Camping holiday issues

[campingconundrum]

NC for this as don't want it connected to other posts. Sorry if it's long.

Boyfriend has a 5 berth motor home and we go away a few times a year. We are due to go away again and am dreading it for a few reasons.

I have a 2 and a half year old who breastfeeds to sleep and due to not being used to being away from home very often, doesn't settle well away from his usual environment. I've been single since before he was born and he's only ever had me, never stayed away from home etc.

When we go away my bf insists that my ds sleeps in the double bed above the cab. It has a net along the side to stop him falling out but he bangs his head on the roof if he wakes in the night and sits up. Of course it's pitch black at night so he wakes up upset and confused as to where he is.

There is a ladder up to the cab bed but this has to be removed to make up the adult double bed so getting him into bed once asleep is very difficult as I have to stretch high and half throw him into the cab bed. Bf isn't much taller so isn't much easier for him. I hate him sleeping up there and want him to sleep in the single bed which is right next to the double one we sleep in. There's less than a foot between the two so if he wakes in the night I can quickly settle him without either of us needing to stand in our bed to reach him down.

Ds tends to wake in the night when away but doesn't at home. I've come to the conclusion that this is due to bf's horrendous snoring. He's awaiting a specialist appointment for probable sleep apnoea.

I don't sleep well due to chronic pain so being in a confined space with no escape from the snoring severely disrupts my sleep leaving me tired and irritable with my bf the next day especially as he drinks in the evening despite knowing this makes his snoring much worse (he's got a snoring app that records how bad it is). He doesn't see why he should go without a drink on holiday despite the fact he's disturbing me and my ds and gets in a strop if I say anything.

He gets cross that ds takes so long to settle when away and cross that he wakes in the night. He denies he's annoyed though He doesn't want him next to us in the single bed as it puts him off sex. I did ask what he used to do when his own kids (won't be with us on this holiday) were sleeping in the same room as he and his wife and he just said, " Go to sleep." Ok then. Maybe it's more weird for him as my ds isn't his child which is understandable.

Other than the night time issues I love going away with him and we all very much enjoy the adventure of the motorhome and have had some great times. I'm just not sure I can face it again with the snoring and the moods over sleeping arrangements and drinking and snoring. Oh and he gets really stressed if ds touches things in the motorhome like blinds etc because they are 'delicate' and the motorhome cost him a small fortune so he's very precious about it which I understand but ffs the kid is 2 and is bound to touch things.

I'm not sure there's really a solution except to not go on holiday unless it's a hotel with separate rooms but money is tight for me so is my only option. Think I just needed to rant

What great times exactly have you had in this motorhome?.

Your bf sounds awful frankly; he is putting his needs and wants here well above your son's and your own. Your son ends up sleeping above the cab and that is really no place at all for a child of his age to be sleeping in. Why can't he sleep in the single bunk anyway which is far lower down?.

Your partner also sounds too bloody precious about the contents of his motorhome as well and should realise that a 2 year old is going to touch things even if closely supervised.

Why have you put up with this from him to date, why is your relationship bar so very low here at all. I presume he is the same day to day at home as well.

Ranting is all very well but it does not make the underlying issues go away.

We don't live together but yes he can be a bit erm, opinionated when at mine. We rarely go to his as do things my way as live in a nicer part of the country for outdoor stuff which is what we love.
We've visited some beautiful places and had good fun. But when it comes to bedtime the stress starts.

Why don't you join ds over the cab when you go to bed?

Your BF sounds an arse
A nasty selfish arse
So he wants to drink and he wants a shag but your DS is a nuisance and in the way and sod you if you can’t sleep due to his snoring.

What a catch
Am quite sure you can do better than this for you and your DS

You have pain and d's is only two
So either you go and d's sleeps in the single bed next to you...or don't go.
You are mad to put this bf moans above your and d's needs.

Trilby there's about 1.5ft head clearance, I'm claustrophobic and due to my health issues am up and down to the loo a lot as the opiates I take for the pain irritate my bladder and the ladder can't be in place once the double bed is made (which I lie on with ds to feed him as it's the most comfy).

I am glad to read that you do not live with him, do not ever move in together!. He is also coming across as a crap example of a stepfather figure to your son.

I am wondering if he is a cocklodger and targeted you simply because you are a single mother and thus to him so desperate for a relationship that you would put up with any old crap from him.

