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Original poster

Older male friend told me he loves me

3 replies

laconicraven · 30/05/2018 15:18

I am in my late 30's and for about 7 years I have been friendly with an older man who runs a local second hand bookshop.

I frequented the bookshop as I'm a big reader and as a regular I would often have a cup of tea with the owner and a chat. He is a lovely man in his mid 60's now, quite a character and very interesting to chat to and I have become very fond of him and enjoy stopping in to see him for a cup of tea or a game of cribbage and a nosey round the books but then so do many of his friends and regulars. I am married and his seems to be the perennial bachelor.

This morning he told me quite bluntly that he is in love with me and has been for years now and that even though he knows its impossible he had to tell me how he felt.

I really don't know what to do with this information and wish he had not told me. I liked him a lot and enjoyed his chat and company but I am very happily married and have no interest in any further relationship with my friend which he knows.

Is it possible for us to stay as friends after he has told me this?

OP posts:
CardsforKittens · 30/05/2018 15:32

How do you feel about it in your gut? That's what you should go with.

It's possible to maintain the friendship if he accepts that you're not interested in him that way and doesn't bring it up again. Maybe he feels it was a relief to say it out loud and he can now get on with the friendship knowing it can't be more. However, if he ever mentions it again it starts to look like he's trying to negotiate.

If it were me, I'd probably give him a chance. Although at the slightest sign of any more feelings talk I'd be out of there for good. But if you're uncomfortable for any reason, trust your intuition.

Zaphodsotherhead · 30/05/2018 15:36

But is he really in love with you? He doesn't really know you, after all...

He sounds a little like my ASD XH. He would decide he was 'in love' with various unattainable people, because he liked them and was lonely. He didn't grasp the difference between 'in love' and 'admiring'.

Is he neurotypical in your estimation, Laconic?

SomeKnobend · 30/05/2018 15:45

I'd find another bookshop tbh.

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