Could he be cheating...snapchat?

[anothersadday122]

For background I have access to my partners phone / location / Instagram and Facebook regularly. So if he was going to hide something he would know he needs to be clever.

A while ago my DP had an older iPhone and it had no memory and was at the end of its life. Apps kept going onto the cloud due to lack of memory and one of these was Snapchat. He said that he deleted it as there was no point and I thought nothing of it. I had seen his snapchat before, barely used, not as popular among his friends.

Then a few weeks later snapchat is back, I commented on this. He said it automatically downloaded again with the software update. He had had a software update and seemed like a typical iPhone issue so just accepted it. Couldn't see anything incriminating, then he deleted it again as I thought it was odd how he didn't want it and then suddenly did.

Anyway, now he has a new iPhone. One night a few weeks ago, he fell asleep so I got his phone to set his alarm for work (when this happens he usually sleeps through). When I double tapped the home button the App Store had been open with "snapchat" in the search bar. I thought it was odd. I know the password so I downloaded it on my phone and logged in to see if anything suspicious was there - nothing was. So I then asked him about it and he said he'd gone on to see something he'd read about Cardi B (he's obsessed with her) then deleted it after. This sounded odd but I accepted his word as I hadn't seen anything when I'd looked.

Then last night, he fell asleep again. I got his phone and I swiped to the left where it shows "Siri app suggestions" and for half a second snapchat was one, it then disappeared as the app had since been deleted. A small glitch that occurs when you've had an app and then deleted it but from experience you have to have had the app/used it most recently.

The reason this makes me think he's cheating is because I've been logged into his snapchat on my phone since the issue of the App Store and if you log in on another device it would have signed me out. Therefore I know he hasn't been on his account. This means he has another one and the only reason for a secret account is not good...! I asked him and he denied ever going on it since our last discussion.

I'm at a loss at what to do/believe! Anyone got ideas/advice? My gut has a bad feeling on this

I think if this didn’t require so much explaining people wouldn’t be on OP’s case so much. The huge but necessary explanation makes it seem like she’s done hours of crazy investigation in the middle of the night when really it was just a very simple thing.

To his credit, it seems odd he would allow you so much access to everything else and then take this chance. Does he go out without you a lot? Keep suspicious hours? Have you any other reason at all to be concerned?

But if he does have his own snapchat account what is the problem?

@BusterTheBulldog if you read the post OP doesn't have an issue with him having Snapchat it's the potential lie that he doesn't use SC when it's looking very much like he does...so then that leads you on to the next question ...why would you lie about using SC

No, having a snapchat account that your partner isn't aware of means nothing at all. Not in a normal relationship. I could download it now and not tell my husband and I promise you, if he were to find out, he wouldn't give two tosses. Same as I couldn't care less what apps he's downloading

Of course if he's cheating on you that's different. But you don't say anything about him doing this or sneaking off or guarding his phone

I think this issue lies with you based on what you've said here

@RolyPolyLilBatFaceGirl right so if you asked your partner whether he used xyz app and he said no , then later you stumble upon some information that suggests he uses it a lot you wouldn't consider that suspect no? More fool you imo .

We are encouraging it because so many of us have been there and got the t-shirt.
You don't just 'get rid' of years in a relationship.
I don't know why but we NEED proof.
For our own sanity really.
Although our 'gut instincts' are usually right we still need some kind of proof.
I'm not saying it makes sense to some, but when you've been cheated on you do become Miss Marple and you often do find the evidence you need.

Although our 'gut instincts' are usually right we still need some kind of proof.

That’s what I’m trying to say though, if you already believe yourself to be right in such a situation, without any proof, why stick around to torture yourself into finding it?

Also, I’d no proof is found this time, will the focus then shift to something else? Like he took too long to answer a call or stayed late at work.

All behaviour becomes suspect if looked at through the eyes of someone who is suspicious.

I'm seeing a lot of confirmation bias here.

Maybe he is cheating
Maybe he just got a secret sc account for some fucking privacy

@fuckit thank you so much. I do think a lot of the issues people have with this comes from a lack of understanding of how this happened coupled with a misunderstanding of technology. I work in the sector so have some idea.

No, he is not places unknown. He isn't ever out suspiciously. He did go out this weekend for the first time in a while with some friends and stayed at theirs, but I trust that there was nothing untoward there. But I guess it could be something.
This is what is giving me hope- I have nothing else in terms of behaviour for me to be suspicious. He is always where he says he is, he is home on time. HOWEVER, for all I know this could be to talk to someone from his work, or someone he sees in a place I wouldn't be suspicious about.

I never thought he would go to these lengths to deceive me. So this does come as a surprise but quite honestly it's the only logical explanation EXCEPT FOR an iPhone glitch which seems unlikely (not impossible).

