bride-zilla help help!

[Twinkletoes90]

Good morning! I need advice - im sorry if I ramble and the story is long - so thank you for reading!

so my brother is getting married in 8 weeks (been engaged for two years & they asked me be bridesmaid right from the word go - I was made up - my dd is flower girl and son is page boy :))
when I got asked bride said - hair shoes and make up - have how ever you like - just dress she will choose fair enough happy days (btw there is me n her friend who are bridesmaids)

she choose two dresses - her friend complained to me how much she hated them - she doesn't want show her arms - bride asked for honest opinion friend said oh its lovely - I said tbh the fit isn't the best on me but I would wear it as its what she wanted... bride said no no problem we will go shopping - so we have ended up with a multi strap dress so friend can not show arms n I like - bride chose - when trying dress on I said oh im having my hair in a lovely bun for wedding as it will hopefully be hot and il be running round after the kids all day - bride said yes it will look lovely no problem :) - next min my brother txt me having a right go saying bride was choosing hair & make up and its there wedding pics so I will exactly how they want me to not how I want to! I basically told him she had already said I could have hair how I wanted but now shes changed her mind and lied saying shes never said this - the hair she wants is down and awful my hair actually isn't long enough for the platts she wants... she said it is - its not. now she has decided how she wants me wear my make up - or should I say not to have any on at all total minimal - I booked in to have my make up and lashes done and now I feel like its a waste of money as the look she wants is a every day make up look - so why should I pay for someone make me look how I look every day? the way she speaks to me is degusting she talks down to me - everyone has noticed. im sick of the stress of there wedding - im paying more to go to this wedding and hen/stag than my own bloody wedding! it was never about the money but now the way I get spoken to im starting to regret spending so much
all they care about is the wedding pics that's it not if anyone feels happy or comfortable how they look - they actually said this to me.

so my dilemma is should I still be bridesmaid or not? I honestly feel exhausted with it all
so so sorry for the long post

She should payfor the hair makeup and dress - what hveyounpaod for?

I have paid for hair make up and shoes xxx

she asked me to book my hair dresser for everyone which I did - then she didn't even tell me she had booked someone for her her mum and friend I had to find out when asking her to contact my hairdresser about how she wants her hair! (she denied asking me to book her until I showed her the txt messages she sent!) xxx

In all honesty if you duck out now the shit will hit the fan and your dc will be excluded as will you from the wedding, suck it up with happy thoughts and grin and bare it, its not worth causing a massive arguement between families. However i would be saying that if she wishes your hair and make up a special way then she pays for it!

If they’re paying then have your hair however she wants it but I think you should speak to the bride if your hair isn’t long enough for the style she wants and leave the ball in her court as to what to do - Mention the photos won’t be perfect if your hair isn’t great in the day (since that seems the most important thing here )
If your brother calls you about it again just refer him back to the bride - repeatedly if necessary
As for makeup again If she’s paying then I’d go along with her wishes
But If you’ve already booked eyelashes and nails anyway I’d just pay for those myself
It’s only one ( stressful) day

Should you still be bridesmaid ?
good question. Lots of people would pull out. Depends on the likely fall out I suppose

I’d politely say this isn’t what I signed up for, I’ll step down. No one should make you feel like shit, even if she is the bride

She should definitely be paying for your hair and makeup. I paid for everything for my bridesmaid, except for shoes. She wore a pair she already had as she knew they were comfortable. It's like she's excluding you by telling you to book in with your hairdressers and booking another one for everyone else. Usually you all get ready together...

