Is this normal sexually? Should I do it?

[hangryallthetimee]

Ok so for context and not to drop feed... Dp and I have been together for 2 years. I've been in 2 previous long term relationships and him 1 but in all previous relationships we were both victims of DV. So we treat each other very respectfully and can be very cautious with each other. We also find that neither of us have much of an idea of what a "normal" relationship is like.
We have a good sex life but only recently we have slowly started expressing what we like or don't like more.
Last week I was shopping online for some new bras and due simply to the fact that they have %20 off and bras can be expensive I was looking on the Ann Summers site. We were looking down the lingerie and DP made some comments (respectfully not sleazy or anything, just saying that he liked this or that) about some of the items, and seeing as he seemed to be taking such an interest and really liking them, I added some basic bras to basket and then gave my phone to him to have a look and see if there was anything else he wanted to add, like I say were both very cautious so this was easier than having a conversation about it. He had a look and gave it back to me with a big smile on his face asking if I liked them, it was leather look gloves full arm length and wet look leather lingerie/body's.
It's all a bit sexy for me I was your typical nice girl I can't imagine myself in leather lingerie and it's not my cup of tea when I think of what makes me tick, but I do really want to make him happy and I think this is a huge step for us in terms of being comfortable enough to express what we want and need and it's not like I'm putting myself in any danger or he's hurting me in any way, it's just not quite my cup of tea.
Is it normal sexually to dress up like that for your partner if it doesn't float your boat at all? I feel I have no judgement of this anymore, I want to do something nice for him but also don't want to get myself in a situation where I'm doing things I don't want to

Wow, busybarbara, that was uncalled for, wasn't it?

1. Communication is key - you both need to feel listened to, fulfilled and comfortable.

2. Dressing up is neither normal nor abnormal, although many people find it fun.

3. What sounds "slightly nasty" to some is fun and exciting to others.

4. See above. If butt plugs and strap ons aren't busy Barbara's idea of a good time, then she should steer clear of them, but for others that night be what they want.

You should only do what you feel happy and comfortable with.

No need to be rude barbara.

There'll be plenty of "gross" people reading your comments...

I suppose it's easy for me to say. Don't ever do anything that you are not entirely comfortable with. If you feel stupid wearing leather gloves, or split crotch panties, or anything else that you are uncomfortable with then don't do it.

There's nothing wrong with any or either of those things.
Some people (mostly men) find it extraordinarily more
arousing to have a bit of ridiculously overt sexuality when they have sex with their DP. It's not abnormal.

There's a big difference between 'hmm, not sure about that' and 'Eww, that's repulsive/frightening/upsetting'. No matter what it is.
The key thing to remember is: what other people do is completely irrelevant. Other people's top turn ons are their business (outside of actual crimes).
It sounds like you were both discussing, with some interest, the idea of sexy clothing. He expressed a preference for something you hadn't thought of wearing. None of this is automatically bad: you can discuss it and see what type of clothing appeals to both of you.
And it isn't necessarily awful or a sign of abuse/control if you agree to try something that you are not initially thrilled by, but which your partner has expressed desire for (as long as it's in 'not thrilled but maybe' rather than 'really reluctant' territory). Because some things (whether sex or any other leisure activity) are things you really don't know if you will like them until you try.

Hi - my advice (to echo others) - Don't do anything that you don't feel comfortable doing - that includes sharing details of sex outfits online

Is it normal sexually to dress up like that for your partner if it doesn't float your boat at all?

No.
Being open and honest means you get to say no thanks. Not my cup of tea.

It's a bit of a leap isn't it...to go from someone who has not ever tried that kind of thing to wet look bodies and leather gloves!

Quite blundering and stupid of your partner to think you'd be all "Jolly good! Let's order those and I'll be happy to wear them!"

If you're interested in wearing some fancy/sexy lingerie then buy something of your own choosing. You know now that he likes things which look a bit risque/bondagey but that doesn't mean you have to wear them.

If you want to buy something you think he will like, but that you'd be happy to wear, then just go for a black all in one or similar. Don't order those gloves! THey sound embarrassing.

You don't sound comfortable OP.

It’s absolutely not normal to do something if you are not keen or don’t want to. Most people don’t dress up.

If he’s keen on rubber gloves why don’t you ask him to do the washing up and give him a pair of marigolds to wear. I’m pretty sure he won’t be so keen on them then.

I've never dressed up for sex, except wearing nice underwear, which I think most women do when they suspect they're going to have sex. It's really not my thing. I've never slept with a man who wants it tbh - or has asked me to. Men that have slept with me seem grateful enough just to get me into bed - and I've been with DH for over 20yrs now.

I wouldn't like it, because I don't want to feel like a sex doll. I\d like a man to be turned on by being with me, not the wet look gloves or whatever.

