Brave Babes Battle Bus: Sunshine, Roses and Mocktails All Round

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus since 2014. Over the years, lots of us have maintained the thread, most of all the lovely Mouse, who has been here since the early days, and still scurries onboard when she can.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in. Driers and Triers, all welcome.

Summer offers all kinds of challenges for those of us trying to change our relationship to alcohol, pub gardens, summer holidays, school holidays, and apparently there's a big football tournament too. If you want to read where the bus has been so far this year here's the link to the
last thread

And in case you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread

The Bus is a bit of a Mumsnet institution, but it has an open door policy, no cliques, no judgement, and the welcome is always warm. So hop on and join us.

Waves to all the babes! I'm a chronic name changer, but have been on the bus before.
Day 129 AF. Feeling good, still occasionally tempted but much better.
Second Jason Vale for anyone trying to stop. Annie Grace This Naked Mind is good as well.

I really am, Trust, but not a great start. I knew I should have poured that wine away. I ended up having a glass last night (although just the one as opposed to the usual bottle and then some). However, now it is gone, I won't be buying any more. I have ordered the JV book, and am planning some evening distractions, as my downfall is just sitting in front of the TV.

How's everyone doing tonight? I'm still AF at the end of day 3 and I'm doing ok. Rather grumpy and inhaling chocolate though.

Well done Day2!! Ok-ish here - no wine but a glass of cider last night. I think when I have got through a few days of no wine, I can do totally AF. I actually read a book in bed last night instead of crashing out and sleep already feels better. Friday is tricky as I usually have prosecco, so I'm going to try AF sparkling wine tonight.

Thanks Millefeuille. I'd normally have opened the wine by now but I'm holding strong. I don't know what's different this time but something is. My plan is to stay AF for 2 more weeks until my anniversary. Not sure what happens after that. I'm rewarding myself with fish and chips tonight. Hope everyone's ok.

I haven't been drinking as much but still drinking. Not sure whether to stop altogether....

The other night instead of drinking a bottle of wine and then vodka I just drank vodka and used an actual 25ml measure - bloody hell they are tiny I had 6 of these and felt a little tipsy and then went to bed and felt fine the next day which was good.

Last night I drank nearly a bottle of wine, it tasted not great and is usually my fave but I persevered then was really tired so went to bed and felt so tired and rotten this morning. Looking forward to a nap!

I really need to ditch the wine. I badly want to lose weight as well as cutting alcohol for the obvious reasons. It's an uphill battle!

Day2 and millefeuille - you sound positive - we’ll done, keep going!

Today should be day 1 for me - I rashly said I was going to try to do a dry September. Now it’s here and I feel miserable and completely unmotivated. It’s the last weekend of the holidays and I’ve already snapped at my kids and hidden in the garden to cry while hanging out the washing. I was about to moan about my DH too who seems to spend most of his life staring at his phone and avoiding any proper conversation but then he came out to check on me and gave me a hug, making me feel like even more of a cow.

I feel fat and tired. I’m not looking forward to going back to my job (teaching, I do love it really but...). I don’t know if my relationship is any good and I worry about what I/we are doing to our wonderful children.

I’m sure all of the above could only be improved by giving up drinking and yet I still resist. I’m just like a spoilt kid - I don’t want to stop! How on earth do you get past this stage?

Sorry for the long moan - I just needed to get it out. The thread seems very quiet at the moment. I hope that means everyone is enjoying the last of the summer rather than wallowing in self-pity like me.

Jade - sorry, not ignoring you, it just took me ages to write my post and in the meantime you had posted too.

How long have you been trying to moderate?

Hi everyone. I'm starting day 5 and feeling pretty good. I've lost a lb and feeling less bloated. Might have lost more but I've been eating lots of treats!

I've been reading Jason Vale and he talks about alcohol only changing things for the worse not the better. My worst time of day (and when I open the wine) is from 4.30 to 7.00 doing dinner, bathtime and bed. It stresses me out and I've been trying to think about what has changed about this last few days. Not much. It's still stressful whether I drink or not. So drinking doesn't change that. But at least I'm not hungover all day and not doing stuff with my kids so it's a definite improvement.

