Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My boyfriend doesn't like my sister

150 replies

Anony123 · 08/06/2018 08:07

My family are real family people but my boyfriend family isn't so much. My sister gets on my nerves a lot too but at the end of the day we are family. The problem is we all hate her boyfriend and she is becoming more and more like him. But the thing that is annoying my partner the most is the way she acts about our 8 month old daughter.

E.g 1) yesterday we went down to theirs and they live with my dad. My sister had kept up my nephews push along walker for my lo. We were talking about how she walks around holding our hands (but has no balance of her own yet). She then goes "oh I'll get the walker out for her and we can try it out". Of she goes and gets the walker. I gave her a big hug saying thank you and that we will try it with her in a few months. She then proceeds to say "try it on her today, she'll be fine" I say not yet again and she still went on until I said not yet again. She then was in the kitchen and we could hear her mumbling to her boyfriend about it and this really annoyed my partner.

E.g 2) yesterday again I was upstairs using my dad's printer so I wasn't there. My boyfriend said this is how it went. My nephew (nearly 2 years old) was trying to give our lo a chocolate gingerbread man and they were all like no no. So my dad suggests to my boyfriend to get her some cheese out of the fridge. My boyfriend did so and when he came back out she had the ginger bread man in her mouth and apparently my sister looked up saw it and looked back down. This made his really annoyed because they know how we feel about junk food for her.

E.g 3) my sister's boyfriend went to give our daughter a cuddle a few months back with no top on. My boyfriend asked if he could put a top on (as he didn't feel comfortable with anyone but us having skin to skin, fair enough). My sister then whispered to him in the kitchen "just cuddle her anyway it's fine". This really upset my boyfriend.

E.g 4) my sister and her boyfriend are smokers. When we told them we don't feel comfortable that they give our lo a cuddle after smoking and we would like them to wait half an hour and we would like them to change their top if before hand,we heard them bitching about it.

I don't know what to do! We only live a 20 minute walk from each other and when they will be at my dad's he tries to avoid seeing them at all costs and it really upsets me. He gets really funny about it saying that he doesn't want to see them every week and that we need our own lives and that we moved our so we don't have to deal with them. It upset me because yeah they annoy me to but she is my sister at the end of the day. She then said she was going to surprise us and pop up earlier (this was yesterday) and then later that day he said that he thinks it's wrong for her to show up to our house unannounced and she just kind of lets my nephew run about our house without watching him so it's actually my boyfriend that runs around after him as we are in the middle of doing it up as we just moved in last month. I just don't know what to do but it's causing tension and I hate that

OP posts:
ichifanny · 08/06/2018 08:55

Your baby is he right age for a baby walker , I don’t particularly bother about them myself but they aren’t for babies that can already walk .

Anony123 · 08/06/2018 08:56

He feels they get too involved and act like she is their own and that they have a say in the way she is raised

OP posts:
Dancingmonkey87 · 08/06/2018 08:58

You’re backtracking now op because you haven’t got the answers you wanted surely the safety aspect and the bf anger issues would have been addressed in the op? So sound incredibly young.

Anony123 · 08/06/2018 09:00

I'm not backtracking. I didn't put them in because that's reasons we both don't trust them. This post is about reasons my boyfriend has a problem with them. The post isn't about my issues it's about his. That's why I keep saying that none of this is about me.

OP posts:
deydododatdodontdeydo · 08/06/2018 09:00

You're blaming your boyfriend, but it's clear you get annoyed about her too!
"I didn't want to use the walker yet", you said.
It sounds like you and boyfriend are in agreement about your sister.

Dancingmonkey87 · 08/06/2018 09:00

I’m not surprised at your ages,have you been together long with this bf? I had ds at the similar age and my ex was very much the same about my family, he was EA and was wanting to disconnect me from my family.

eurgh · 08/06/2018 09:01

My initial reaction was that you boyfriend was the one with the issues, your updates have confirmed this. Who really cares if one of you miss the first time she plays with a walker, or any other toy?! Your family are just being loving - would be rather they ignored her and showed her no affection. Deal with the boyfriend not your family.

Anony123 · 08/06/2018 09:01

We aren't. I didn't want her using the walker yet but I didn't get annoyed about it at all. I just said that I feel I'd like her to have her balance a bit more first but it didn't bother me in the slightest

OP posts:
Forumqueen · 08/06/2018 09:01
  1. her boyfriend has anger issues and shouts at my nephew all the time and 2) she is terrible with safety like leaves my nephew in the bath by himself, let's him play in the concrete garden with steps by himself, doesn't strap him properly in to the high chair, let's him run around by himself in the house.