It probably sounds prudish - but I'm not actually prudish - I just don't like subscribing to a pornified sex life. Don't ever be brainwashed into doing/wearing anything you don't want to do.

^ Above is my personal opinion - I'd like to make that clear. No judgement on any women who do want to dress up etc. As long as they want to. Genuinely - not just because they think they should want to. Iyswim?

Don’t make sarcastic comments to him like some are advising... if you wouldn’t be comfortable then don’t buy them. If you are willing to try as an experiment on the basis that if you don’t like it then you don’t wear them again, then go for it. He’s not weird or creepy etc he’s seen something that has made him feel something and since you asked he’s been honest. Have a chat and just say you wouldn’t feel comfortable wearing them. Maybe pick a few things you definitely like and let him pick, or surprise him.

In a general way, it's not weird or disgusting or 'indulging men's vile pornified horribleness' to dress up for sex. It's something some people like to do.
It's not indicative of any kind of moral superiority to stick to the most plain and functional underwear and only ever have naked sex in bed with the lights off.
But it's OK to refuse something you don't fancy doing just as much as it's Ok to ASK a partner if they would like to try something different.

Not dressing up in wet look bodies, or whatever, does not equal "sex with lights off." i.e you are boring if you don't do xyz. This is tantamount to telling women that they're not sexually exciting unless they're willing to be "adventurous" - where adventurous means buying Ann Summers stuff. No need to buy into this stuff at all.

It sounds normal, but having said that i would feel silly wearing it!

Is it normal sexually to dress up like that for your partner if it doesn't float your boat at all? No. Nothing you feel uncomfortable doing sexually (or otherwise, for that matter) is normal.

Heck I'd wear it for the 10 minutes it takes to make him happy. I like those full length satin gloves like Marilyn Monroe wore.

Heck I'd wear it for the 10 minutes it takes to make him happy. Op doesn't want to wear it though, and "making him happy" is not what sex is about. Him being happy over her being happy/comfortable is a dangerous precedent to set.

Both sides need to be happy and op's discomfort isn't something that should be overlooked so her spouse can get his kicks.

That is merely reducing op to an object.

If I were you, I’d find something a bit sexy that I was actually comfortable wearing and start there. I have to admit I do wonder what other things he may be into and whether you are really compatible sexually though.

OP I think you have learnt a valuable lesson here, I hope. Don't offer your dp a lot of choice of things you don't know what the options will be. Or rather choose the things you are happy with and let him choose from things you know you are OK with.

If you want to try these things, go for it. If not, say I'm not comfortable with that.

At the end of the day it is your body, you should only put on it, or around it what you are happy with.

Totally agree with differentnameforthis "Both sides need to be happy and op's discomfort isn't something that should be overlooked so her spouse can get his kicks.

That is merely reducing op to an object."

Unfortunately a lot of women seem to think that making a man happy is about doing whatever he wants sexually, adopting his fetishes, spending money on ridiculously uncomfortable sex clothes, putting on theatrical displays of satisfaction etc. I rarely hear of men reciprocating this or feeling the same obligation. One man I was with once told me he wanted me to dress up in “slutty” clothing a couple of sizes too small and on discussion it was clear he felt this was in some way humiliating for me and that was apparently a positive for him. Fuck that.

I don’t think the act itself is extreme, but just don’t do things you don’t want to do. Being uncomfortable with something is a valid reason for saying no to anything at all, and frankly you don’t need a reason.

OP I think you’re worried about “where will this end” if it starts with a sexy outfit will that lead to...? I think you need to tell him this, that you’re willing to try wearing something but not any surprise new sex moves unless there’s prior discussion and agreement, and that wearing it is such a big step for you.
Or tell him you wouldn’t feel comfortable and won’t be wearing it!

Ann Summers stuff is completely mainstream and normal to many people - that's why it's on the high street! It wouldn't be if it was in any way dodgy! Appreciate it's not everyone's cup of tea, but horses for courses. Some people here can piss off with their judgemental comments. Who are they to say what other people may or may not want to do?

As others have said, don't do anything you feel uncomfortable with, but equally, why not try and experiment a little...you might find it's fun!

and "making him happy" is not what sex is about.

Isn't sex about both partners selflessly making the other happy and putting their own satisfaction aside? If both do that, win win.

Man's perspective here..

I don't think it's all that unusual. When we were younger DW was quite happy to dress up - she knows I like it.

Should you do it ? My advice is don't be influenced by feelings about what "a good girl" would do. If you actively dislike doing it then don't do it, but we all do things to make our partner happy which we are maybe ambivalent about - it's part of the give and take of marriage.

As an aside - the way things are going, in a couple of years time this could be mainstream fashion..