Camping holiday issues

[campingconundrum]

NC for this as don't want it connected to other posts. Sorry if it's long.

Boyfriend has a 5 berth motor home and we go away a few times a year. We are due to go away again and am dreading it for a few reasons.

I have a 2 and a half year old who breastfeeds to sleep and due to not being used to being away from home very often, doesn't settle well away from his usual environment. I've been single since before he was born and he's only ever had me, never stayed away from home etc.

When we go away my bf insists that my ds sleeps in the double bed above the cab. It has a net along the side to stop him falling out but he bangs his head on the roof if he wakes in the night and sits up. Of course it's pitch black at night so he wakes up upset and confused as to where he is.

There is a ladder up to the cab bed but this has to be removed to make up the adult double bed so getting him into bed once asleep is very difficult as I have to stretch high and half throw him into the cab bed. Bf isn't much taller so isn't much easier for him. I hate him sleeping up there and want him to sleep in the single bed which is right next to the double one we sleep in. There's less than a foot between the two so if he wakes in the night I can quickly settle him without either of us needing to stand in our bed to reach him down.

Ds tends to wake in the night when away but doesn't at home. I've come to the conclusion that this is due to bf's horrendous snoring. He's awaiting a specialist appointment for probable sleep apnoea.

I don't sleep well due to chronic pain so being in a confined space with no escape from the snoring severely disrupts my sleep leaving me tired and irritable with my bf the next day especially as he drinks in the evening despite knowing this makes his snoring much worse (he's got a snoring app that records how bad it is). He doesn't see why he should go without a drink on holiday despite the fact he's disturbing me and my ds and gets in a strop if I say anything.

He gets cross that ds takes so long to settle when away and cross that he wakes in the night. He denies he's annoyed though He doesn't want him next to us in the single bed as it puts him off sex. I did ask what he used to do when his own kids (won't be with us on this holiday) were sleeping in the same room as he and his wife and he just said, " Go to sleep." Ok then. Maybe it's more weird for him as my ds isn't his child which is understandable.

Other than the night time issues I love going away with him and we all very much enjoy the adventure of the motorhome and have had some great times. I'm just not sure I can face it again with the snoring and the moods over sleeping arrangements and drinking and snoring. Oh and he gets really stressed if ds touches things in the motorhome like blinds etc because they are 'delicate' and the motorhome cost him a small fortune so he's very precious about it which I understand but ffs the kid is 2 and is bound to touch things.

I'm not sure there's really a solution except to not go on holiday unless it's a hotel with separate rooms but money is tight for me so is my only option. Think I just needed to rant

I have often wondered about the cost of food to go on these trips (and in general) but he argues I should shop at Aldi rather than Tesco. If also sold the veggie stuff that my family eat I'd happily shop there but they don't. And as I don't drive I rely on either home delivery or my mum to do her shop when I do mine so have use of the car. He does frequently pay for stuff though and has treated me most times we eat out when not on holiday.

To be fair the trip down south cost £140 in fuel and the site was another £100. Pretty sure I didn't spend that much on food etc but then he works full time and I'm a SAHM at the moment. He says I get the sane amount as him though with maintenance and benefits. Not convinced and his mortgage is half my rent

The more you say, the more awful he sounds

Well after some considered thought I've told him this isn't working for me so that's the end of that relationship.

I think you're wise.

Well done, you’ll be much better without thus arse dragging you down

Well done OP. Onwards and upwards!

Excellent decision OP, you and your children will be so much better off without him.

Thanks. I've loved being able to go away at relatively short notice in the motorhome and loved our adventures but he was just unbearable. I had actually started feeling relieved when he drove off after a weekend at mine. Bed to myself, no snoring (which meant me sleeping on the sofa as could never wake him to get him to go downstairs), no criticising my food shopping habits but happily eating my food anyway. I'm so pissed off but more so for the kids who thought he was great because we could get out and about and go places we can't get to on public transport. He was pretty good with my older ones too although they didn't like his kids very much. Ah well.

How did he take it then OP? Did you tell him just now?

I was just going to say I can't believe a woman, a mother would put her child above an abusive, controller, but you have said you have. Thank Goodness. Run and then Run some more, my nephew committed suicide at the age of 14 because he had a stepdad who made his life a misery, belittling him, physical and psychological violence, his Mum did nothing because she thought she was financially better off. She is now grieving her son. She wishes she hadn't let a bloke who hated her son into her life. Too late her innocent son is dead.

She was taken in by him at the beginning, he paid for stuff, he said he wanted to be a step parent, he even went as far as to insist my nephew had his name changed. What we didn't know was that when his Mum was at work, after she let him into her home, he was making my nephew sleep on the floor, eat away from his biological child, eat in the garden and lock him out of the house, he was forced to eat of the garden floor, we only found this out when we read his suicide note that he left. Please protect your son now.

And I hope if someone else reads this and is worried that their new partner is not ok with their existing child/children they will run. No amount of money/holiday/sex is worth your child's life x

no sex as ds is next to me or Bf is in the cab bed, Cue sulking..

Ugh, @campingconundrum , honestly, what are you getting from this relationship? It really, really does not sound good, at all

Sounds like the right move op, well done. For what it's worth i think you've been berated a little too much here by some. It's all too easy to excuse away the bad behaviour of a partner when it builds up gradually, plenty never see it for what is and escape. Ultimately made the right call for your kids so it sounds like you are a good mum.

Oh, and your kids being able to enjoy him taking them suffer places is a lovely bonus, but not a reason to remain in a relationship. There will be someone better our there (if you want a relationship that is).

Well done OP, enjoy your Wales trip.

Snow thanks! I think a few posters have been a bit OTT. My now ex was really good with all the children and they really liked him but didn't cope well with anything and was so precious about that bloody motorhome. However, he wasn't the man for me and feel much better now I'm not with him.