He also talks about not really liking the taste of certain wines, but then drinking them anyway. I do this a lot and it sounds similar to what jadedragon was saying above.

@peckishbabysitter I totally get the tired and fat feeling. And waking up the next morning thinking fuck I've done it again and fell like shit. Then I'm irritable and grumpy with the kids, tired and unmotivated. Housework gets left again and my mental health is rubbish.

The thing about the wine is really weird to me as usually I love it. Or maybe I don't and it's the alcohol I love!

I will have a look for the Jason Vale book.

My DH is home from work early tomorrow so that would usually mean drinks which means I'll be rough on Monday for the school run and I want to go out driving in the afternoon as I'm currently learning. Must keep my resolve as I know these 3 days I have off work will be full of hangovers and cancelling plans otherwise.

Me and the kids are having a lazy day today and I don't know if that's because of the wine last night or because we fancy one

Day2 you are doing brilliantly! I am having 1 glass of cider plus AF wine in the evening. I think it will be a week or two before I can ditch the "wine o'clock" feeling, but I suppose it is a start. A bit disappointed in myself if I'm honest, but dh is joining me tonight as he wants to lose weight.
Peckishbabysitter - I recently left teaching as a career, and that job had more than a little to do with my alcohol consumption going up. It's very common, I believe because of the stress. I guess we all need to look at other ways to unwind. Answers on a postcard please!

You too Millefeuille. Down from a bottle a day to one glass is massive. Maybe working out how many calories/How much money you've saved would help?

I had a wobble yesterday. My DC does an activity until 5 and the first thing I do when I get home is pour a glass of wine. I've also nearly finished the JV book and was hoping that by this point I'd be planning never to drink again. But I just don't see that happening. I'd just love to be able to drink "normally ".

Morning all
How is everyone doing?
peckish have you managed to start Dry September? I am doing it and feeling good already. Friday night is my trigger night as I finish work and always relate that to treating myself with a drink or three! This week I didn’t and it felt so good on Saturday morning to get up and go to the gym and have a good feeling about myself all day
mille you say you feel disappointed in yourself. I think you are doing really well. You have managed to cut your alcohol consumption back massively. Something to be proud of.
Day2 just wanted to say you are doing really well. Keep going!!
Jade I am also trying to lose weight. My problem is that if I don’t drink alcohol I just want to eat. That’s why I’m trying to go to the gym more. It gets me out of the house and stops me thinking about food all the time
Sunday is another trigger day for me as I like to have a glass of wine to “help” with the cooking. What I find difficult is getting out of these habits. Even if I don’t actually feel like a drink I will pour one. Today I will try and be more mindful and not pour that drink!
I’m really going to try and stick to Dry September.
Have a good day everybody.

Day2 just saw your post. I agree re the habit thing of pouring that glass after the activity. Did you manage to break the habit? And if so how did you do it?

Morning all. I had a dry Saturday night and even poured away the last of my wine from Friday. Yesterday was a right battle of wills.

I stumbled across the Sober September thread yesterday and have decided to attempt it which is not like me. I ashamedly admit that I used to scoff when I heard people doing Dry January and the likes

@millefeuille1 Well done you for cutting back so much. It's very rare that I'm able to stop after 1 or 2. I could probably count on one hand the number of times I've ever managed to stick to 1 glass, or that's what it feels like.

In terms of stress and how to do with it, I'm still a working progress in that respect. I have had a very difficult 18 months. Lately I have been looking at ways to try and feel better and de-stress. I'm dipping in and out of yoga and mindfulness and have changed my way of eating in the past 4 weeks. It's a work in progress but it helps to feel more in control.

@Trust2017 I love your gym dedication. I have been trying to squeeze in yoga at home and even dipped my toe in HIIT which frankly nearly killed me! I'm trying to do a little when I can and build up new routines. I have 2 young children so it isn't always easy!

