Could he be cheating...snapchat?

[anothersadday122]

For background I have access to my partners phone / location / Instagram and Facebook regularly. So if he was going to hide something he would know he needs to be clever.

A while ago my DP had an older iPhone and it had no memory and was at the end of its life. Apps kept going onto the cloud due to lack of memory and one of these was Snapchat. He said that he deleted it as there was no point and I thought nothing of it. I had seen his snapchat before, barely used, not as popular among his friends.

Then a few weeks later snapchat is back, I commented on this. He said it automatically downloaded again with the software update. He had had a software update and seemed like a typical iPhone issue so just accepted it. Couldn't see anything incriminating, then he deleted it again as I thought it was odd how he didn't want it and then suddenly did.

Anyway, now he has a new iPhone. One night a few weeks ago, he fell asleep so I got his phone to set his alarm for work (when this happens he usually sleeps through). When I double tapped the home button the App Store had been open with "snapchat" in the search bar. I thought it was odd. I know the password so I downloaded it on my phone and logged in to see if anything suspicious was there - nothing was. So I then asked him about it and he said he'd gone on to see something he'd read about Cardi B (he's obsessed with her) then deleted it after. This sounded odd but I accepted his word as I hadn't seen anything when I'd looked.

Then last night, he fell asleep again. I got his phone and I swiped to the left where it shows "Siri app suggestions" and for half a second snapchat was one, it then disappeared as the app had since been deleted. A small glitch that occurs when you've had an app and then deleted it but from experience you have to have had the app/used it most recently.

The reason this makes me think he's cheating is because I've been logged into his snapchat on my phone since the issue of the App Store and if you log in on another device it would have signed me out. Therefore I know he hasn't been on his account. This means he has another one and the only reason for a secret account is not good...! I asked him and he denied ever going on it since our last discussion.

I'm at a loss at what to do/believe! Anyone got ideas/advice? My gut has a bad feeling on this

Can’t believe people are encouraging this behaviour

Hi OP is does come across a little too much (in terms of your checking) you could just download Snapchat on his phone and then it would/should come up with the username he has been using (if there is a duplicate account) . Or check the battery on the settings as someone else mentioned .

Once you get this validation I think you need to really chill and perhaps take a step back from mumsnet if it's making you feel insecure / paranoid .
It doesn't really sound to me that your boyf has done anything wrong or acted suspicious in any way.
Hope this all turns out ok for you .

If you have this little trust you are going to drive yourself mad and run the risk of losing him. You honestly sound absolutely bat shit.

I have access to my dh's devices and him mine and if that ever changed or he was acting suspicious etc I would be worried and maybe look. But you seem to be pre-empting this by being one step ahead.

And you say you 'saw' and didn't look for the app initially etc but since then you've been very controlling ( albeit on the quiet) by staying logged in and checking his phone again.

Totally agree with WitchWitch. This is NOT NORMAL. If you are this paranoid, leave him. Then you can guarantee he will not ever cheat on you.

Bottom line OP is you either trust him or you dont. If you dont - and it sounds that way, certainly not 100 pee cent - you may as well walk away.

Doesn’t the App Store just automatically suggest popular apps and, especially as he’s had Snapchat before and it is very popular, it would definitely be a suggested app. Plus they suggest apps commonly used by people who use the same apps that you do have installed.

That's what google says. I just checked my Siri app suggestions and it came up with the popular apps I use . I do have Snapchat but I can't remember the last time I used it, it didn't appear in the Siri suggestions list , apparently the algorithm used selects the apps you regularly use so maybe slightly sus if he has meant to have deleted it after the cardi b search a few weeks ago.

This is what I mean, I know a bit about how the phone works as I have one and it's not normal to happen. He 100% didn't have snapchat downloaded which is why the siri app suggestion then disappeared in half a second, meaning he was using it and then deleted it...

Also I have tested it, you 100% can't be logged into the same account on two diff devices, it logs you out of the other.

I think it doesn't really matter whether or not I trust him right now, I want hard evidence. We own property together and have a life together, it's not as simple as walking away. I need evidence.

@anothersadday122 I understand what you're saying OP. Maybe try downloading Snapchat on his phone then if does appear with an alternative username on the login screen you will know that he has lied to you about this .

I'm with pps , I'm exhausted from just reading your op.

Do you enjoy your relationship? Is it genuinely happy? Do you communicate well?

Also I think picking up his phone and going into his apps is a massive invasion of privacy. Does he do that to you too?

Nobody is telling you to walk away. Most people are questioning why you're doing this in the first place/why you don't trust him.

My DP and I have always said that if a time comes when we need to check the others phone, or query missing money in our joint account, or question another's movements - the relationship is already dead. Without trust, what else is there?

I think it's probably to do with the nature of Snapchat app itself , messages and pictures disappear and it's also reknown for sending nudes etc.

If my boyf suddenly had snapchat on his phone then I would probably ask the same question so I can kinda understand it.

