Brave Babes Battle Bus: Sunshine, Roses and Mocktails All Round

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus since 2014. Over the years, lots of us have maintained the thread, most of all the lovely Mouse, who has been here since the early days, and still scurries onboard when she can.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in. Driers and Triers, all welcome.

Summer offers all kinds of challenges for those of us trying to change our relationship to alcohol, pub gardens, summer holidays, school holidays, and apparently there's a big football tournament too. If you want to read where the bus has been so far this year here's the link to the
last thread

And in case you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread

The Bus is a bit of a Mumsnet institution, but it has an open door policy, no cliques, no judgement, and the welcome is always warm. So hop on and join us.

Well done Iron. 2 weeks is amazing. You should be chuffed!

I came very close to breaking tonight. There was something on at the school and me&DS had to walk back past the local pub this evening. Everyone was outside in the sun having fun. DS wanted to stay because we knew people and they were chatting to us. I said no because it's late/I have the car/school tomorrow etc. I just felt a bit jealous I s'pose. That used to be my life. Anyway, I drove past my house to the shop then came to my senses and turned round. I've binge watched half a series on Netflix, eaten crap and now I'm going to bed.

Swars I missed your post. Don't feel ashamed to post on the thread. It's for everyone whatever stage they're at. If your marriage is making you so unhappy maybe you should think about leaving it. There's others on here better at advising than me. Hopefully they'll be along soon.

Well done baking that takes some strength. Even if you succumb another time, you can always remember that you DID do it tonight.

Happy birthdays to July born babes (me too) I'm a late July, so a roaring Leo.

Hi - belated happy birthday to you Baking - well actually on time, it is 10 to midnight!

Oh and Iron well done on your soberversary! The smock of smug belongs to you this weekend, enjoy!!!

Incredibles 2 is a fantastic film by the way

Morning all

Iron well done on 2 weeks.

5 days for me. That’s the most ive done in a very long time. I really think the reason we’ve managed this is because for the first time DH has admitted he’s finding it hard too. Usually I’d have moaned and he’d have bought a bottle. I’d have then been back on the wine again feeling guilty.

Off out tonight and I’m driving so tonight will be easy.

Just taking one day at a time. I now find that instead of thinking shall I have a drink tonight I’m worrying about how I will get through tomorrow. THats a definite mindset change.

One thing I am finding is I’m able to deal with my emotions better now I have a clearer head. I’m divorced and my DC are off for 2 weeks with their dad and his family and they hate going. DD was in tears but for once although I felt her pain, I was definitely able to deal with it better than I usually would. Amazingly I felt a little tearful in bed but didnt get as upset as I usually would and that surprised me. I guess Ive been drinking for years to block out the pain and maybe the pain has actually gone without me realising.

Sorry for the ramble

Enjoy your day x

Venus DS is also a roaring Leo but an August one! Happy birthday for next week!

Looking I went to see the new Thomas the tank engine film at the cinema today. It was ok but I think I would've enjoyed The Incredibles 2 more!

Time 5 days is great and it's fab that you & DH are able to support each other this time. I find my emotions are much easier to handle when AF. I've had some bad attacks of anxiety since stopping but they've been far apart and that general low level constant anxiety has stopped.

I've been to the pub with my friend and the kids this afternoon. We sat outside while the kids played, drank ice cold soft drinks and smoked a little and it was really lovely. I didn't mind not drinking because my friend wasn't. I've got AF kopparberg for later. It was for last night but I was knackered and ended up going to bed with DS. What's everyone else up to?

2 bottles of wine again last night and barely any memory of anything. Day one again today and this time I really am gonna do it, I can't carry on like this

Hi, can I join?
I’m 45 and fed up with drinking after a really crappy hangover today. We had friends over and I had fully intended to moderate and I have no idea what happened, I just had no off switch.
I don’t drink much on a day to day basis really (don’t really drink anything during the week) but when I do drink I go completely overboard.... I’m sure this will sound familiar.
I have read Justin Vale and i’m ready to stop poisoning my body. We’re off on holiday for 2 weeks next Fri and I feel weirdly good about having a booze free holiday! I’ll do some running/exercise and read some good books. DH is supportive. He manages to very successfully moderate. Although he will continue to drink there will be no pressure from him.
I really like the taste of plain tonic water - for me the gin never really added anything flavour wise so if we end up in pubs my drink choice will be relatively easy I hope.
Anyone got any other tips? I don’t think I drink enough to have a physical withdrawal (once this hangover is gone!) so it’s more about the psychological shift I guess.

monstrous booze free holidays at4e brilliant! You remember everything, you come back feeling light and toned and tanned. You haven't wasted a ton of money on sickly drinks that are more sugar than alcohol, and you get to raise your eyebrows at the people who are elbowing others out the way to get the free Sangria... Enjoy every moment.

