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Original poster

Could he be cheating...snapchat?

86 replies

anothersadday122 · 04/05/2018 07:59

For background I have access to my partners phone / location / Instagram and Facebook regularly. So if he was going to hide something he would know he needs to be clever.

A while ago my DP had an older iPhone and it had no memory and was at the end of its life. Apps kept going onto the cloud due to lack of memory and one of these was Snapchat. He said that he deleted it as there was no point and I thought nothing of it. I had seen his snapchat before, barely used, not as popular among his friends.

Then a few weeks later snapchat is back, I commented on this. He said it automatically downloaded again with the software update. He had had a software update and seemed like a typical iPhone issue so just accepted it. Couldn't see anything incriminating, then he deleted it again as I thought it was odd how he didn't want it and then suddenly did.

Anyway, now he has a new iPhone. One night a few weeks ago, he fell asleep so I got his phone to set his alarm for work (when this happens he usually sleeps through). When I double tapped the home button the App Store had been open with "snapchat" in the search bar. I thought it was odd. I know the password so I downloaded it on my phone and logged in to see if anything suspicious was there - nothing was. So I then asked him about it and he said he'd gone on to see something he'd read about Cardi B (he's obsessed with her) then deleted it after. This sounded odd but I accepted his word as I hadn't seen anything when I'd looked.

Then last night, he fell asleep again. I got his phone and I swiped to the left where it shows "Siri app suggestions" and for half a second snapchat was one, it then disappeared as the app had since been deleted. A small glitch that occurs when you've had an app and then deleted it but from experience you have to have had the app/used it most recently.

The reason this makes me think he's cheating is because I've been logged into his snapchat on my phone since the issue of the App Store and if you log in on another device it would have signed me out. Therefore I know he hasn't been on his account. This means he has another one and the only reason for a secret account is not good...! I asked him and he denied ever going on it since our last discussion.

I'm at a loss at what to do/believe! Anyone got ideas/advice? My gut has a bad feeling on this

OP posts:
HonkyWonkWoman · 04/05/2018 08:07

I'm not as Tech savvy as you but I know that iPhones can do perculiar things and if you try to leave Apps they can try to entice you back.
So, I wouldn't be jumping to any conclusions right now.
Leave it a while now, as if there is something untoward, he'll know you're checking.
Then have a look in another few weeks.
Really hope it's all just technical glitches OP!

GertieMotherwell · 04/05/2018 08:10

Let me get this clear.
You think he has set up a new snapchat account and he deletes it after use and then re-loads?

GertieMotherwell · 04/05/2018 08:10

Have you checked battery use?

Whatsforu · 04/05/2018 08:13

I take it there's more than this? Checking his phone and social media all the time seems excessive to me. Not alot of trust.

Original poster
anothersadday122 · 04/05/2018 08:25

We both have full access to each other's phones out of transparency. Something we agreed on when first getting together. I also have a lot of my friends on Find Friends as well as my partner and they have me. I have nothing to hide so it's never bothered me.

I think given what lengths some men go to to hide their wrongdoings, I don't think it's that hard to believe that someone would delete an app and redownload it, especially when we're apart for 12 hours a day at work.

OP posts:
Original poster
anothersadday122 · 04/05/2018 08:27

Just to add, I can check all his social media/ emails but I don't - I just can at any moment. As he can for me... except MN as it's now new

OP posts:
ObiJuanKenobi · 04/05/2018 08:28

It's not out of transparency it's out of distrust.

AnyFucker · 04/05/2018 08:29

Obsessed with Cardi B ? He is out of order for that alone.

forumdonkey · 04/05/2018 08:31

Wow I think you're the one with the issues. Sorry OP but Where's the trust if you need to have access to phones and social media? Even with this you clearly still don't trust him.

Bubblesblue · 04/05/2018 08:34

I feel stifled just reading that. Give him some tech space! It's not good for either of you. No, I don't think he's cheating.

hellsbellsmelons · 04/05/2018 08:34

Check his battery usage.
That will tell what he's been using, app or no app loaded.

POPholditdown · 04/05/2018 08:39

We both have full access to each other's phones out of transparency.

But does he go through your phone in the middle of the night and keep your accounts open on his phone?

Olicity17 · 04/05/2018 08:40

My ex was like this. Always checking what i downloaded, what i used had access to everything. It didnt help a bit. He just became convinced I had found a way round it.

