What age for your Sex Life to be over?

[IsThisItForMe]

What age would you think was reasonable, for your sex life to be almost over?

Mine and DH's has been dwindling, and tbh, I feel like the only reason it's limping along, is because I bring the subject up.

I'd like sex at least twice a week. We've actually had sex 4 times this year. It's driving me mad. I'm not proud of it, but I was really horrible to him last night. We haven't had sex in 4 weeks, and I am so frustrated I could punch the wall.

Not sure if I'm being unrealistic though, as I'm no spring chicken.

I am 48. He is 45. Would anyone find this a reasonable age for one's sex life to be over?

Feeling very guilty today, about my outburst. In my defense, he has promised repeatedly to make an appointment with the GP about testosterone injections, but to date has not done this. Meanwhile my sex drive is through the roof. We do still have great kisses, which he can walk away from, whereas I find this frustrating.

Am I asking for too much, at 48?

Thanks.

My libido disappeared in my very early fifties thanks to the combination of eighteen years of peri menopause and an underactive thyroid. I have no interest whatsoever, no desire and no sensation. I've been using oestrogen pessaries for two years, but sex is still very uncomfortable and I am past doing it for somebody else.

Am I jealous of those who have been able to keep it going? No.

You must have some interesting conversations with your nana heedmove 😆

That is really young still op

We are once a week - not great really but it is ok. Never really took off - together nine years

I'm 39 and DH is 42, dwindled to a complete stop in December last year, not my decision at all. Currently weighing up my options.

Ours ground to a halt when DH hit 50, I was 43.... It was quite a shock, tbh, as he'd always been the instigator in our sex life and at times had driven me round the bend......... we had a very frank chat where I said how sad it made me, and we read up about it online together. First thing we did was to try some high strength male targetted multivitamins and it's improved things. It's not perfect, but at least we're talking about it.

metalmum a couple of years ago I went round and she had quite a few candles in her bedroom that had been burnt. I said why are they there as id never ever seen them before and she said to get me and x in the mood for some passion. I burst out laughing and she said we are old but wer not passed it. She does still have candles out from time to time and I dont ask if thats the same reason why but I presume it is 😂

48? 48? ..oh no ,you are by no means finished yet ! There is clearly a mismatch or other issues going on here.

There's no reason that age should be the decider! My dh is 42 and would be dismayed to read this.

It's one of those things that you need to be able to talk about together and find a way through - be that counselling, mutual support, GP etc. What's not OK is not talking about it.

I’m 42, DH 51. No sex or any kind of intimacy for six years now. Not my choice.

I lost libido when the menopause hit. It seemed to naturally coincide with my husbands decline in interest so I suppose we have been “lucky”. 🤔
I wouldn’t say we have no sex life. We do lots of hugging. Sometimes it works, sometimes we can’t be bothered to take it to its conclusion. Doesn’t seem a big issue for either of us.

Christ. When someone says "oh yeah I don't want sex. We haven't had it in years, never discussed it but I assume Dw/DH is Happy"

I mean lol

Ours died when kids arrived, so 9 years ago, she's 39, I'm 41 so that would've been early 30s for us. Struggled on for a couple of years, but I've accepted its pretty much over.

Agree with PP about not talking about it, there's only so much "why chasing" you can do, and once the communication is gone, it's gone.

We parent well though so I'm sticking around for a few more years yet.

45 is young - very young. But I bet this is nothing to do with his age. Hasn't he always been less interested in sex than you? If so, I'm afraid it's a sexual mismatch and sadly I have to agree that it's a very difficult thing to fix.

Someone up thread said talking about it is not necessarily a good thing and I agree. At some point of course you need to voice your unhappiness, but I don't think doing it repeatedly is helpful because then you make it more of an issue. Also, undeniably this puts pressure on him and I guess that's also unfair - although I would argue it is equally unfair to decide for someone else that their sex life is over. In any case, I don't think you can make somebody desire you - and who wants to have sex with someone who doesn't want you?

I'm speaking from experience, sadly. Like you, my sex drive has gone crazy in my 40s but my husband's is just not there any longer. I am very attractive so the issue is not that (I don't want to sound like an idiot, this is just for context), yet not being wanted has made me feel repulsive. I have often wondered - do I smell? Do I look or sound odd when I'm having sex? Is it my body/face/hair?

Being the only one initiating sex and being constantly turned down is absolutely soul-destroying. It kills not just the physical side of the relationship but also the intimacy and closeness, which is slowly eroded every time you are pushed away after a kiss.

It's shit, isn't it.

