bride-zilla help help!

[Twinkletoes90]

Good morning! I need advice - im sorry if I ramble and the story is long - so thank you for reading!

so my brother is getting married in 8 weeks (been engaged for two years & they asked me be bridesmaid right from the word go - I was made up - my dd is flower girl and son is page boy :))
when I got asked bride said - hair shoes and make up - have how ever you like - just dress she will choose fair enough happy days (btw there is me n her friend who are bridesmaids)

she choose two dresses - her friend complained to me how much she hated them - she doesn't want show her arms - bride asked for honest opinion friend said oh its lovely - I said tbh the fit isn't the best on me but I would wear it as its what she wanted... bride said no no problem we will go shopping - so we have ended up with a multi strap dress so friend can not show arms n I like - bride chose - when trying dress on I said oh im having my hair in a lovely bun for wedding as it will hopefully be hot and il be running round after the kids all day - bride said yes it will look lovely no problem :) - next min my brother txt me having a right go saying bride was choosing hair & make up and its there wedding pics so I will exactly how they want me to not how I want to! I basically told him she had already said I could have hair how I wanted but now shes changed her mind and lied saying shes never said this - the hair she wants is down and awful my hair actually isn't long enough for the platts she wants... she said it is - its not. now she has decided how she wants me wear my make up - or should I say not to have any on at all total minimal - I booked in to have my make up and lashes done and now I feel like its a waste of money as the look she wants is a every day make up look - so why should I pay for someone make me look how I look every day? the way she speaks to me is degusting she talks down to me - everyone has noticed. im sick of the stress of there wedding - im paying more to go to this wedding and hen/stag than my own bloody wedding! it was never about the money but now the way I get spoken to im starting to regret spending so much
all they care about is the wedding pics that's it not if anyone feels happy or comfortable how they look - they actually said this to me.

so my dilemma is should I still be bridesmaid or not? I honestly feel exhausted with it all
so so sorry for the long post

How are spending £2k? Is any of it choices you've made? It seems a vast amount for somebody else's wedding.

My friend turned into bride zilla in exact same way! I wasn't bridesmaid, it was small wedding so no bridesmaids. Anyways I stopped being her friend and didn't go to wedding. But we're not family so it's a bit easier to get away with.

i would suck it up for the wedding, and just redo hair and make up myself for the reception so i was comfortable.

the £2k has been spent £300 day trip to London - cost of travel down her friend booked restaurant we all had to pay £75 each for food and cover brides food cost again £75 for drinks and brides drinks and a drinks in pub before coming home same day - didn't no full break down till after all paid got told going to a spa - never happened. £300 stag do over night stay in Newcastle with restaurant and drinks again paid for upfront groom ordered drinks and that in club -
my hair and make up is costing £150 then hotel for 2 nights stay as she wants us ready for 10-10.30 so had to book two nights stay as struggle to get there and be ready for that time £700 for b&b - they have booked restaurant night before then charged everyones room extra for this - only found this out last night off my mum. the rest is cost of everything else getting to wedding drinks at wedding was told to take at least £250 as its very expensive? shoes cost also other bridesmaid asked for £50-100 to put towards a bag for night before wedding for bride... I didn't realise the cost of everything until last night tbh. I feel like a total mug tbh. xxx

I think you need to assert yourself. You don't have to freak out, just stay calm and use a quiet, calm voice. Would it help to have your mum there? Decide what you want to do, plan what to say and say it.

£2k on someone else's wedding is ridiculous.

I would also cancel the makeup (unless you want it) as it sounds unnecessary.

Blimey that is A LOT of money for one day.
Have you included the gift?

Yes suck it up for the bridesmaids bit then do what you like.

Sorry, x-post. It sounds like you've left it a bit late this time.

Notonthestairs - no no gift included guessing another £50 for that??

SandAndSea - I have already paid for my make up to be done - and in full - she may not refund if I cancel? il ask her tho - I did want it cos I wanted to look amazing and feel amazing but tbh the look she wants me to have I can do it myself xxxx

You sound so lovely and trying very hard to make them happy.
I personally hate weddings they are so expensive and I've never been to one that is fun.
Our wedding cost £2000 no frills, no gifts, no demands and no cost to anybody.
We've been happily married since 95.
I really feel for you. They are really taking advantage of all of you.
I couldn't afford to be involved in their wedding as we are too tight to lavish on stag/hens, presents, drinks etc
If you are going to this wedding look fabulous you have earned the right after enduring their awful behaviour.
I'll be so angry you've could've have had a family holiday for the cost of their wedding.
Best of luck and I hope they calm their tits down before the whole family ends up hating them.