It’s incredibly hard raising a child as you know. Your judging your sisters parenting skills which will always cloud your judgement on her behaviour. This post to me sounds like u have the same views as your boyfriend. Maybe you should distance yourself from your sister.

happypoobum · 08/06/2018 09:02

You sound very immature.

I couldn't stand to be in a relationship with someone who was so over involved with their family. I agree with PP - put some distance between you and cut down the visits.

Dancingmonkey87 · 08/06/2018 09:02

The other stuff in your post is trivial, the safety aspect you drop feed later on are not however they parent there own child in the way they want to. They aren’t asking them to have your dd they are simply having a relationship with her with you there what’s the problem?

Anony123 · 08/06/2018 09:02

Guys that's the whole point I'm making. What do I do about my boyfriend acting like this!? I know it's not my family, hence the reason I am going on about my boyfriend being like this...

We have been together 2.5 years

OP posts:
Dancingmonkey87 · 08/06/2018 09:04

Ditch the bf blood is thicker than water or alternately you can see your family with your bf not present.

ichifanny · 08/06/2018 09:05

You tell him that he may find them irritating over trivial matters but they are your family so you would appreciate if he wouldn’t start arguments over minor matters .

Forumqueen · 08/06/2018 09:05

See your family without your boyfriend

TheBogWitchIsBack · 08/06/2018 09:05

He sounds like hard work.

Anony123 · 08/06/2018 09:06

Woah hold on now. I love my sister to bits but she is terrible on safety. It's not hard to not leave an under 2 year old in the bath by himself or strap him properly in to his high chair and car seat. My dad and mum say it too and they always go on to her about his safety. And the boyfriend shouts at him for interrupting him on the Xbox or phone... Doesn't mean I dont love my sister just means I wouldn't let them mind her

OP posts:
Pandora79 · 08/06/2018 09:07

Tbf it doesn't sound like you know what's going on. You seem to be convinced Dp is the problem. But also that these small issues are big deals.

Dancingmonkey87 · 08/06/2018 09:07

No one said anything to you about minding her your bf is complaining about her when she is seeing her at her house with you there. You asked for a solution ditch the bf or don’t invite him round when you see your family.

DilemmaaboutMoney · 08/06/2018 09:08

Oh God, I hate parents like you. Your sister sounds fine. You, on the other hand, sound bloody ridiculous. Even the 4 examples you came up with, are total Non-issues.

Baby walker - your sister gave you a gift, of course you could have tried her with it, being close enough to catch her if she fell.

Chocolate gingerbread man - what's the big deal, FFS?

My boyfriend asked if he could put a top on (as he didn't feel comfortable with anyone but us having skin to skin, fair enough

No. It's not "fair enough", it's fucking preposterous. What are you implying, when you say that the only people who can have "skin on skin" contact with your DD are you and your BF? It's almost like you are implying that your sisters BF might get a kick out of having skin on skin contact. How insulting and rude.

I think my sister is just being nice to but my boyfriend wants us to do the firsts with her so he would have been upset if they say used the walker with her first as its a first

He feels my sister takes over every moment because like when she first said mama and first time she went in her high chair she went crazy running around the house getting excited and hugging her and he feels those moments should be our moments

I know my boyfriend would have been annoyed if they did it because he would have liked one of us to be the first to do it with her as it's a big thing (to him) and he wouldn't want someone else "taking that from him"

To be honest, the more you type, the more I am cringing. Your sister sounds ace. Your boyfriend sounds like a controlling twat. Has he always been so negative?

Would it be better, if your sister took no notice of your neice?

Slowly but surely, he will alienate your from you family, and control you more and more and more.

Uugh.

Anony123 · 08/06/2018 09:10

They arent big deals to me they are big deals to him. I want my family involved. His family aren't close at all. I understand his reasons for wanting to be there for her firsts as his dad passed when he was very young and so he doesn't want to miss out on things with her but it's really getting to me because I want my family involved and I want him to chill out about all this

OP posts:
Dancingmonkey87 · 08/06/2018 09:10

You obviously must see some issues with your bf to be posting in the first place. Is he controlling in other areas of your life? Do you go out with your friends? Have time to yourself or is your bf always there?

Clubcuts · 08/06/2018 09:11

You're issue is with your boyfriend not your sister.

DilemmaaboutMoney · 08/06/2018 09:12

Kids having kids, innit?

Miserysquared · 08/06/2018 09:12

I think it might be helpful to sit down with your partner and talk to him (if you can). It sounds like either something has happened with him and your sister to break this brother sister bond they used to have, or that he is subtly, or not, trying to put a wedge between you and your family.

If he is just going to huff and strop around them it makes more sense for you to visit your sister and nephew without him.