That is very young keepthehidden . When I said no conversation to be had - I meant that there was no point in trying to persuade as it can only be coercive. If someone wants to do it, they will. I DO think it is a good idea to have 'that' conversation though. I am not sure how you say ' I can't live in a marriage with no sex - and I will leave when the children are older.' Without it sounding like 'if you don't sleep with me I'm leaving you' but somehow I think it would be a good idea to offer 'fair warning' just in case your wife wakes up to the fact that her marriage is in real trouble and decides she will try and do something rather than lose you.

I say this as someone in your wife's position 15 yrs ago. Young kids (but not THAT young, no up in the night/breastfeeding etc) Just 'tired' , working all the time, 3 kids and out of the habit. Bed/sleep was a haven. Didn't want to do it. He waited patiently for five years and would never force the issue. Then left. Did everything 'right'. Met his now DW six months later. I regret my behaviour ended an otherwise good marriage. I have subsequently met my new DH and had a fantastic sex life at the beginning but as my libido has slipped (not naturally high) I 'make' myself not reject advances (he is not over-demanding by any means) and try really hard to instigate sex even when I don't 'feel' like it - because I have had first hand experience of how corrosive a lack of sex in a marriage is. The bizarre thing is, once I've kinda 'bump' started it without desire, I have always really enjoyed it. The act itself is wonderful and pleasurable. Just some kind of weird alter-ego 'don't want to do it' thing going on in my head.

I’m 64 and my DH is 71 and we were still “regulars” until very recently. I miss it now.

My ex partner had a low sex drive to begin with and it was fine for the first few years but she admitted she was never really "into" sex with previous partners either (she was ten years older than I was). Last four years of the relationship - we were together ten years from when I was 26 - were sexless. In the end I left as I found it utterly soul destroying lying next to someone for years who didn't want to be intimate. I was 36 and decided that I wanted a relationship that involved intimacy.

Aside from a short fling a year later, I've not had sex in seven years. I am now 44. So my answer appears to be 37 (or 33 with a minor blip of enjoyment at 37).

Yes too young for your sex life to be over - definitely.

I am getting divorced and one of the reasons was the complete lack of intimacy - of any kind. I mean never being touched at all. The sex stopped two years ago, was always initiated by me, and was very infrequent. I was completely unable to talk to H about it - about that and many other things.

So now, even if I never meet someone new, at least I won’t be in a marriage where I was desperate for touch and affection, and there was none. It was constantly painful.

I really really can’t get enough sex when I ovulate, and can take it or leave it for much of the month. I think menopause will seriously curtail our frolics. We are both incredibly busy. I love the arse off him and hope our sex life and love continues on and on, but it really isn’t the be all and end all it once was.

Thanks for all the responses. Sorry, I couldn't come back to the thread last night, but I've read them all this morning. Seems like a mixed bag really.

Great to hear that some people are still having great sex into their 70's. Also, I feel very sad for those who have found their sex lives over in 30's and 40's.

Aside from a short fling a year later, I've not had sex in seven years You see, I don't think I could actually do this. It would make me feel ill.

My DH says all of the right things, but often things just don't come to fruition, iyswim.

When we do have sex, it's great. Occasional performance issues, but not often.

DTD this morning before work, and I feel like a new woman. But as the weeks go on, I will feel the irritability set in. I usually start to feel horrendous at week 3. Moody, resentful etc. Wish I could change that, but it's hormones I guess, and I don't seem to have any control over it.

I do hope others in my situation, can figure something out. We have had very frank conversations recently, two times I cried. I'm hoping that things will improve.

To answer a PP, yes, I have changed a bit since we met 10 years ago. I've gained about 2 stone. I'm only a size 12 now though, not hardly a Blimp. Ha ha.

Everything else about us, is perfect. Just need to get this sorted!

OP When I say fling, I should probably clarify it and day I was dating this person but it didn't go on beyond a couple of months.

I'm 48, with someone who's 53, he's been permanently up for it since we met at the start of last year and I don't get the impression this is unusual for him. We only meet a couple of days a week, one overnight stay, but usually dtd at least once when we meet. I'd be OK doing it once a week or something but he's experienced and generous and I enjoy it. Whenever I'm next looking for a partner I'd also like someone who wants sex. But at our age you don't know if that will last, do you? They might suddenly fall ill or whatever, and simply be incapable.

Heedmove your nana sounds awesome! You're never too old! !

@candtflip
Yes, you have described our sex life and the menopause was the tipping point as I mentioned in earlier post, in my experience most of my friend say much the same. If your dp is same age seems to coincide with a decline in their function too.
We still talk and laugh about memorable shags though so create some memories whilst you can 😂

😂 nursy1 I will take your advice onboard. Our children are off to university soon, hopefully we can have a last hurrah and make those memories! 😂

I am 49, DH 53, been together 32 years and are still going strong! Obviously there have been quiet times, when the kids were young, illness, operations, etc but now the children have grown up, we are like teenagers again! Mostly at weekends

I had a hysterectomy when young and on HRT, I think that helps.