Camping holiday issues

[campingconundrum]

NC for this as don't want it connected to other posts. Sorry if it's long.

Boyfriend has a 5 berth motor home and we go away a few times a year. We are due to go away again and am dreading it for a few reasons.

I have a 2 and a half year old who breastfeeds to sleep and due to not being used to being away from home very often, doesn't settle well away from his usual environment. I've been single since before he was born and he's only ever had me, never stayed away from home etc.

When we go away my bf insists that my ds sleeps in the double bed above the cab. It has a net along the side to stop him falling out but he bangs his head on the roof if he wakes in the night and sits up. Of course it's pitch black at night so he wakes up upset and confused as to where he is.

There is a ladder up to the cab bed but this has to be removed to make up the adult double bed so getting him into bed once asleep is very difficult as I have to stretch high and half throw him into the cab bed. Bf isn't much taller so isn't much easier for him. I hate him sleeping up there and want him to sleep in the single bed which is right next to the double one we sleep in. There's less than a foot between the two so if he wakes in the night I can quickly settle him without either of us needing to stand in our bed to reach him down.

Ds tends to wake in the night when away but doesn't at home. I've come to the conclusion that this is due to bf's horrendous snoring. He's awaiting a specialist appointment for probable sleep apnoea.

I don't sleep well due to chronic pain so being in a confined space with no escape from the snoring severely disrupts my sleep leaving me tired and irritable with my bf the next day especially as he drinks in the evening despite knowing this makes his snoring much worse (he's got a snoring app that records how bad it is). He doesn't see why he should go without a drink on holiday despite the fact he's disturbing me and my ds and gets in a strop if I say anything.

He gets cross that ds takes so long to settle when away and cross that he wakes in the night. He denies he's annoyed though He doesn't want him next to us in the single bed as it puts him off sex. I did ask what he used to do when his own kids (won't be with us on this holiday) were sleeping in the same room as he and his wife and he just said, " Go to sleep." Ok then. Maybe it's more weird for him as my ds isn't his child which is understandable.

Other than the night time issues I love going away with him and we all very much enjoy the adventure of the motorhome and have had some great times. I'm just not sure I can face it again with the snoring and the moods over sleeping arrangements and drinking and snoring. Oh and he gets really stressed if ds touches things in the motorhome like blinds etc because they are 'delicate' and the motorhome cost him a small fortune so he's very precious about it which I understand but ffs the kid is 2 and is bound to touch things.

I'm not sure there's really a solution except to not go on holiday unless it's a hotel with separate rooms but money is tight for me so is my only option. Think I just needed to rant

My ds does come first. My bf doesn't and I do wonder if he is jealous of my very close relationship with ds. His relationship with his kids is very strained. Their behaviour is very volatile most of the time and I find it hard to deal with. Their own mum has questioned his parenting as they are badly behaved at her house too. He thinks I am too soft with ds and that he shouldn't be so dependent on me. He's 2 and doesn't have anyone else bar his siblings so of course he's completely a "mummy's boy" as he can't be anyone else's!

He's 2!

He’s jealous of your 2 year old? Jeez. Run

I would state he is jealous of your relationship with your son. Such abusive men only want to be top dog in their chosen target's life.

If you do mean what you wrote you will put his interests as well as yours first and foremost by dumping your so called boyfriend. He is anything but.

I'm not sure there's really a solution except to not go on holiday unless it's a hotel with separate rooms

There is a solution. You finish with your boyfriend

I would NEVER allow a boyfriend to insist on where my children sleep.
Woman up

You’re his mother op
If you’re not in his corner, who the heck is?

I've clearly said my ds comes first. I susie t my bf doesn't like that.
I'm having a good think about the relationship in general now.

Yes you’ve said that

Your actions suggest otherwise

Highhorse I clearly said that ds no longer sleeps in the cab bed because he hated it so much as did I on the first trip we did.

He puts his needs before you and you ds. It’s a grand time for him after some booze, readily available sex and a good sleep. Your son is a pest to him and you can come along as long as you do things his way. What kind of holiday is that for you? You and ds could have so much more fun without him. Book a Haven caravan break for you and ds ... he’d love it plus it doesn’t cost much ( and no snoring ). Let this selfish guy enjoy his camper alone.

Your bf is only okay (ish) at the moment because your DS is little. What's going to happen in a couple of years time? Is he going to start calling him a 'sissy' if he cries when he falls over? How is he with your other kids? Or does he not really see enough of them to have an impact?

I think he's a deeply angry man, who's rather selfish. He might not be an evil bastard, but I don't think he's the man for you.

In that case, he’s a keeper!

He pays for fuel and site fees and I pay for food and entry to attractions, ice creams, coffees etc.

When we had a camper van, the fuel and site fees would have been dwarfed by the food/attractions/ice creams etc. He is taking you for a fool love.

You are in a bad relationship. What do you get from this exactly?

I wouldn't be going anywhere with him. For a start he is prioritising his want for sex over the needs of your son, and the snoring just sounds rediculous and drink always makes a snorer worse.

I’m very sorry to say this but women like you really annoy me. You are more interested in keeping some piece of worthless bloke (who already screwed up a marriage and a couple of kids) than putting your vulnerable babyfirst. He is 2. He should be your world. 1st and foremost. If any random bloke dared telling me I was too soft on my baby...I’d drop kick him into next year. You really need help to work out why are you letting some nobody interfere with your family.

Your boyfriend is being a self centred arse.

The only part I agree with him about is where he mentions fixtures and fittings being delicate, and possibly kids to be up in the cab bed (that's where we put ours to sleep, with the safety net). Replacement parts are scarily expensive and depending on the age of the vehicle and model, hard to find. Our kids accidentally released the cabin bed, which fell into place by the windscreen, pushed the sat nav into the screen and cracked it. The cost of replacing the screen was £3500 and it took a month to find a company that could find the required screen. They have also damaged the blinds and flyscreen which we cannot currently find a suitable replacement for. None of this is your 2yr olds fault though, it's just an in appropriate environment for him given your boyfriends preciousness over his motorhome. Haven & static caravans or a good tent set up would be better.

Dumping the boyfriend would be better.

Wibbly my sentiments exactly. God knows why he bought a £25,000 motorhome when he has kids that literally bounce off the walls of it and clamber over everything inside. He was constantly yelling at them last year which is why I said never again.

I've just booked a micro holiday to North Wales with all 3 of my children. Without the bf. Beginning of the end I think.

He’s taking you for a mug.

Me and DH share finances but have separate credit cards.

We did a similar road trip holiday. I paid fuel and site fees on my card, he put treats, food and stuff on his.

Guess who spent 3x more.

Oh. Xpost

Good move OP

So in summary your boyfriend expects you and your DS to be tired, stressed and separated so that he can have alcohol, sleep and sex?

He doesn't sound especially great tbh!

Well when you put it like that

Well done OP... you’ll have fun with your dc s as well as proper sleep and nobody to boss you about or whinge at you

Egg yes we will. Love my trips away with the dc and certainly don't need a man to have fun.