Its not transparancy. Its paranoia and all this checking doesnt help. Fwiw, you can havr snapchat on multiple devices, logged in at the same time. I have logged on my friends phone and it not kicked me out.

Without sounding harsh. I left my ex because of stuff like this.

You dont trust him. Its that simple. If you did you wouldnt need to keep checking his phone. Having access to it is between ypu and him. But if you trusted him, you wouldnt be doing this.

Original poster
anothersadday122 · 04/05/2018 08:44

I actually feel like my reasons for having his accounts are irrelevant to this. But anyway, let me explain.

Snapchat is still open on my phone from when I had a bad feeling and went looking. Yes shows my suspicions but also I know how easy people can lie and delete. I just never logged out as I didn't think of it. I clicked on it again last night and saw I was still logged in which is why I know he can't have been on his account.

My main question is really why on earth an iPhone would suggest an app that has been deleted weeks ago and then disappear as it then knows it's deleted. Is this normal? Anyone else have this experience? Absolutely no other old apps or non downloaded apps appear here except last night with Snapchat.

With regards to knowing each other's passwords - I think that is entirely personal choice. We each have the same password for everything and don't think there's an issue when there's nothing to hide. My reason for going on his phone was entirely innocent (his alarm).

And yes he has been on my phone / my apps in the past. We use each others sometimes.

OP posts:
POPholditdown · 04/05/2018 08:51

If theres nothing to hide between the two of you, then ask him? He obviously shouldn’t have a problem with any of this snooping.

TeisanLap · 04/05/2018 08:54

Op, you have transparency yet it’s not brought you much of any peace of mind.

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 04/05/2018 08:56

Maybe the reason you haven’t been logged out of his snapchat is that he’s telling the truth and doesn’t use it?
Why are you both so paranoid?

timeisnotaline · 04/05/2018 09:01

I suppose you can do the battery check thing to see if he is using it (I don’t know how) , but if he isn’t you need to give yourself a good talking to.

Original poster
anothersadday122 · 04/05/2018 09:07

I have asked him and he said he hasn't used it. Which I want to believe but why on earth would the app have appeared there? It's that that is making me doubt things and my gut has such a bad feeling on it

OP posts:
ALittleBitConfused1 · 04/05/2018 09:26

This sounds exhausting, controlling and very unhealthy.
I couldn't deal with this, what happened to privacy.
I'll let you into a secret, if you feel the need to check up on each other and are constantly expecting eachother to lie, cheat and delete it really is easier to be single.
When I read about relationships like this on here I breathe a sigh of relief I am lol.

Aussiebean · 04/05/2018 09:39

I have complete access to my dhs phone and vice versa. Just like you.

But, unlike you, I don’t go through his phone, looking what he has what he hasn’t and when and if it was installed or deleted. He doesn’t with me either.

He has given me zero reason to doubt him.

What has your partner done that you feel you need to search and question everything his phone does?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/05/2018 09:46

It doesn't sound like there is much trust in your relationship and you sound very controlling to be honest. Would you like him going through your phone when you're asleep?

Other than downloading Snapchat, is there any specific reason why you think he is cheating? You come across as a bit paranoid. Sorry.

IceSwan · 04/05/2018 09:50

He obviously does have a new snapchat that you aren't aware of

Original poster
anothersadday122 · 04/05/2018 10:01

I think people are missing the point here, I didn't look for anything, I saw it. It's like if you saw any app of your partner's that they had said they didnt have. In fact, i remember someone who's husband had whatsapp after telling her he never used it and he was online - turns out he was with a woman from dog walks or something.

Honestly, what has probably made me paranoid is mumsnet. I've always read posts in the back ground, and observed, always shocked by what I read and I know it's made me a lot more paranoid.

He has never cheated on me that I know of, he has told white lies about his whereabouts before (once at the very beginning years ago, he lied he'd gone home and i had a bad feeling, i was right when i saw a text from a friend asking where he was after getting some food when he would have been at home in bed - the reason he lied is silly, he didnt want to upset me as he had not invited me when I could have been- but he lied and promised but i just knew it wasn't right)

He cheated on his ex but wasnt particularly good at hiding anything and this can add doubt. He does say he regrets this and is because she forced him to be in the relationship (he just wanted to be single coming out of a long term relationship)
Never cheated before that and had always been very anti-cheating and high morals.

OP posts:
Original poster
anothersadday122 · 04/05/2018 10:03

@iceswan why do you think he has one, how could I find it?

OP posts:
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