Anyone one ever recover from an affair

[heartbrokenhettie]

So just that really. Found out this evening my partner of 8 years has slept with a work colleague on several occasions.

It's still a shock and I'm totally numb, I'm unsure if to cut my losses and leave or work to repair our broken relationship ?

Does it ever work once a partner has cheated? Can any positives be gained ?

My head is spinning

OK. Then I would definitely ditch him. He'll be no loss to you.

He'll be no loss to you.

This stupid and mean comment should be disregarded.

@FeckinCrunchiesInTheCar fab pep talk but I think I will make that decision on my own. Good chat though.

@FeckinCrunchiesInTheCar obviously speaking from a wide breadth of personal experience there due to their compassion empathy and insight

People stay for all kinds of reasons, as a wise lawyer said, don’t make your life worse purely out of ‘hurt’ and if you decide to leave, do it when you feel stronger and have thought through rationally ‘

yetmorecrap wise words indeed!

A male friend ( reformed cheater ) said to me when I was ranting about leaving , ok so you're miserable , do you honestly think living in a much smaller house with less income less holidays and getting the bus in the cold and rain to work ( instead of the admittedly cushy lifestyle I have just now) that that's going to make you happier? You'll still be miserable but in less comfortable surroundings/position too!

I was annoyed at the time as I was all " I don't want his money, I can do without, I don't need no man " etc, but the fact is I would still be just as miserable if not more.
Obviously underlining this is the fact that I do love him very much despite all this.

Cutting off your nose to spite your face as my mother would say

diamondsandrose

This is EXACTLY why I didn't leave, and I ain't ashamed to admit it.

I don't think I would be worse off financially if I left, I would end up in a smaller place. But that wouldn't bother me. But I would miss him and wonder if things could of worked out. This way I get to be with him and we have a chance to start afresh. He is also extremely thankful that I am even considering trying again.

Hettieyou are undoubtably doing the right thing

If it doesn't work out then what have you lost? A few months of your life? So what, you gain the knowledge that you tried your best and it wasn't to be.

That's my MO at the moment anyway

As my mother once said, it’s easier to be miserable in comfort , unless something is so bad or awful that you just ‘have’ to go

Of course if money isn’t an issue, then non of this applies !!

It's never been the same, and I don't think it will ever be. I don't feel the same way about him.

I suspected somehow was going on at the time & accused him, but didn't find out till later - by which point we had 2 young kids & no support. Given the choice of doing it all on my own, in poverty, I stayed.

The most difficult person to forgive has been myself. I feel I have comprised my principles & let myself down by staying.

Prosecco surely you did what you thought was best at the time, for you and your children. Your post has made me feel so sad. You deserve more than this.

It's a horrendous decision. I hate to think of someone feeling they have let them selves down like that, you honestly haven't. It's a blind crossroads and I am standing at it too. How could you know how you would feel in the future? You didn't have a crystal ball.

If you are really unhappy can't you still make a move now?

A blind crossroads

That’s exactly it diamondsandrose

Prosecco 💐
He was the one who comprised his principles and let himself down, not you.
What’s done is done. Your decision on whether to stay with him or not should be based on how your relationship is now.