more so because my drinking was a part of the breakdown of my marriage. Although many of my drinking triggers were related to problems in my marriage.

H warned me he would leave if I didn't get it under control- but he told me not to stop as it would be boring and affect our social.life which massively involved copius amounts of alcohol. I think all.our friends bar one are dependant but I was seen as the only one with a problem cos I did the embarrassing stuff. But he just wanted me to be able to moderate- as did I - but of course I couldn't.

In the end he had an affair and left but he told everyone that he was "pushed" rather than "pulled" into it - including our young adult DC. Turns out she is someone he was accused of having an affair with more than 20 years ago who has now come back into his life. She's also had other affairs.

The temptation to drink has been so strong and I had a complete blow out the night I found out who she was. But that was 12 days ago and nothing since. Was 3 weeks af before that. Need to be there for my DC and be a better role model.

He's been amazing! Last week, when I first started out, I was pretty much out of it...he took over EVERYTHING. He's also been covering for me with everyone who doesn't know. Apparantly I've had gastro flu! 😀

Can any of you lovelies inspire me? We have Thanksgiving coming up, and then Christmas (sorreeeeeee!!!!). I need ideaa for drinks to serve. (On a side note, we've decided that absolutely no booze in the house is the way to go at present. Part of me feels like a selfish twat- even though it was DH's suggestion, and part of me is arguing that my recovery is more important than everyone else getting wankered for an evening...thoughts?)

I'd usually cane the mulled wine/cider at these times. Is there a naice non-alcoholic version?

I'd love some sort of "cocktail" on Christmas Day, made with fresh orange juice, and possibly something gingery?

It's always REAL obvious when I'm drinking to get wankered/block stuff out, and when I'm drinking for pleasure: the latter, I'll buy a nice red wine, or ginger ale. The former, it's lambrini and cheap sider! What am I, like, 12? 😀

Actually, change all that to the past tense...it USED to be. Because I'm clean!

Please forgive me for banging on about me, and not imputting into anyone else's "story"? I will, I promise. I just needed to get yesterday's shit out SOMEWHERE.

I'm feeling a lot less cryful today, so I'm going to read the full thread, and learn a little about you all...

And maybe in a year, I'll be the one making someone cry by offering support and kindness, just like you did yesterday.

I've found "home". May i put some rainbow colored curtains up please? 😀😀

@Salt@ you got this.

Your kids will see that they have a mommy who battles through, regardless of how much shite is thrown at her!

12 days is MINT! I'm there in two days...and it still seems so far away (although not as far away as it did yesterday).

AllRoads, that support is invaluable. I don't know about AF ciders, but AF beers in the UK (may not help you) I like Becks Blue, but find a lot of the others too malty. I really like good Ginger beer, which I find has more depth than ginger ale, and the recent trend for gin drinking means that there are a good selection of flavoured tonics around, which are good enough to drink without the gin - my favourites are fenitimens orange flavour, Fevertrees aromatic, and their cucumber. Virgin mojitos are also good for a celebration.

Anyway, you carry on 'getting your shit out' - it's good for the soul.

Salt, you have had really rough time, but being sober will be better for you, and DC. Do it for yourself, as well as them.

And AllRoads, rainbow curtains sound good, it's time we took the summer bunting down anyway

Thanks. I had counselling and something we discussed was that I found it easier not to drink after I knew it was over (apart from the recent blow outs) and through discussion, I came to realise that not drinking was never "on the table" before as H was adamant I wasn't to stop and I was so desperate to please him. Of course it was always an option, I just didn't see it - or chose not to as my need to please him and learn to moderate took priority. Plus - i was so bored at times I needd a shot or two to pep me up for a night in with him - I generally didn't drink at home if he was working as I didnt feel the "need".

Important though that I recognise I began to be aware of this but still kept binge drinking. And H is not to blame for my choices. Just wish I'd had counselling years ago (I did but that was for another "stately homes" problem that I won't go into here).

KOKO to all the brave babes - we can do it.

I've started a "recovery" blanket.

I've designed a graph, which will take 400 squares to finish.

By the time it's ready for the border, I'll have been sober for 400 days!

AllRoads what an absolutely fabulous idea, is it knitted, crocheted or quilting? (I have no crafting skills what so ever).

Salt, you never stood a chance with your DH I'm afraid, his attitude to your drinking was/is never going to work. AT least now, your choices are genuinely YOUR choices.

11km done in total. not doing so well on sober October surprise, surprise.
have fallen at day 3 again!

Morning all
Sweet yes I am pleased with my 300 bulbs. No back problems. I used to suffer badly with my back but since starting yoga it has eased up greatly (fingers crossed). Thanks for offer of sweet dog . He sounds great. I do have a dog who does chase the squirrels, not sure what he would do if he actually caught one. However, the cheeky blighters seem to do their raid during the night when we are all inside. Has been ok so far with netting but will be doing the chilli powder at weekend.
Allroads you seem to be in good form and very determined. Great to have the support. My DH is great too. He is not a big drinker but does enjoy the odd pint or two down the pub. Never at home.
Salt sounds like you will be able to get your life back on track now. Keep going!
Ma well done on 11k!
Hi to small beaches faire
I have yoga today at lunchtime. I really look forward to it. It’s great to de-stress from work in the middle of the day.
Have a good day everyone