@Day2 Breaking those drinking habits are so hard. I always have an excuse to drink, no work tomorrow? Drink. Sunny day? Drink. Bad day? Drink. Great day? Drink. I never go out in the evening if I'm working the next day as I wouldn't be able to drink so what's the point.

Morning all. Just checking in to say Hello to new Babes and old.
Back home now and not looking forward to work tomorrow. I need to get back to some sort of normality but I'm finding it hard to even get dressed. Hey how life goes on. Still sober though.

Peckish

What are you going to DO differently? Just wanting to stop drinking isn't enough for many, and they have to change what they actually do.
Changing our actions leads to changed thinking.

Does anyone have any other online resources they use? Facebook groups, Club Soda and the likes?

Peckish I didn't change much. My house still had alcohol in it, my husband still drinks. It had been such a long time coming, I just reminded myself over and over of all the bad, all the nights, and frankly sometimes days when I drank too much and just what an impact it had.
I also spent all the money I saved on frivolous things

Another one climbing aboard for sober September. August was a write off - but new term, new resolution. I’m in!

I start tomorrow.

Well done everyone ! Just catching up on posts!

I'm away with my DM. She drinks heavily and is planning to get merry tonight so really pissed. She's my biggest enabler. To say I've been tempted last couple of days is an understatement. 54 days sober and the challenge and willpower I do not possess has been tested.

Some days I don't even notice but others especially with my young kids and her I could sink pint after pint. DM said "you weren't ever that bad.." and I have visions of me falling on the dance floor plastered at my cousins wedding in front of the kids and other stuff I cringe at. Problem for me is I never knew when to stop. That's why I can't just have one as one leads to 7 or 11 pints.

Like I've said before - I don't really feel any physical benefits just more balanced in my mind. I've started to mentally unravel why my marriage failed and my other 'issues'.

I'm driving back tomorrow and we're back in school/work Weds so routine will prevail... !

Hello babes, I'm jumping back on the bus if I may after a long long time away. I got sober through AA several years ago. It was hard but very worth it. And total abstinence definitely seemed to be easier for me than trying to moderate (once the initial hump of cravings had passed). But this summer I've started to drink again, I'm not sure exactly why. I haven't had more than a couple of units at a time, so I'm definitely not back where I was in pre-AA days, but the problem is that I'm starting to fixate on alcohol again. I'm thinking all the time about whether or not I should have a drink. I miss being free and not having all the thoughts about alcohol.

The other problem is that I'm using alcohol not 'just for fun' but as a kind of self-medication to reduce stress. And finally, I enjoy the glass when I have it, but shortly afterward I start to feel quite sick -- groggy and depressed, as hamster mentioned above. I think my body is ultra-sensitive to alcohol.

So I would really like to do a dry September as a start. Today is day one. In a way the sensible thing to do would be to go to AA and ring my sponsor but I don't feel brave enough to do that at the moment. Which is ridiculous, I know. I prefer the relative anonymity of the babes!

I am trying to write an academic article at the moment (overdue!) and writing has always been one of my major triggers. I use the alcohol to overcome writer's block, sigh. But it's counterproductive as after half an hour or so, the drink makes me start to feel sick. I need to break up (again!) with the mad idea that alcohol 'helps' me write.

Apologies for a rambly post and love to all the babes old and new!

I might add that before I managed to get myself to AA, I was drinking every day all day long and it was dreadful. So even though I have not relapsed now in a big way, the fact that I've relapsed at all (and don't seem to be able to get back to sobriety) is scaring the hell out of me.

Hi marfisa. I'm sorry you have found yourself drinking again. You have done amazingly well.

It sounds like stress is your major trigger especially around writing. Is there anything you can do to relieve the stress at all? Apologies to sound ignorant but do you have to write? Or is there a way you can organise yourself so that the pressure is off a little? It sounds like a vicious circle

I think contacting your sponsor would be the absolute best thing you could do for yourself. If the shoe was on the other I'm sure you'd be eager to help someone that was struggling.

Be kind to yourself and keep posting here