I say keep the appointment for the makeup. Please keep it. The one thing you can keep control of and actually enjoy will be looking awesome.

I am actually quite concerned about her suggesting no makeup for you. It's a day for lots of makeup. You can have a lot on your face and it still looks minimal in photos. Go for it, look great, feel great and just suck up the rest of the drama and

Colbu24 - thank you! yes im not a massive wedding person - we only spent £4000 on ours and loved the day.. my bridesmaid I let her choose her dress hair make up and just paid - I personally wouldn't of picked what she wore but she felt comfortable and happy and that's all I cared about tbh... also we are not going away this year now as cant afford it - and I feel stupid now for paying out so much.

EscapeTheCastle - yes I am going to keep it as I wont get much back! and atm my skin is awful!!! I feel very low about my skin atm and trying to sort it out with new cream etc. if she moans on the day il just not be in the pictures haha il be at the bar drinking the ridiculously over price house white haha xxx

Hmm, I hate to say it but it sounds like you’ve been a bit daft to have just said yes to everything without asking about costs. Are you worried people will think you are mean if you don’t do everything asked. If someone asked me to contribute £100 for a bag for the bride I’d just say no. It wouldn’t be an issue as it wouldn’t happen.

Also you accommodation is crazy high? Not sure why you would agree to it.

actually it was always put we need to do a night before wedding bag for bride just a few little bits she would get for her and then asked me for the money after she bought stuff - I questioned why so much and she made out that im being cheap and that its my brothers wedding and im bridesmaid - I felt like shit after.
and the hotel is were everyone else is staying we was only meant to be staying wedding night which was fine but now she wants us ready so early I had to book the extra night as everything was planned to get there at 9.30/10 and get hair and make up done then ready for 12-12.30 wedding starts at 1.30... I explained to her about times but it was just a 'You must be ready for 10.30 the latest, end of.'
xxx

It’s sounds crazy. You need to stop agreeing to things without knowing the costs involved and you also need to stop worrying that people might think you are mean.

Can’t you stay somewhere else and get a taxi in the morning?

im actually just looking into that now!!!

thank you all for your advice xxx

Hang on.
So the wedding is at 1:30pm and she wants you fully ready by 10:30am!???
That can't be right.
I know the photographer arrives about an hour early to do pics with the bride with her mum and dad and bridesmaids etc... but not 3 hours!!!
What are you going to do in those 3 hours?
It could be mega hot.
You'll just sweat all your make-up off and your hair will flop.
This bride is batshit!!!

I feel for you, but you really don't need to do everything you are told, yes its her wedding but she isn't the boss of you. Please stand up for yourself get there for 0930 in the morning, that is plenty of time.

she said she wants us ready to help out... but not said what with - I have asked and been ignored... im guessing its to set up the room or something??? or help her? I honestly don't even no what her dress is like I said id love to come to her fittings if she wanted me to she never replied to that either. and now today after talking it out with you lovely ladies I realised im a complete mug and feel totally stupid.
im 100% dreading the wedding. xxx

You are not a mug. Keeping your appointment means doing what in the morning timing wise?

Also if it's not too late change hotel and say no to the brides bag thing.

Bloody hell. 2k!? Sorry, not helpful to be shocked...but...ahh!

If theres anything you can cancel to save costs, do it!

Re make up- I think you may find that you look a natural look if a professional is doing it. When I see a "natural look" done by a make up artist it looks 100x better than mine, and also involves 3 x as much make up

You can always put more on if you dont lile it. BUT....if you are paying for it then fuck it- cancel. And if you are paying for your hair then cancel that too and explain you cant afford it. Do your own hair how you want. Conveniently be unable to do the hair she wants if you know it wont look good.

If you were 6 months out I might say pull out, but as you have already spent most of the money, your kids are involved, and its only 8 weeks..I would suck it up. Probably not worth the upset and hassle.

Also, I wouldnt buy a gift. Give them a congrats card. If they ask, you spent 2k and presumably arent made of money!

They sound awful! Just because it's their wedding doesn't make it OK to treat you so badly.

My hair and make up is starting around 8.30ish depending on time they get there - I have just cancelled the room for the night before! Just going to have an early get up and get dressed in parents room!

Oh now this I swear each day is a new challenge with them... just got a joint txt to me and my cousin (kids are same age as mine and we are all on table together I think?!) saying kids can have no electronics at meal due to they will spoil photos.... 😩😩😩😩 my kids shall be running wild then! Xxx

A proper MUA will make you look amazing, even if you are having a very natural look. Infact, probably all the more reason to have it.

Meghan Markle wedding look anyone?