I hinted this to my brother about them paying - but his reply was well you wanted her to do ur hair so you pay... well no I got told to book her for everyone I did as I was told - I have tried really hard to keep positive - general chit chat how's things going etc. asked if she needs help with any planning im always free - - I always get short replies and no no help - I feel like im there just for there pics that's it (as well as my kids that they never see - they kicked off cos I said mentioned them taking the kids shopping for their shoes - they are taking her nieces for theres and paying - they told me me to sort and pay)
I feel really deflated and really don't even want to go anymore! xxx

If all they care about is the pictures then just turn up and looking really miserable in each one. They won't know until they get them back 😁

Is it worth sitting down with your brother and explaining this to him gently? Showing him the messages you've received which contradict what his fiancee is telling him? And certainly explaining to him how depressing and draining you're finding it, to the point you want to drop out?

oh 8pinksnails - I have a funny feeling my daughter will do this already!!!
my mum (who has seen all messages etc) has just said 'have your hair how you want and make up how you want as your paying yourself for it - she wont no until she sees you on the day then it will be to late!'
i honestly feel torn - its not like i want my hair ott - just something simple and stylish and my make up it was the first time me having it done professionally and i now no point cos basically she doesn't want me to wear any !
i don't even no how to approach it with them anymore as they just go bat shit crazy at me! xxx

Make up you can redo yourself easily enough. Do you generally wear more then she does (not judging I wear a lot of lipstick!) - if so I can understand why she'd want you all to look vaguely similar.
The hair - well if it not long enough for she wants then the hairdresser will let her know.
If she's rude catch her on it every time and just keep saying there is no need.
I'd ignore the rest.

By redo I mean half way through my wedding I decided I looked a bit too natural (for me) and went and slapped on a load more!

SharpLily - i have actually done this i showed him everything sat there told him stop talking to me like shit i am not being awkward on anything i have done everything i have been told - he said 'well im spending a lot of money on my wedding - the £2000+ your spending on it is nothing compared to what they are spending - so shut up and just do as we say!' xxx

Notonthestairs - no hun i wear less than her normally - shes normally very bold red lips pink cheeks - i hardly wear much at all little bit of mascara and foundation haha the look i wanted wasn't even ott just mainly lashes bit of contouring just to look like a girl for once and not the mum who looks like she doesn't have time to brush her hair !! haha xxx

I really would pull out.

But if you don’t want to pull out, get you hair and make up done as you want to. I bet the bride will have others in lovely hair and make up, she seems hell bent on showing you up for some reason.

You are paying more than £2k for their wedding? That's seriously batshit. Nip it in the bud or suck it up. Only 2 choices really and only you know which one you want.

I would do what I wanted and if they complained tell them to piss of.
But I wouldn’t tell them, I’d let them see it on the day.

Re the make up, it sounds like she is wanting a more natural look than you, and that is her call really. Maybe a fake look doesn't fit with the aesthetic? I would cancel lashes etc and go with it, just do your own make up. Certainly don't do what you want and turn up anyway.

At my wedding I paid for hair, makeup, shoes, bags and accessories and they chose their own makeup because everyone has different faces that need different things! Not fair to make you wear no makeup if your not comfortable with it! I had a friend with a Bob who had a plait around her hair into a bun... It took a lot of time and Bobby pins but looked lovely, my other two bridesmaids had long hair and wanted it up and I wanted them all the same! Google short hair and plait into bun it's like a bun but really just swirled hair at end of a plait type thing?

Fuck me. Your paying £2k plus for their wedding? Have you spent it already? Are you paying for their venue and flowers? Cancel all of the expenditure now. Stop offering to help. What a mug you are.
I would pull out and not bother to see them again.

I think you should just agree to everything with an inward sigh .
I've known quite a few normal easy going nice women who have turned into psycho bitches whilst arranging their weddings I think its part of the course nowadays.
It is really not rocking the family boat to get your justified complaints across, however reasonable and right you are.
Take a deep breath.......................

They sound awful. I'd want to pull out but it would cause a lot of ill feeling. Tricky situation.

You should do what Xmasfairy86 suggests, it’s what I would do, people don’t have any excuse/right to speak to people in the manner they’ve been speaking to you

£2k for someone else's wedding? Oh dear me no! They are taking the absolute piss and you're letting them! I would not be spending another penny on their wedding. If they want anything else specific then they can foot the bill. Cheeky feckers.

The way I see it is you have two options, you either suck it up and just get through the day as best you can or you pull out. Only you know how much of a rumpus pulling out would cause.

I would back out of this.
£2K and it's not even your wedding.
They are rude to you as well.
This really isn't worth it.
I'd just say, this is causing a lot of tension and it's better if I just come as a guest.