You could visit beautiful places without this man y'know. And you would both get some better quality sleep.

That just doesn’t sound enjoyable. I wouldn’t hire somewhere so awkward for a holiday and can’t see the point of going somewhere ‘free’ that’s not enjoyable just because it’s free. I’d either insist on hiring a holiday cottage with separate bedrooms if bf is weird about sleeping in a shared space, or insist your ds sleeps in the single and just do what everyone else does when they get stock sharing a room on holiday and either go a few days without sex or do it elsewhere (probably not that easy in a caravan, I know!). There’s no point being exhausted and stressed just for the sake of using the caravan.

I would insist on two things:- ds in the single next to me. And no sex.

Man sounds like a right entitled arsehole.

"NC for this as don't want it connected to other posts"

That is also very telling. What else have you written (presumably about him) and why a name change too?. Is that really necessary here?. These are genuine questions.

Just state that DS sleeps next to you or you won't be going.

He sounds an absolute tosser. Why are you with him?

How about joining the YHA? I had some great ( and cheap) holidays with my (single) mum in some very beautiful parts of the country. It was also a very sociable way to holiday with plenty of adult and child company (you might even pull! 😉)

It's not a free holiday! He pays for fuel and site fees and I pay for food and entry to attractions, ice creams, coffees etc. I feel guilty that I can't afford to pay half but he says not to worry about it, he'll take care of it. Although he usually manages to slip in how much it all costs which makes me feel bad. But then he's here two weekends a month and sometimes in the week too happily eating my food and all the extras I get in because he's here so I feel like I contribute a fair amount despite not working at the moment.

OP is being with him and all his faults honestly better than being single? It doesnt really sound like it.

He sounds like a right twat. Why don't you dump him and not keep putting your child through his arbitrary rules? I doubt that camping is the only place he turns into a big Bossy Boots. Just think you'll never have to go camping again.

I think a bed and breakfast nearby the luton box van with a bed and blinds is your solution.

He sounds a right arsy bastard, what are you doing with him?!

And no, I wouldn't shove my kid in a scary bed where he bumps his head to satisfy some wanker of a bloke.

He sounds awful. Selfish and disrespectful towards you and your Ds.

I wouldn't go.
I wouldn't stay with him either.

Its not a holiday then is it. And your son bumping his head and being disorientated which in child language is just plain scared. Um holiday? Get a tent and sleep with your baby in the tent. Ive done it with mine its snug and lovely although bit of a loo prob then as u cant leave your little one while you pop into the motorhome (and slam the door everytime you leave to provide partner with a taste of diaturbrd sleep). The snoring is less of a problem than his lack of concern for your little guy and im not into pandering to kids but to your son its as bad as saying okay get into the cupboard to sleep which is dar scary and out of reach of u. And as for sex...um well you can have sex during the day surely when ur son takes a nap or how abt not at all. Surely you cant possibly enjoy it with someone who upsets ur son for his own selfish needs. Or does he not care about that either. Your child is a baby not a teenager. Take his part.

What are you doing here, op?

Why are you happy to upset your ds for the sake of this selfish and unpleasant man?

Thanks everyone. I thought it was me being unreasonable. Didn't post on AIBU as they are so harsh over there!
To clarify my ds only slept in the cab bed for one short holiday as after that I said he had to sleep in the single bed next to me. Bf did not like this as "the cab bed is supposed to be for children" I don't care. He doesn't like sleeping up there and it's a pain for all of us.

To put into context the snoring: it's so bad other campers have been kept awake by him. I can't share a bed with him at home despite ear plugs. I've shared a bed with many a snorer in my years and am a nurse who used to work nights so have heard lots of heavy snorers. Nothing, absolutely nothing, compares to the volume of my bf and its all fucking night from the moment his head touches the pillow to the moment he wakes up.

What exactly are you getting from this relationship, op?

Crikey. So you are paying money to go away somewhere that is awful for your poor little boy, with a man who won’t not drink, who keeps you both awake with snoring and you then shag him 😳 are you serious? He’s getting a good deal out of you then but your poor kid isn’t. What a shit life for him. Maybe leave him with somebody like grandparents who put him first while you go away to be this arseholes bit of fanny - because let’s face it, he’s not exactly treating you like a Queen. Your kid is seeing that. You might want to get some counselling to help figure out why you’d let some drunken saddo rule over you and your poor son