I didn't ACTUALLY realise this was a thing....... *TMI ALERT*

[dramabeanqueen]

Things not good in relationship. Fine for long periods of time then hit a crisis point. Sore points are In Laws who hate me and DH's obsessional control over household money. Anyway...

Here is TMI so sorry in advance:

This morning whilst half asleep I could feel the bed shaking a bit. I realised that DH was actually masturbating. I pretended to still be asleep until it was over. OK not a big deal. I supposes he has the right to masturbate in his own bed... right?? Even though I would never masturbate in our bed with him right beside me. Would only do it in private. But anyway, it's not even about the masturbation per se.

What he DID do however was masturbate into a sock. I had no idea that was actually a THING?! I thought that was just a big media joke but it seems that this actually does exist? Not only that but he left the sock lying on the floor next to the bed. Now that it is much later in the day, he has put the sock into the washing basket. BUT I am the person in the house who does all the laundry.

I am quite frankly disgusted.
Am I wrong to feel disgusted about any of the above?
Either masturbating right beside me? Or the sock?
Or leaving it lying on the floor beside the bed?
I feel repulsed by all of it if I am honest.

Need other perspective/Viewpoints..... please. Thanks in advance.

If he is being an arse, and you don’t mind, go back to work. Then Mr Fabulous will have to pull his weight, share the chores, be more respectful of you and will hopefully have less energy for the creepy, sneaky five knuckle shuffle. He sounds horrible. Very sorry.

Do you know what, the wanking is horrible but the meanness is what would kill it for me. I do feel for you.

I would have to ask him outright what the fuck he thinks he is doing putting a sock full of his stuff in the washing bin. I wouldn’t care how much it embrassed him - vile man.

From today he would be doing his own washing

He sounds very horrible, why are you still with him?

On the pillow

...and I'd piss myself laughing as I arranged it.

I am not going to comment at all on wanky sock (although leaving it on the DH pillow is genius). What I will comment on is that, although you may have JOINTLY agreed that he would continue to work after you both had children, and that you would stay at home, after separation and divorce that JOINT agreement is thrown out of the window.. The family courts are incapable of dealing with joint arrangements made during marriage. So you need to consider your financial future and if that means that the only income into the household currently, pays for childcare, so that you can return to work. then so be it.

An ex of mine had a 'wank sock'. He kept it shoved down the side of his bed. I found it when I was helping him move his room around and nearly threw up I have no idea how often he washed it. I was completely disgusted but he felt that it was normal!

Men are weird.

Sorry, not a helpful comment I know.

But struggling to find any redeeming features in this guy. If I ever met a man who did this, that would be it as far as I'm concerned. Yuck.

"Wanky toes "
Sorry Op, that sounds pretty revolting and...juvenile. Tell him straight - do it in privacy of shower and hand him the sock to wash, dirty bugger!

Let's hope he's not got athletes foot.

@Noonelikesfruitcake howling at your comment

Couldn't you just casually ask him how his blisters are. He'll obviously look confused and then you can brandish the offending sock in front of him and say I found this and it's full of yucky puss!
Seriously though, the wanking isn't so much of a big deal, it's how he treats you otherwise. I agree with pp, discuss with him about getting a p/t job, if nothing else it will boost your self-esteem.

Can wankytoes be a thing we say to prove we aren't trolls? Then my life will peak

OP sorry, don't want to be flippant. The controlling money thing is concerning too. Is he financially abusive?

OMG what's the issue he shot his load into a sock ... buy some tissues and chill out.

Update.

Last night I was sitting at the washing machine loading laundry. I said:

Can I ask you a favour please?
- Yes, what?

From now on, could you put your dirty socks straight into the washing machine?
- Yes, why?

Because I don't particularly want to be handling your socks when they have been sitting in the basket full of your cum.
(Silence)
- Ok. Don't worry, in a few weeks you won't have to worry about it anymore.

Omg i sooo soooo dont miss this!! My stbxh used to do this all the time. We have young children and he never picked the sock up and put it in the wash basket always left it to me! He used to get into bed next to me and watch porn he know this upset me and made me more self conscious. He also used to stay up late and do it down stairs.
Personally looking back now i see it as part of a much bigger problem. He didnt respect woman and he certainly didn't respect me. He also had a problem with his addiction to porn.
He even made reference when he left me and the kids that we didn't snog like the porn he watched!! Im certainly not saying that all men that watch porn have a problem but my stbxh certainly did, he has a huge problem with control.

Ok. Don't worry, in a few weeks you won't have to worry about it anymore.

he said what now? Is that an indication he's leaving you?

This is what I said in my first post in this thread...
"I asked him why he'd have wanked instead of having sex, he said it was because he didn't want to wake me. It was actually because he was having an affair, and obviously thinking about the OW. I thought we weren't have sex because we were getting on badly, but we weren't having sex because he was getting it elsewhere, and being an arse because he felt guilty."

I actually provide a laundered basket of muslin cloths

😐

YABU to be so grossed out by your own husband’s jizz.

I’m sure all of you who think it’s gross and wouldn’t want to touch the sock etc are only too happy to be in receipt of it when trying for a baby! WTF is wrong with people who find it so disgusting?!

I remember a previous thread on it with the immortal line “it’s spunk not bin juice”.

I’d be more pissed off at having to pick up his dirty laundry off the floor than by the contents of said laundry or the manner in which it got dirty!

Well it sounds from your updates that you have bigger problems than the sock.

How did you answer that comment about it not being a problem in a few weeks? Pretty sure he doesn’t mean he’ll start doing his own laundry by then

I wouldn't worry about this too much. At least he didn't leave a mess in the bed.
I would be more annoyed that dirty laundry is just left on the floor - wanky or not!