Hi All. Thanks for all the messages of encouragement :)
Coconut keep going. In your own time and when you are ready. Did you download the Jason Vale book? It's very good. I'm about 3/4 of the way through. I started it in Feb and picked it up again when I knew it was time.

Welcome Monstrous and you sound strong .

SO I have just got back from my Mums. Bloody hard work. Spent 5 hours in a pub (airshow) whilst everyone around me swigged on beer :S Then she had a G&T as soon as we got home to hers. Innuendo after bloody innuendo. SHe's my worst enabler - I knew it was going to e challenging and guess what?

I did it . Day 18 folks. Unfrigginbelievable.

Timetochange
One thing I am finding is I’m able to deal with my emotions better now I have a clearer head. I’m divorced and my DC are off for 2 weeks with their dad and his family and they hate going. DD was in tears but for once although I felt her pain, I was definitely able to deal with it better than I usually would. Amazingly I felt a little tearful in bed but didnt get as upset as I usually would and that surprised me. I guess Ive been drinking for years to block out the pain and maybe the pain has actually gone without me realising.
I had some really quality time with my kids this weekend. I mean - when I wasn't barking at them or losing my shit; it was lovely to appreciate them. And I couldn't agree more about the drinking to block shit out. I reckon aside from my 'usual' or 'norm' drinking I completely self medicated for 14 months. My ex-H can't believe I've done this so far. And hey - I may still fall off this wagon but I can't believe I'm still on it...

Day 1 again for me, hungover & grumpy. Nothing too dire but I wish I hadn’t had anything at all.

I’m going to vent here is that’s ok. I drank last night because I was tired, i’m often tired because I’ve got small children, that’s normal. But the in laws came over for a visit and i’m not handling my emotions very well. They are pleasant people & our relationship is ok,it’s not perfect & it’s not broken, just normal polite chat.
However, i’m struggling because I feel so minimised by them, They’ve sort of labelled me SAHM - i’m not, I work from home. My opinions don’t matter, no one asks but at the same time Fil & Sil monologue about fascinating topics such as ‘ what fil eats for breakfast’
Fil has some very stupid values which he monologues about & I interrupt because I will not have someone sitting in my house talking crap about how women who have children shouldn’t go to university- ffs!
I should either- shut up & suck it up OR deal with it like an adult. I didn’t, I downed half a bottle & feel crap today.
Any advice on dealing with family relations? I’m never going to be in the place where I think it’s ok to be minimised & ignored. Deep down i’m angry at their treatment of my eldest child who has autism.
I think that if I had the money I probably need some counselling over this one, but we don’t have any spare funds. I don’t want to give my DH a hard time about them either, hence venting here.
Think I feel a bit better now. Today is day 1 again & I will be on the lemonade tonight!

Guggenheim,
Sorry you had a pants evening and you should cut yourself some slack for having a drink. I wish I had some advice about unreasonable relatives.
Perhaps write a list of non-controversial one liners that you can use to shut them up until they get the hint.
Interestingly i’m usually much better at dealing with crappy situations like this when i’m sober. There’s always next time. Sorry to have no useful advice.
I’n on day 2 of hangover. I really am a classic binge drinker. I will have no problem not drinking for ages then will suddenly think “oh fuck it” and go crazy. That’s what happened on Sat. I don’t feel too bad today just still very tired and fuzzy which I hate.

I’m now at the point where I think I have no idea why I ever drink. It doesn’t ever make anything better. But as JV says it’s a drug... and I am not in control.

When I look back over really good fun “laugh out loud” evenings, most of them I was pregnant or driving so I know that I don’t need alcohol at all to have a fab time.
So why do I still do it?

