I'm close to tears having read all your posts and seen how much he has brainwashed and broken you. This is not a normal way to live, but I can understand how after your childhood you would think it was.
Respectfully, I don't think you fully understand abuse, and in particular coercive control. It's subtle and insidious. He might not tell you not to see your friends, but instead tell you things that make you doubt whether they're true friends, or tell you they hit on him, or start a fight when you were just about to go out, or make "exciting, romantic" plans that "accidentally" clash with plans to see friends.
You keep listing his good traits. You understand that abusers are not evil monsters, right? If they were monsters, who acted abysmally 100% of the time they would never be able to get close enough to anybody to abuse them. Charming everyone else in your life is how he protects himself - so they won't suspect and you won't feel they'll believe you so you keep it a secret.
He doesn't have anger management issues. That is an excuse. Abusers love the anger management excuse. "You drove me to it with your nagging"...
I second the recommendation for you to do the Freedom Programme. You will probably find it challenging as it will require you to face the truth about his behaviour, but in the long run it will help you.
When you describe the circumstances in which he shouts at you, I think about the rules of the game. He shouts to get you back in line. This works so he doesn't need to escalate to violence yet. Although I notice he mentioned wanting to hit somebody else. Bet that was frightening. Did it make you more compliant for a while? More hesitant to do anything that might make him shout?
This video is really short but it reflects your situation: m.youtube.com/watch?v=uN1HW5cwydA
As for him not being interested in changing. He doesn't need to. You've gone back to him 4 times after he deployed coercion and manipulation to drag you back. He now knows he can do whatever he likes and get away with it. I bet that's why he's even worse since the wedding - he knows you're tied to him.
Your cousin is dangerous. I was appalled that she suggested bringing a baby into this. I'm disgusted that she told you to go back to him. It's abhorrent.
As for the concerns about the baby. People aren't suggesting you don't know how to care for one. They are pointing out that a child growing up with an abusive father, who demeans and breaks down and bullies the child's mother so that she and the child are always walking on eggshells, is destructive and damaging.
I grew up in a home like that. It was horrific. I grew up into an adult who couldn't identify abuse, much like you, who thought it was normal to be treated that way, and ended up with my own abusive partner who terrorised me and broke me.
I saw also your shock at WA being suggested. It reminded me of my own shock when for the first time I confided in the shouting that had been going on in my home. Luckily it was to a therapist who was extremely clued up on the dynamics of abuse. She responded to me, "that's classic domestic violence".
I was horrified and convinced she was mistaken. I didn't believe it until I attended the Freedom Programme a few months later and could no longer run from the truth. It was like the FP was written about my abuser (although at that point I still felt sorry for him, blamed myself, and wouldn't have dared to call him abusive. It was much less painful to blame myself than accept that someone I thought loved me had been deliberately abusing me for all those years.)
There are not "two sides" to abuse. That is not how it works. It's about one party seeking to hold and maintain power and control over the other. It is impossible to provoke someone into abusing you. It is their independent choice.
When I say abuse I mean coercive control, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, financial abuse... I don't mean the use of abusive words (although obviously that would feature in the former). There is a massive difference.
Attila has given excellent and very perceptive advice that has been entirely spot on about CC and abuse generally. It is easier for us to see it because we are on the outside, and I expect several of us having gone through it ourselves have also had something of an education on the subject when we were trying to figure things out.
I am not surprised either that couples counselling went the way it did. Coercive controllers are experts at manipulation, and couples counselling is never recommended in an abusive relationship for the reasons you experienced. Far too few therapists are well enough trained in coercive control and the dynamics of abuse to recognise it. It's common for abusers to exploit that to get the therapist to rubber stamp their blaming of the other party. As happened to you.
Have you read the poem "he bought me flowers today"? I thought of it a few times when you described his behaviour after kicking off at you.
If you struggled before with only having friends in couples, have you tried expanding your circle? There are people living other lives. Joining an interest group is a good way to meet people. There's less pressure then, but you get to socialise people with a common interest so it's a bit easier.
You say he loves you. You say he's told you that. But somebody who loved you would never abuse you so extensively for so many years. He would not treat you like this if he loved you. He might love the idea of you belonging to him, but I don't think he can love you. I'm sorry.
It took me a year from first hearing the words domestic violence being applied to my life to actually leaving. I truly hope it doesn't take you as long as me, because your life does not have to be this way.