What age for your Sex Life to be over?

[IsThisItForMe]

What age would you think was reasonable, for your sex life to be almost over?

Mine and DH's has been dwindling, and tbh, I feel like the only reason it's limping along, is because I bring the subject up.

I'd like sex at least twice a week. We've actually had sex 4 times this year. It's driving me mad. I'm not proud of it, but I was really horrible to him last night. We haven't had sex in 4 weeks, and I am so frustrated I could punch the wall.

Not sure if I'm being unrealistic though, as I'm no spring chicken.

I am 48. He is 45. Would anyone find this a reasonable age for one's sex life to be over?

Feeling very guilty today, about my outburst. In my defense, he has promised repeatedly to make an appointment with the GP about testosterone injections, but to date has not done this. Meanwhile my sex drive is through the roof. We do still have great kisses, which he can walk away from, whereas I find this frustrating.

Am I asking for too much, at 48?

Thanks.

Er, never? Possibly late 70's onwards if you are not physically up for it, but 40's no fucking way (pun intended!). A friend of mine got married this weekend - she is 46, he's 50 - they are just starting out and hoping for a long and happy/healthy sex life together. My brother is a couple of years younger than your DH and hoping to find someone to spend his life with and have a family. It's only the beginning for some, definitely the middle for most but certainly not the end!!

Unless you are asexual or whatever then how on earth could 40's be an acceptable time for it to be 'over'!? I've been with my partner for 17 years, we probably have gone from 5 times a week to once or twice a week (tricky with teens in the house), but even so I'd hope we'd carry on like that for another 20 years at least. Definitely have a big conversation and a trip to the GP....

No, I don’t think you are asking too much.
But these threads come up here often. And there isn’t a good answer.

Mismatched libido is a problem with no solution. Except for an open marriage? But it’s not for everyone.

I wouldn't expect mine to be over until incapacitated or dead. I can see why you feel frustrated.

I’ve had less than no sex drive since peri menopause. I still make time for my husband but it’s for him and the intimacy rather than a physical need.

"Mismatched libido is a problem with no solution.'

That's a sweeping statement. Wildly different sex drives where either or both parties aren't willing to talk about it may be a difficult issue to resolve. But I'd think most couples with some difference in their sex drives can sort the issues out.

You cannot fix the difference by:

Ignoring it.
Not acknowledging it.
Not communicating about it.
Not coming to an agreeable compromise.
Pressuring the one with the lower sex drive into giving in.

Like many things it takes a lot of work but that's life. Oh and no way would I be giving up on sex in my 40's. I'm as horny now as I was in my teenage years.

Good luck OP, hope you sort it as that feeling of being rejected isn't nice at all.

Crikey I'm nearly 50 and still love sex and hope to continue with it into my 70's (if I live that long)
He's 45!!!
Has he been to the GP about it?

@TheWorldAsh

Unfortunately - often when it’s this mismatched - one party is OK with a new times a year - and another wants a few times a week, there aren’t many solutions.
Either one has to give smth up, or another needs to do things for their partner that they’d rather not be doing.
And often there are resentments. And - especially men - aren’t so eager to communicate and/or go a doctor. Maybe because of societal pressures, etc - it’s not an easy conversations for them.

I am in my early 50s and last had sex when I was 34. Not really my choice, just circumstances and not normal or healthy tbh.

A friend of mine got married this weekend - she is 46, he's 50 - they are just starting out and hoping for a long and happy/healthy sex life together

Did you write this in their card?

"Best wishes for a long and happy sex life together!"

We are both 57 - and everything is still happening 🙈🙉🙊 !

I’m not giving it up as long as I can do it. DP is 10 years younger than me and I don’t expect him to give up sex if I can’t for some reason.

I'm 48, DP is 51. Have sex all the time; hoping to forever. Or nearly forever.

@Josuk there's a big difference between once or twice a month and twice a week than there is between a few times a year and twice a week. The later is a big gulf for anyone to fix.

The former? Fixable*. I agree men aren't the best at talking about such issue. It sometimes women aren't. Sex is a very emotive issue for anyone with problems.

• Been there, got the T-shirt, still in a happy marriage where we both have enjoyable sex. Not perfect, but nothing in life ever is.

My libido increased hugely in the years before I went into menopause so I understand the mismatch. Your H needs to go off to docs and sort this out. I'm sure he'll be pleased he did also!

Now late 50's and I have little or no libido so I say important to enjoy what you could have now!

Bold fail.

Everything still happening for us too. I’m 67 and hubby nearly 69 🙂

DH is 60 and if he wasn't ill, we would do it much more frequently than we do. He's been too sore to do anything after having his lung removed but is now starting to feel more confident about letting go, and it has happened twice in the last week.

We have gone through periods of not having sex because of medication, depression or opposing schedules, but we've been together 19 years. We are comfortable enough with each other to discuss it and make allowances (usually him having to make allowances for my lack of libido because of my meds to be fair).

I wish mine was over - I'm 60 but DH still keen.

Actually I probably wished mine was over at 30 .

Ragwort, ... that must be sad/difficult for your DH and you ... 30 years like that!

I agree that mismatched sex drives are difficult to deal with and actually don't agree entirely that talking about it is going to make a lot of difference except to make it very clear how upset you are about it. I am at a loss as to work out how this is a good outcome . Except to give 'fair warning' that you want something different . What will the consequence of that discussion be ?
A) He does it more to please you (same rules here for women as men. No one should feel coerced into sex out of guilt.)
B) He doesn't change. (Miserable for you)

Sexual desire is just that, desire. It can't be switched off and on in women. In men it is a combination of desire and mechanics. Does he lose his erection or find it hard to get an erection. ? Is there some performance anxiety whereby he thinks he won't get an erection so keeps that door firmly closed for fear of failure ?. How long has his libido been so lacking ?.
If you know for sure that there is no loss of attraction to you (it doesn't sound like it as he like to kiss and that is usually the first to go ) , that you haven't changed your body shape dramatically from what he found attractive. Put on or lost 3stone or more ? . Taking meds that effect libido ? All that sort of thing.

The conversation he has to have is with his doctor.

I'll stop shagging him when one of us is dead

Mismatched libido is the problem here. Don't let him convince you that you're too old for sex. Couples have sex well into their seventies and beyond. 45 is very young to throw in the towel. This needs to be addressed.

My nanas still at it and she is 82 her partners 85.

Wow. I'd no idea people had sex as much as this....

Plenty going on here in our 50's