Morning all. I had been af since I first posted we have family over for a meal so had a small wine and lemonade with dinner then a small glass later when they had gone. I know it’s not being af but I am quite proud as normally I would of finished the bottle then moved onto pre mixed cans

Thank you monstrous I felt better writing it down & I like your suggestion. I need to find polite but firm ways to tell them how don’t agree or I need to use the kids to my best advantage and piss off to my bedroom with a book on the pretence that I can hear a child whinging 👍.
They are very,very unfiltered and it’s a bit like a 1950s sitcom. There was a peculiar little moment when Fil looked agreevied and tapped Mil on the leg, pointed at his watch while shaking his head at the temerity of the women. She scuttled to get his tablets and handed them over like the Crown Jewels. Then he sat there till she brought him a drink- he keeps himself very healthy & fit, there is no earthly reason why he needs another person to do any of this!!!

However, my part is that I should not drink. It’s my responsibility to stay pleasant or take myself off somewhere else or to set boundaries, even if they are total fuckwits.
Day 1.

Hey all. Slinking back on board from an extended sojourn in the sidecar. Haven’t read back fully, but so lovely to see so many familiar names. Big waves to all babes, older and newer.

I can’t remember when I last posted - I had a good AF run last summer/autumn and think I popped in and out of the threads then, but then managed to react to a (very possibly alcohol related) cancer diagnosis by deciding to drink heavily again. Utterly stupid. I’ve made various other positive life changes in response to the diagnosis but for some reason it’s felt like alcohol is my ‘reward’ for getting through the surgery and treatment. Bonkers. My head is scrambled - half of it saying ‘must do all I can to enhance life chances both for sake of self and family’, the other half saying ‘f* it, might as well just keep drinking and see what happens, can’t get any worse’ (oh yes it can, and obviously I know that, rationally).

Anyhoo, having just returned from a lovely holiday when I once again managed to spend my days putting wine in my empty coke cans, it’s time for another onslaught at sobriety. So, day 2. I’ll read back properly later, just wanted to get on board again and say hi.

Hey smallfox we can do this together. Day 1 and I know there is wine in the house.
Sorry to hear the cancer scare, hope you are ok now? I can understand the wish to drink because it’s a fall back mechanism for when things go right or wrong or when we’re tired etc. Don’t be hard on yourself.
I’m wobbling a bit so i’m going to read some club soda stuff and keep myself busy tonight. Might be a mint cornetto with my name on it.
On and I did the calm app mediation about relationships and I feel much better now.

smallpox. That all sounds like a nightmare. A cancer diagnosis affects everything including your whole outlook. Hope things are looking better now. Onwards and upwards.

SmallFox - all OK now?

Struggling today (Day 20). Had car-hell (just started a thread in AIBU), work was shit and a couple of male friends pissing me off.

I could swim to the bottle of tonight.... But there is nothing in my house thank fuck

After moderating the other night and doing so well I am struggling tonight I am stressed and fed up. I had vertigo a few months ago due to an ear infection and it seems to have reappeared without the earache I keep feeling faint and dizzy just got so much going on with an elderly mum and mil moving the horse that iam sure it’s all stress related but I am resisting opening a bottle of wine

Fox! So good to see you but it sounds like you’ve been having a terrible time of things. Cancer??? WTF? How are you now? What’s the prognosis? Sending you hugs and . I hope you can put it behind you and focus on the future now.

Guggs, no words of wisdom for you I’m afraid but I feel your pain, I’m staying st my Dad’s with the DC for ten days and I’m miserable, my Dad doesn’t want us here and is very passive aggressive plus he’s having a very weird relationship with his neighbour who I think is after his money so suffice to say it’s all a bit shit. Hope you get through your IL visit with your sanity intact!

Hi to all newbies and well done to everyone who’s beating the WW at the moment, it’s a bloody difficult time of year to stay AF so every single day is a triumph.

Looking - I missed your Birthday - I'm so sorry ! I hope you had a good one and you are having a better week

Day 5 here! Feeling great. Sleeping well, waking naturally. Feeling alert and back on my game. No cravings yet although I came across a mini bottle of wine in the back of the cupboard (the kind we have in for cooking where recipes require a glass) and my immediate reaction was “excellent I can drink that”
I mean really? Why? It will taste shit....
it was a fleeting thought but still shocked me... there’s also plenty of other better tasting alcohol in the house if i’d really been determined to have a drink....so i’m feeling confused by that fleeting, intrusive and rather weird thought....

Day 213 AF. Never thought I'd say that! Last drink Christmas Day.

I've been lurking and cheering you all on. I'm a bit meh lately. We went away on holiday up to the Highlands and I fell in love with its wild beauty. I'm not liking being back even though I live in an equally beautiful place! Plus I'm suffering perimenopause and the flushes in this heat are horrendous. 😕