I'm so ANGRY, I could smash his face in!

[DilemmaaboutMoney]

I have no idea what to do about this!

Long story short, my ExH managed to convince the CMS that he earned substantially less than he did. Got them to believe he earned £32,000 when his salary was in fact £132,000. They only have evidence that he underpaid for 1 year (it was actually 3-4 years) and they arrested his wages to collect the arrears for that 1 year (£4k).

Kids are both half way through Uni. They get Student Loan, plus a top up from him and me. For context here, we both support them the same monthly sum, even though my take-home is about £1500/2000 and his take-home is about £7500.

CMS arrested his wages a few months ago, I got my £4k, and in all likelihood, will never see a penny of the additional Circa £12k that he owes me for the years they cannot get proof for.

Found out recently, from a tearful DD, that ExH stopped sending his monthly support payment a few months ago, and she is down to her last £20. I phoned my son, who confirmed that he no longer gets support from Dad.

I told both kids to ask Dad why he had stopped paying, and his response was "Ask your Mum" and "Get your Mum to call me".

There is no way I want to call him. He went NC with me when the youngest went to Uni. Would not reply to any calls or texts (all related to the kids of course). So we haven't had any contact since 2016.

I suspect that he reckons, that if he withdraws his financial support, that I will have no choice, other than to send them extra, and he will therefore claw back what they recently arrested his wages for.

For context, the amount we both send each child, is £200pm. So, from my £2000 salary (which can be as low as £1000 some months, as I'm self employed), I outlay £400 total each month, and he outlays the exact same, despite earning at least £7500 monthly. So it's a large outlay for me, but a drop in the ocean for him. Both kids do also work the summer.

What the fuck do I do? Both kids are down to their last pennies.

I sent a text this afternoon saying "Why aren't you sending the kids their monthly money, they are both short" Sent that hours ago, and typically no reply.

I wish he would just burst in to fucking flames!

Guy sounds like a prick.

What an arsehole! Sounds like he is doing this just to get at you/get you to communicate with him so he feels as though he has some control over you. Forget that - get your kids to do the reasoning with him, and if he refuses to help them directly then he risks a breakdown of his relationship with them. In the meantime there isn't much more you can do other than continue to support them as much as you can. I really feel for you as I know how expensive it is to help your kids through uni, we're doing it with my stepdaughter/stepson at the moment. No way could they do it all themselves.

I do agree with you that you Ex is a Dick, but your DC could really do more to support themselves - consider it as a positive and character building.

I'm in Scotland with 2 DC at different Universities. DD is in Edinburgh, gets the minimum £4750 loan and her rent last year was £400pm and will be £300 in the coming year. She works about 16hrs per week and I give her £200. I don't think she's particularly felt the pinch at any point in the last year. She got a new job recently just from handing her CV in to shops in the High Street, and previously had a job with a major retailer. It's a bummer to work every weekend, but it's not forever and it's good work experience.

You and your DC don't need the Dick and his money.

I'm in Scotland with 2 DC at different Universities

Snap!

Will he be happy if they say they can't continue at uni?
They surely will not feel the same about him now.
Rotten way to behave

Well, she does have one lined up, which would only pay £400 for the whole summer, so big wow. Given that he's earning £7500pm, why not just take that stress away?

Really OP.
You don't seem to get it. He doesn't care and he doesn't need to pay anymore. It's none of your business how much he earns now..your children are adults.

£400 for a whole summer of working is PATHETIC and definitely not a whole summer! Won't believe for a second she struggled to find a job in London or any big city..even if she worked at mcdonalds or kfc full time hours for whole holidays she would end up with circa 2k.

Men like this are scum. But as everyone has said, let him take the consequences of this in terms of his relationship with the DC. He does indeed seem very smug about it. Let's hope they surprise him.

Oh and eightfaces' post was great. Go by every word of that.

It's horrible that your xh is basically using the kids to punish your audacity. Mine tried to do the same. However as the dc are older now they finally see him for what he is and told him to shove his money.

There is no easy solution unfortunately, but as they are both in uni they need to start working on a regular basis as well as studying.

You have raised fully capable adults. They need to start taking some responsibility. As much as we would all love to be in a position whereby they wouldn't have to do it. It's called life.