There's been many threads on this forum whereby the Op will start off with a gut feel then be told by lots of MN users that she is obsessively stalking (anyone remember the whatsapp thread with the dog walker) well that didn't end well and all the privacy brigade were silenced.

OP if you have a gut feel then go with it. Upon reading your initial post it did come accross as you were snooping a lot but if you have a feeling then best to check it out . You have assets tied up with this man, also you don't want to waste your own time so I can understand it.

Op. This sounds like the sort of thing I would have done with my ex. Questioning all these things.

But honestly, I did not trust him ONE IOTA. Honestly, as PPs say it all sounds so stifling.

Not wanting to encourage you (but I know how it feels when there's no trust)... for finding out about a different Snapchat account - you'll need to search for contact on the app via phone number or email addresses, unless he's set up a new email just for this.

It seems like you've decided he's done wrong. You obviously dont trust him. You say you need evidence, but do you? What good will the evidence do (if there is actually any)? What do you want to happen from here?

So i have just logged in on snapchat on my frie ds phone. To test it. I am now logged on 2 devices. Just like my facebook is logged on 2. Maybe its a glitch. But i can.

Op you need to sort the trust. Regardless of what you say, complete transparency isnt helping you at all.

Good god, what a load of old pony

Just say he does have snapchat. Why does that mean he's cheating on you? He needs to tell you he's got it I think to get you off his case. Although I suppose you'd then want full access to it?

Your relationship isn't going to work. Nobody needs to have access to their partners tech habits in this way and it's a massive invasion of privacy

If you open the snapchat app on his phone and go to log in, like I have two snap chat accounts one for my business and a personal one, so lets say my busness is cakesbyfairy for eg, if click on the space to log in as if I was going to type in my user name, it usually prompts me, if I type in C it will come up cakesbyfairy as it obviously recognises it, or if I go to log in as my personal account I will type in f and fairyface will come up so you could try that. I know a friend of mine was cheating on her partner and had a separate snap account that he knew nothing about but he caught her as she had used another email to set it up and it was linked to the computer so every time she would log into shady account the computer would get a mail saying snapchat has been activated. God I've a headache explaining all that.

Also you are correct if someone logs into your snap chat it will automatically ask you to log in again when you do go onto your snap, that's how you know someone has accessed your account.

@FairyFace yes agree, that's what I was trying to explain , but you articulated it much better!

OP, if you notice all the apps that are used/deleted/logged in/logged off, it sounds like you’re on high alert anyway.

Do you actually trust him?

The evidence that OP has is a) he hasn’t got snapchat on his phone and b) the app on her phone has not yet logged out so he hasn’t logged into it.

Once you start looking for evidence, it’s already too late as you’ve convinced yourself there’s something to find. A pp has made a good point about her ex- he just became convinced she found a way around leaving evidence.

OP if you don’t find anything on his phone (eg battery usage) then you’ll only start thinking of the next place to look - I’ve been there unfortunately.

Thank you to those that are getting what i'm saying.

I think I'm now at a loss. I really want to believe him so much but my gut says otherwise. I think I'm going to remain on high alert and observe whilst figuring out what to do.

I am on high alert, I always have been as a person, as a kid, around everyone about everyone. It's exhausting. But I'm rarely wrong which is why it makes it worse.

Also, of course I know what apps my boyfriend has? We live together, we've been together years, we're part of the generation that utilises social media, you know this kinda stuff and I know he deleted it because he told me.

I have tried the methods of email addresses and his phone number, however through my expert detective skills (lol) he hasn't used his number for another account and he hasn't used any of his known emails. So it could easily be a different email he's set up in which case this goes too far.

And having a secret snapchat of course means that you are doing something untoward. No one has accounts in secret for any innocent reason.

This is bonkers.

Why are posters encouraging this kind of behaviour? Check his battery usage good gravy!

If I knew my partner had gone to such lengths to try and ‘catch me out’ I wouldn’t be sticking around. Where does this end?

If this is how you react to him downloading then deleting snapchat, I can’t imagine what other eggshells he has to tread on so as not to poke the beast.

This is exhausting to read and must be unbearably exhausting to live. Why not just get rid?

The should have been a but to be fair, it is also a bit

@anothersadday122 yes I actually think you're correct to stay on high alert tbh . Learning about the algorithm made me understand your point more .

@popholditdown in terms of your point a) he has deleted Snapchat yet it still appeared (very fleetingly ) as a regular used app suggestion by Siri . I have Snapchat but very rarely use it, once a month probs and it hasn't appeared in my Siri suggestions at all. Why would it show in her DP's if he only used it to check out a cardi b story , it wouldn't is the honest answer.
In reference to point b) he could have made another Snapchat account which seems likely as he is aware that the op is aware of his passwords and e-mails. Further more she has stayed logged into his original Snapchat account and hasn't been kicked out which furthermore suggests that he does indeed have a new account as it has appeared in his Siri suggestions without op being ejected out of the app. All make sense?