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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Eeee! I'm excited but have I messed it up

80 replies

Solotraveller2018 · 02/06/2018 00:10

So I've been working on a project with two colleagues and I've developed a slight crush on one of them because he has been so lovely to me and to work with. It was quite a stressful project and he really made me feel at ease and welcome.

Anyway he's not normally my type and I'm not sure physically how much I fancy him but at the same time I do love his personality and he makes me laugh and so I sort of do fancy him a bit now.

Our project came to an end last week and there's no reason for me to see him anymore as we are both moving on. But the last day of the project I got a feeling that maybe he liked me too, very huggy and touchy and all this week he has been messaging me. Yesterday he invited me for dinner with his friends and then to a concert and I agreed to go and he was very sweet and attentative and at the end he tried to kiss me. Except I think I was so startled I stopped it and blurted out 'won't this be awkward if we have to work together again' and I think I kind of killed the mood. I also didn't really want to kiss him in front of his friends.

basically the concert was at an end at that point anyway and i walked to the bus stop with him and it was all friendly but then we went our separate ways. I did message him to say I enjoyed myself and we should do it again and he just yes we shall which was very unlike the previous messages he'd been sending and I've not really heard from him.

I suppose I also feel quite nervous. It's been a long time since I kissed or dated anyone so I don't think I really handled it that well. And I'm not sure whether I want a long term thing or whether this would be a fling and what if it goes wrong.

OP posts:
ballstoit · 02/06/2018 00:21

You're messaging the wrong people op Wink

He clearly likes you, you like him, if I were you I'd be honest with him. Tell him what you just told us.

PolkaHots · 02/06/2018 01:00

Hmmm, it doesn’t sound to me like you messed it up. More that you were trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. You like him, but don’t especially fancy him. You’ve got a bit of a crush, but as soon as the reality of actually kissing him hit home you froze. Doesn’t sound like the guy for you.

Helloflamingogo · 02/06/2018 01:05

Hmm I disagree with pp - text him and tell him you’re sorry for freezing, maybe you could go on a date soon? Who cares about things being awkward Grin

SleepingStandingUp · 02/06/2018 01:08

Do you want to kiss him?

If so, message and say that you're sorry your panicked when he went to kiss you, it's been a while and you just got overwhelmed but you'd really like to try again

Solotraveller2018 · 02/06/2018 17:27

Yeh not sure about the round peg square hole. I mean fancying someone is more than just physical attraction right? And I definitely start to find people more attractive if I know them compared to just seeing them. It's why I struggle with online dating.

He's been messaging me a bit today so let's see!!!

OP posts:
Ceebs85 · 02/06/2018 17:34

How exciting. Definitely just be honest. Say you froze and make it clear you'd like to see him again just the two of you.

lovenotwar · 02/06/2018 17:40

How about this - I'm so sorry I panicked when we kissed the other night it's been a while since I've had a relationship.How about we give it another go next time 😉

AmazingPostVoices · 02/06/2018 17:42

Just call him up and invite him out to dinner woman!

Solotraveller2018 · 02/06/2018 18:11

So I messaged him to say let's hang out and go for a drink except he's going to a friend's birthday tonight. He's invited me along but I don't want to go so I've made my excuses and let's do it another time. I'd much prefer to meet up alone.

OP posts:
CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 02/06/2018 18:14

Sounds promising! Hopefully in a few weeks you'll look back fondly together at the false start not-kiss evening...

SuperSuperSuper · 02/06/2018 18:32

In think that you need to suggest something specific now, OP, for just the two of you.

Otherwise, you'll continue to be invited to parties etc with his mates, which you'll decline, and he'll give up.

I really think you need to text, "do you fancy going to [name of restaurant] on [insert a choice of evenings] - my treat. I'll book if so".

Sue840 · 02/06/2018 18:38

Ooh how exciting, good luck Wink

AnnabelC · 02/06/2018 19:24

Solo. Why don’t you want to go to his friends with him. Don’t overthink it just have fun. Be spontaneous. He is obviously popular and will get lots of invites, are you going to say no every time. You could go onto something alone later. Giving out the wrong signals. He knows you are free. It’s what I would do and relish it but we are all different just trying to give you a bit of encouragement if you are shy. May have got it completely wrong.

TatianaLarina · 02/06/2018 19:27

I’d go to the party if I were you, why not? You can always leave and go somewhere just the two of you.

HollowTalk · 02/06/2018 19:33

Go to the party! Treat it casually and have a good time with his friends.

TitZillas · 02/06/2018 20:46

Go to this party and have a good time. You will get plenty of time to chat alone too. It’s more exciting surrounded by lots of others, alone together if you like.

muffinthepuffin · 02/06/2018 20:49

I met my DH at a friend's wedding and it was excruciating having everyone watch to see if we were going to kiss! We had our first kiss walking home from the venue as we were in the same hotel Grin you could go and see how the chemistry is with a decent get-out clause that you don't want any PDAs in front of mates!

Solotraveller2018 · 02/06/2018 21:53

Arghhh I sort of wish I had gone but I think it's too late now. And I wasn't sure if he was just inviting me because I'd asked to meet up but he didn't really want me there and he was just being nice. I've made a resolution though - whatever he invites me to next, if he does invite me anywhere - I'm going to say yes!

OP posts:
Desmondo2016 · 02/06/2018 21:55

MESSAGE HIM NOW! How's the party. I so wish I'd said I could come. Fancy a late night drink?

Desmondo2016 · 02/06/2018 21:56

#suckerforalovestory

TatianaLarina · 02/06/2018 21:59

And I wasn't sure if he was just inviting me because I'd asked to meet up but he didn't really want me there and he was just being nice

Wtf?

Babyblues052 · 02/06/2018 22:00

He was probably just embarrassed when you stopped the kiss. But it does sound promising now!!

Solotraveller2018 · 02/06/2018 22:17

Oh gawwwd I really wish I could. But I just am too embarrassed. I know I know I know. Lesson learnt. Going to go with the flow next time if this ever happens again with someone I like.

We are going for drinks with my colleague on Thursday so if nothing happens before then I'll say something then.

OP posts:
paisleyblue · 02/06/2018 22:52

Good luck OP

Solotraveller2018 · 02/06/2018 23:06

the #suckerforalovestory has really made me smile.

I'm aware that I daydream a lot and probably too much. The more I think about how it's been with him the last few weeks the more I like him. oh deaaarr.

I came out of a long term relationship that was pretty much non existent for the last few years and this is the first time I've felt anything - certainly anything that's been reciprocated! argh why did I not act the other night!

on the other hand a friend of mine has said I should play it cool and see if he really is keen and let him do the running before going for it.

OP posts:
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