Eeee! I'm excited but have I messed it up

[Solotraveller2018]

So I've been working on a project with two colleagues and I've developed a slight crush on one of them because he has been so lovely to me and to work with. It was quite a stressful project and he really made me feel at ease and welcome.

Anyway he's not normally my type and I'm not sure physically how much I fancy him but at the same time I do love his personality and he makes me laugh and so I sort of do fancy him a bit now.

Our project came to an end last week and there's no reason for me to see him anymore as we are both moving on. But the last day of the project I got a feeling that maybe he liked me too, very huggy and touchy and all this week he has been messaging me. Yesterday he invited me for dinner with his friends and then to a concert and I agreed to go and he was very sweet and attentative and at the end he tried to kiss me. Except I think I was so startled I stopped it and blurted out 'won't this be awkward if we have to work together again' and I think I kind of killed the mood. I also didn't really want to kiss him in front of his friends.

basically the concert was at an end at that point anyway and i walked to the bus stop with him and it was all friendly but then we went our separate ways. I did message him to say I enjoyed myself and we should do it again and he just yes we shall which was very unlike the previous messages he'd been sending and I've not really heard from him.

I suppose I also feel quite nervous. It's been a long time since I kissed or dated anyone so I don't think I really handled it that well. And I'm not sure whether I want a long term thing or whether this would be a fling and what if it goes wrong.

I know I'll probably get a lot of advice saying ask him out again etc

Er no, you’ve shagged, he’s now dating someone else, I’d say that’s it.

Unfortunately a lot of men cool down very quickly after sex. Has he been in touch today?

So should I have not slept with him then?

Yes he did get in touch and has asked to meet up later in the week

There’s no shoulds or shouldn’ts. It is what it is.

But I’d be wary of ending up a booty call given he’s dated another girl and scheduled you in when it suits him.

Asking whether you should, or shouldn't, have slept with him is irrelevant, you are where you are today.

Fact is those first few texts and the "pulled back from kiss" followed by a text apologising may have come across as trying too hard. Essentially the power was well and truly his, and you played an open hand. Sometimes the "don't complain, don't explain" approach is best - you don't owe him an explanation. Own your action.

Sorry to say you've been overthinking things in between messaging and some of it has become over inflated in your imagination rather than being in the RW.

You need to be in the real world now because stuff has happened. What concerns me from your update is that he's told you he's going out and a woman is going with him. If he was really keen on you, at this early stage, I'd be expecting him to be focussing on you and him, to show you he's into you. As it stands, he's told you there is "another" woman in the frame.

The decision is whether pulling back (again) could give him the impression you're someone who blows hot and cold and it could become a complication too far for him.

I agree re: not becoming his booty call and don't for goodness sake get into the "pick me dance", trying to make him choose between you and anyone else on his horizon.

Try to make actual phone conversation your main form of communication - texting so much this early in a relationship is not good - there is no investment of time and effort, it becomes "cat and mouse" who will text whom next, misunderstandings can happen.