What do you and OH talk about?

[AllIHaveToDo]

I was wondering what you and your other halves talk about? And how much?

My dp has never been great at conversation and I'm actually pretty bored tbh. Been together 6 years, two kids and in the midst of all this I find him boring.

He's never had in-depth conversation about anything ever. His main topics of discussion is his work because he hates his job. I tell him little anecdotes about my day or about random things and he just smiles but never makes conversation. He's not a great listener, you can be in the middle of telling him something and he walks off to do something or he interrupts you with something else where he's got the wrong end of the stick or not got the whole story.

I'm fed up of having little conversation apart from what there is to sort out in the daily grind of life. There's no spark and I don't think there's ever been much of one. I find myself mentally bored looking for stimulation, some debate, something interesting.

He constantly rips me apart for being on MN however it's because you can pretty much discuss anything on this forum and I find it more mentally stimulating than trying to drag a conversation out of him.

You deserve more.....maybe he feels the same though??
Could be that it needs a bit of honesty from you both to work out what you need from each other, unless it isn’t each other that you need.

I couldn’t bear a relationship like this. I’m an intelligent woman and I need mental stimulation. After 9 years and with 3 very young kids, me and DH still talk about anything and everything - we both love politics and chat about the news most days, we have a box set on the go that we talk about, we talk about the kids and work and friends. Plans for the house, places we want to travel (holidays are a shared passion) and all manner of other things.
I wish he was into fiction but he isn’t so i tend to read on my own and discuss books with friends.
Your relationship would leave me feeling isolated and lonely.
I think I’d try to stay with him but go out a lot to see friends for company. But if you literally are fighting for things to talk about on meals out and holidays then I think I’d know it was over.

this is us

Well, if you want to make it work, I'd look at reviving your mutual interest in music by joining a band or playing at an open mic night together or something of that sort, even if you have to drag him along to start with. If he doesn't get enthused and wants to to let it fall to the wayside again, at least you've tried and you'll still have it. NOt easy, I know, with small dc, but worth a shot.

You deserve more.....maybe he feels the same though??

I was thinking the same. Good point Tallula

*I feel like retaliating 'Well fucking make life more interesting then and maybe I'd get off here and discuss with you my inner-most thoughts!!' Would this help do you think, if so say it.

Everything. We regularly stay up until dawn just talking. Politics, art, literature, language, our careers, everything.

Just been out for a walk with the kids, eldest on his bike and the youngest on his scooter. Dp walked ahead with Ds1 whilst I traipsed behind with ds2 who is very slow (only 2 years old). Most of the conversation I had was with the kids apart from telling dp to hold youngest's hand when crossing the road.

We're back now, I think dp has gone to sit out the back in the sunshine while the kids are resting/napping on the settee.

Tallula I have been as honest as I can be with him but he doesn't go in for heart to heart talks, they definitely aren't his style. He just ends up getting annoyed with me and nothing changes.

Weirdly he's always quick to mention when we've not had sex 'for ages' but seems to bear no relevance to the fact that there's more to intimacy between couples than just sex

DH and I are both big talkers and probably drive everyone else nuts. I couldn't have started a relationship with anyone I couldn't have what I felt was an interesting conversation with, though it took me a while to realise that some silence is OK and normal.

It must feel so deadening.

I had an ex who was such an interesting and deep man, sensitive, creative, idiosyncratic - but he hardly ever wanted to talk. He wasn’t a great listener. He was silent and would kind of freeze, unresponsive. He had depression.

When we did have rare conversations everything was there but he just couldn’t manage it most days. Although I loved him in the end the silence felt like a sort of control over me, I felt unheard and silenced by him, and had to leave him.

My DH can express himself and loves conversation. It makes an enormous difference.

DH and I were best friends before we got together. We've known each other for over 20 years and never run out of things to chat about. Same as it is with my female best friend we just chat about whatever - house, work, money, friends, kids, life goals, politics, our worries, just joking around etc etc.

