I didn't ACTUALLY realise this was a thing....... *TMI ALERT*

[dramabeanqueen]

Things not good in relationship. Fine for long periods of time then hit a crisis point. Sore points are In Laws who hate me and DH's obsessional control over household money. Anyway...

Here is TMI so sorry in advance:

This morning whilst half asleep I could feel the bed shaking a bit. I realised that DH was actually masturbating. I pretended to still be asleep until it was over. OK not a big deal. I supposes he has the right to masturbate in his own bed... right?? Even though I would never masturbate in our bed with him right beside me. Would only do it in private. But anyway, it's not even about the masturbation per se.

What he DID do however was masturbate into a sock. I had no idea that was actually a THING?! I thought that was just a big media joke but it seems that this actually does exist? Not only that but he left the sock lying on the floor next to the bed. Now that it is much later in the day, he has put the sock into the washing basket. BUT I am the person in the house who does all the laundry.

I am quite frankly disgusted.
Am I wrong to feel disgusted about any of the above?
Either masturbating right beside me? Or the sock?
Or leaving it lying on the floor beside the bed?
I feel repulsed by all of it if I am honest.

Need other perspective/Viewpoints..... please. Thanks in advance.

Omg. Why wait a few weeks if he's going to leave you? I'm so sorry, op. I'd be asking for clarification when he's home later.

He often leaves wank socks on the floor. I actually provide a laundered basket of muslin cloths (no longer required for a baby) but if they run out he uses a sock. I often collect the used socks and cloths.

Bloody hell. This can't be true!

This thread has taken a most dramatic turn.

Bloody hell. This can't be true!

The perfect housewife. Laundered muslin 🤣

The wanking while in bed with me would piss me off but not the using a sock. I would also have no problem washing said sock. Have you asked him what the comment about not having to worry about it in a few weeks meant?

I'm sorry but I think you're overreacting a lot to the wanking situation.
However, there's obviously more to it and seems like this is the straw that broke the camel's back and you've now gotten to the point where anything he does frustrates you even if it is just wanking.
You need to have it all out with him and if he doesn't want to help you more then you should leave because it'll never get better otherwise

How disgusting, I have no problem with the wanking in bed it's the into a sock thing I don't get can't he be normal and wank into a tissue or condom, something that is easy to dispose of once finished! but him expecting you to wash his wanking sock without even a warning is just wrong, you were right to pull him up on it. His response sounds like he's planning on leaving so there's way more pressing issues you two need to discuss than his gross habits.

Tell him you won't be waiting a couple of weeks.
You will NOT be doing his washing anymore and as he's planning on leaving then he can do it sooner rather than later and you'll help him pack his bags.
He doesn't get to screw you over in his time frame.
Start getting angry OP.

And.... get as much paperwork together as you can right now.
Wage slips, pensions info, property info, passports, birth certs, marriage cert (you will need this to divorce him but I have a feeling he may have already filed so find that if you can), asset info (i.e. cars, other properties), account info (current and savings), ISA's, etc...
Get your ducks in a row as fast as possible.
See as many solicitors in your area as possible.
Especially ones that offer a free half hour consultation.
It will make it harder for him to find one if you have already seen them. Even just for an initial visit, it's a conflict of interest.

Start digging if you can.
He won't be leaving to be on his own. There will be OW.
Get access to what you can and gets pics and screen shots of anything you see.

Is there someone you can talk to?
Someone who won't judge you if things work out differently and you stay together?

He'll be doing his own organising if he's intending to leave, so get your hands on as much paperwork as you can, as hellsbells advises.

Yeah it's all a bit grim really. We have two very small children under 5 and I can't believe we are here. He is a decent person and a good dad. Just not good in a relationship.

In fact I prob should have mentioned but didn't think it was relevant but we aren't married. So my situation is probably even more dire than I realise. I am entitled to nothing re house and kids maintenance I expect.

A lot of people can't wank in bathrooms because it's a bit grim (in no way do I mean myself at all, OK, me I can't wank in bathrooms successfully).

My Ex-Husband used to do this a lot towards the end of our marriage. I think in the 10 years of our marriage he brushed his teeth about twice so I wasn't exactly keen on kissing him but still was pretty disgusting hearing and feeling wanking next to me when I was awake . . .

another reason he's an ExH

If he’s very mean with money and also rudely wanking next to you without a word then he’s not all that decent. He sounds unpleasant. I am sorry about what he said. Have you got friends to support you? And can I ask, what’s up with the PIL?

Hi. Yes I have supportive people around. PIL have hated me since we had children. When they realised they couldn't control us as a family unit. They have tried to break us up and OH wasn't there for me emotionally when we were expecting our second child because of his parents influence.

Control of one type or another with all of them! I’m really sorry you are where you are but have to say you seem pleasant and reasonable. You deserve better.

I think that's a thing. I have always blamed his controlling ways on his parents and made allowances for him that there's scope for him to grow and improve which he has to some extent. But maybe I just need to accept that this is just the way he is

LTB.

But the wank sock is a "thing"

You will still be entitled to child maintenance payments without being married, only difference is that if you’re married you may also get spousal maintenance I.e. if you’ve given up work to be a SAHM that is reflected in the divorce settlement. But he still needs to pay for his children, married or not. And you will be entitled to lone parent benefits etc.

I am entitled to nothing re house and kids maintenance I expect
As PP says - they are HIS children and he has to support them.
So yes, you will get maintenance.
Unfortunately you are probably right regarding the house.
Unless you can prove that you contributed for more than 2 years you won't be entitled to much.
Speak to Citizens Advice regarding benefits, tax credits, housing benefits etc.....
And see if you can get a free half hour with a solicitor regarding finances and a settlement - if there is any way to get one.

Thanks to everyone for all of your comments. I really appreciate the time, viewpoints and advice.

Oh dear,, i think its a bit much having a wank in bed with your partner who you presumably assume is asleep. Maybe he squirted it into a sock to save messing up the bedding thus thinking you would know he was having a sly wank? Some men have no self control..totally wrong in my view.

The sock wank, the money issues, the PIL’s are really just a symptom of the real underlying symptom.....

You just don’t like each, there is no communication, there is no give and take, patience, understanding from both sides, I think.

You are both better off without each other and I’m guessing this horrible, negative situation is affecting the children.

You are not his skivvy.

But he is not you cash cow.

Might be best if you both call it a day.