100% if he has a secret account it is suspicious. Especially as we have this transparency rule. There is absolutely 0 reason for him to do that. Who could be so important to send a disappearing message to? Why not send a message on whatsapp?

Maybe he just got a secret sc account for some fucking privacy

"We each have the same password for everything and don't think there's an issue"

One big issue there is security. Somebody compromises that password and they have access to all your accounts. As for apps, well we can access each other's phones (in case of emergency, mostly) I don't care what apps on on my partners phone and vice versa. But we don't have trust issues...

@alittlebitconfused1 oh and how do you explain the lies about having a secret SC ? Oh that's ok because he's just hiding from his "stalker " girlf I suppose .

Honestly , why women feel the need to berate other women and ridicule them, when the woman has a gut instinct that their trust is potentially being abused is beyond me . I only hope you don't find yourself in the position whereby you suddenly stumble accross something sus on your DP's phone!

IMO playing Nancy Drew is just going to keep chipping away at your self esteem and you’ll be reaching for the rabbit and the stock pot before you know it.

Ask him outright - you might get the answer you seem to desperately need and he’ll know how much scrutiny his partner is putting him under.

Which means he can make an informed choice about staying with you knowing that anything and everything he does (and doesn’t do) will be picked apart and analysed.

Where is the love in this relationship, just paranoia and distrust. This does not bode well for a long term future together.

I’m sorry and I’m usually cynical. He wants snapchat and you presume he’s cheating?

So what if he does want Snapchat. It can be harmless, totally harmless. Maybe he is lying because you won’t ‘let him’ have certain forms of social media.

The checking is extremely obsessive and you’re coming across as extremely controlling. It’s a form of abuse. If you can’t trust him and need this level of surveillance then it’s not a relationship and it’s best you both walk away.

Fuck it I didn't once call the op a stalker gf. I think she had trust issues and I think her level of surveillance and checking her dp moves both online and off is wrong and controlling as Well as unhealthy for both parties.
When I was married (and no our relationship didn't end due to infedility) I knew .most of my dh passwords and vice versa. But that was for practical reasons. Him calling me while at work and asking to log on to pay his card bill or check the details of a message from x,y,z, for example.
I would never have questioned his where abouts, his app usage or dared to sign on to anything of his without being asked first, because to do so would be a lack of respect and an invasion of privacy in my eyes.
So to answer your statement I would never stumble across something suspect on my dp phone.
I may become suspect if i started being treated differently or if he wasn't home when he said he was or if he started acting strangely, in which case I would try to talk about it. If I was that convinced something was going on I would end it. But that is because due to past experiences I believe trust, respect and communication are the 3 most important things in a relationship, if any of those were lost I wouldn't hang around.
The thing is the op doesn't have any other clues. She seems adamant that he is cheating or will cheat and the responses are like she won't stop until he does.
This is in no way healthy and I think the op should deal with these issues before thinking about anything else.
So yes maybe he is sick of being checked up on, accused and questioned about things that are his business.

That is obsessive behaviour on your part. I'm sorry but if my partner was that wrapped up in my apps, locations and so on I'd be bloody worried

You need to get a grip and stop obsessively monitoring everything he does on his phone.

How young are you OP? How old is your partner?

I sense you were born after 1988 at a guess.

OP, I would describe myself as VERY SUSPICIOUS and jealous.

I think you are off the bloody scale ridiculous here. I would hate to live with someone as untrusting as you. I am surprised you allow the bloke to have a phone at all.

Have you had counselling for whatever has led you to be like this? You say it goes back to childhood. I would focus on that rather than on what apps your partners phone does or doesn't have.

You need to chill out.

FYI I downloaded snapchat to see how it worked about a year ago. Ever since my phone likes to try and get me to redownload it on a frequent basis by showing it in suggested apps etc. Every single I update my phone it downloads snapchat and a million other apps from my cloud that I didn't want.

Snapchat can be used for stuff other than cheeky nudes.... I exchange stupid shit on there with friends.
Tbh I found your OP a bit exhausting so apologies but can't you just look at his snap history if you can log into his account? This will tell you if he's been using it & who with.

It's not meant to be this difficult op.

Is your relationship happy? Is he kind and respectful to you? Do you both feel taken care of?

If the answer to those is yes, then please allow your partner privacy! The best way to kill intimacy is to remove privacy. I strongly urge you to read Mating in Captivity... Human beings need areas of their lives that belong to them alone. You can hate that as much as you like, but you'll destroy your relationships one by one unless you accept that. I include relationships with your children!!

If the answer to those questions is no, then all this app stuff is immaterial. Then you need to move on, you can't talk someone into making you feel safe, nor can you control.someone into it. It's something that's either there or it isn't.

Stop obsessing over the apps. Look at the relationship that's in front of your face and judge based on that.

This whole thread is swimming with red herrings...

LOL @AnyFucker