I couldn't live my life with someone who bored me.

My husband appears the chattiest most outgoing guy in the world at work and social occasions, as soon as he's home though...a totally different story. I could say we talk about lots of stuff but the truth is I talk at him, he smiles/nods/grunts/rolls eyes, I have a go at him for being quiet and then he snaps that he's had to talk all day and doesn't want to now home. It's a bit shit

I talk to my dh all the time about anything and everything. We can easily have a 2 hr conversation and not really know where the time went.

I can ask him about serious personal stuff, we can talk politics and useless crap too. It’s one of the reasons I love him to bits for actually finding someone on my emotional wave length is pure gold for me and it only took 40 odd years

You're describing my ex, op. Really my ex was worse -
never in all the many many long years I was with him did
we have any kind of deep conversations. One of his responses
if I asked him what he thought of something I'd
just said was, 'you've said everything.'
I used to make up stuff he'd said if friends or family asked
what he'd said about so and so situation. I was too embarrassed to say
he hardly speaks at all - unless it was about his work.

Turns out that I didn't really know him, not really - he's heartless
and unable to really care for someone besides himself.
Biggest waste of my life.

Is it the same when you're on holiday, OP? Dh and I struggle at the moment but I think it's because he is stressed at work and I am struggling with two small children and mild pnd. However, I think it's circumstantial as we always used to have great chats. Everyone is just too tired and miserable right now! But when we're on holiday, it comes back... or even if we just manage to get a babysitter and go out for a meal together I can see glimpses of what it used to be like. It makes me hopeful that once we are through the exhausted parent of toddler and baby phase and dh's job situation improves, we'll be back!

It's the same no matter where we go. I'm fed up! It's like having the eternal silent treatment.

It's the same no matter where we go. I'm fed up! It's like having the eternal silent treatment.

All sorts of things. At the moment he's talking about his childhood cat and comparing its habits to the cats we have now. We quite often talk about history, music, films etc. I avoid politics because we are on opposite sides of the Brexit fence.

He complains a lot about his job, whereas I prefer to forget about mine when I'm not at work. We've recently been talking a lot about our forthcoming holiday, plans etc.

In the time I have been writing this he's moved on from 50-year-old cat anecdotes and started talking about Ian Hislop.

It’s soul destroying and erodes your self esteem, self confidence and joie de vive. Do you want this relentless boredom for the next 50 years?

DH is a very quiet person, but when we do have a conversation they are always long, today we had a conversation about which countries which we are going to travel to in the summer holiday, it went on for over two hours as DH had to get a pen and paper out.

But in general we talk about everything, I’m usually the one who starts the conversation off, he is a very good listener.

I'm giggling at Ian Hislop! Most riveting thing I've heard all day

I don't know how to go forwards from here.

music sounds like the link.
Could you sit him down with your instruments and paper and the children on percussion and all write some songs together? You could have fun! Watch some Prince or Michael Jackson or Genesis on YouTube to get in the mood

My self and my partner are the same , we have a large family been together for ever , but we rarely talk unless like recently we both had new job offers or somethings up with the kids , prime example was the other day we went grocery shopping 30 minute drive in that drive he discussed cloud formation and rain , he then mentioned his new job and then silence I asked about his mates party and he just said I haven't a clue back to silence , I am a massive talker possibly to the point at time so over talk so I find silence suffocating.

DH is a very quiet person. He is happy with his own company. He won't talk with people he doesn't know, he isn't very good at conversation with them, but with me and dd he's completely at ease.
I walked through the door 20 mins ago, and already we have discussed a random customer that I had at work today, what him and dd have done all day, his panic attack yesterday, and what he's making for tea.

Generally we chat about music, holidays, the news, tv shows, work, dd, absolutely anything else.
I love lying in bed and chatting to him, he tells me stories about his really odd childhood.