I don't like people.

[Hamandcheesebaguette]

Does anyone else feel like this?

I do a good job of disguising it but I really don't like people. I only ever seem to able to see their bad points and focus on these... I get annoyed very easily by people.

I scroll thriugh Facebook and think oh fuck off at every post. My friends message inane chit chat in the group chat and I want to scream NOBODY CARES.

I don't know what else to say but I wish I wasn't like this. I wish I could have a group of fabulous friends who I loved and could enjoy and lean on in times of need but I just can't seem to find with anyone.

I don't know what I'm hoping to achieve with this.... anyone have aby similar experience?

I don't hate people, I like a lot of people, I do however, shy away from developing friendships of a meaningful level. I volunteered to help with children walking somewhere with the school yesterday, as did another mum. She was determined to talk to me and of course I talked back, but I didn't want to. I don't do small talk, I don't want to know people's names and I'm not interested in friendships.

It used to bother me when I was younger, it feels like you are abnormal if you don't have a group of friends. I think I just reached a point where I had good friends and each friendship ended badly, so now I just don't bother nor do I have any desire to try. I have my mum, my husband, my DC and my oldest friend, we have been friends for 31 years but we don't text each other often, see each other once a month or so for a coffee and that's that. The more people in your life, the more likely the drama, gossip etc. Sad but for me, true.

It is you but because you're looking at things in a very superficial way. Traits and behaviours and comments that annoy you or you can't relate to.

We all have those. I limit my time on MN because I spend most of my time thinking people are really boring or just irritating and pathetic. Because it's a snapshot of that person. I deleted FB because it was making me really fucking irritated by people I am actually really fond of. I don't do any other social media for that reason.

People are complex. There are things about me that other people hate or find annoying because that's life. You could be the most wonderful person and there'll be something that someone will find infuriating. But disliking things that people say or do is very different to disliking that person/people in general. Its superficial annoyances that don't look at the entirety of a person.

I work every day with people that the majority of society think are scum and reject entirely. I like most of them because I really get to know them. Know their background, why they do the things they do. Trust many of them. Respect almost all.

But I can look at a post on MN about something completely unimportant (to me, not the person) and think they're an absolute arsehole I wouldn't give the time of day to. Because I see just that snapshot. I don't see all the things about them that I may actually like or know enough about them to understand why they do the things they do.

To be honest, I'm not overly keen on 95% of people. There are VERY few people that I would choose to spend time with over being alone

I wouldn't say I'm shy or a misanthrope but I'm definitely an introvert and far happier with my husband, dog or alone than I ever will be in a social situation

If being alone makes you happy, go for it 😊

I actually find people who make it some kind of challenge to get shy people to come out of their shell really fucking irritating too. 🤔
Yep, as if they think it's their divine duty to change shy people, who clearly have something wrong with them that must be cured. I don't dislike loud, strong characters at all, very far from it, it's people who try to change others into something they're not that get to me.

PoorYorick "Imagine deciding that you hate people in general because you have one clingy friend or you don't like reading about people's careers on a professional networking site. That's just loopy."

that's why I wondered if the OP was using the word "hate" a bit casually - it's easy to do. you know, I hate broccoli. I'm not about to start a campaign of legislation against it so maybe I should change my own words.

That said, if anyone is misanthropic I could see why as well....but that's a whole other topic (unless OP comes back and says she's a misanthrope).

one of my friends visited London from the US recently; his first comment was "being here has reminded me how much I hate people". He meant the crowds, but sometimes we use the wrong words, like on the "people who say they don't have any money" thread.

Yep, as if they think it's their divine duty to change shy people, who clearly have something wrong with them that must be cured.

I don't know who you're referring to, but my friend isn't one of those people. She doesn't try to change anyone. She's just naturally very gregarious and warm. If she senses someone is a bit uneasy, she will make an effort to talk to them and get to know them a bit, and quite often they will end up following her lead, relax and open up a little.

Not every single time - she's not the Pied Piper - but quite often.

I am struck by how many people on this thread are reaching for the nastiest possible motive for any behaviour that they don't understand. One poster sees people talking about their careers on a website dedicated to professional networking, and decides it's because they're all shallow and boastful. Another poster hears about someone who's good at getting shy people to open up, and decides that she must be on mission to 'change' people to her preference. What the actual fuck. What kind of thought processes are these?

I suppose if I were that keen to think of the worst possible reason for everything that didn't appeal to me, I'd hate humanity too. But the only person it would reflect on would be me.

It’s ironic pooryorick. You seem incredibly opposed to the premise of this thread and yet, you come across as quite angry and hostile yourself with many of the posters on it.

crop, I was just thinking similar....minus the biscuit though. Yorick, I feel like you are taking it a bit personally against you or your friends or something...?

Okay... first of all. Perhaps hate was the wrong word. I am one of those "I hate cheese" people to express that I am mildly not fond of cheese.

I wonder ... I didn't grow up here (north east Scotland) ... I grew up in the midlands. When I go home to visit people, I don't feel like this at all. Maybe the people are just different? I find people from my home town more laid back, happy go lucky, easier to have a laugh and relax with. I wonder if there's something to that.

I have been reading about Misanthropy and whilst some of the points are 100% me almost exactly, there were a few that definitely wouldn't describe me.

I also agree that I have been hurt by partners, family, "best friends" etc all in the past and I actually think I'm subconsciously afraid to let anybody close in case they hurt me as well... So I focus on their negative points and push them away? Certainly a lot of food for thought and self reflection needed I think

Your op made me laugh so much. “Oh fuck off” and “nobody cares” go through my mind so many times every day.

@TriHard27

Haha e.g. 6.17am on the group WhatsApp message from a friend ("friend" who was nice as pie to my face at a parry recently, but was texting another friend slagging my dress and hair off but that's another story!) "I've decided I'm going vegetarian again" and the first thought in my head was "Jesus fuck nobody gives a shit if your eating chicken and bacon or not at 6.17 in the morning you buffoon"

But I wonder what everyone else in the group thought when they read it

You can think what you like of me, croprotation. These are my thoughts on the matter. I have to say, though, that I prefer your thought process for disliking me to the one you use to dislike humanity in general, which appears to be....LinkedIn.

A number of posters on here have thought processes which strike me as really quite unnecessarily hateful and negative. They're puzzling to me because I don't think that way. I'm glad I don't, because they don't seem to make people happy.

WomaninGreen, same goes. These are my thoughts, which OP has asked for. You're not obliged to like me for them.

Agree with TriHard too...these are extremely common thoughts. And nobody forms close friendships with everyone they meet. We've all got bands of friendship, with the closest being the fewest. Nobody's got the time to be BFF with everyone they know. It's just that most people (I thought) realise that this is just how it is and it doesn't mean there's anything inherently wrong with the 99% of people you'll never get to know in any depth.

The problem here for OP is that she's NOT happy and she DOES want to form some close friends. If she was happy as she was, there would be no issue (and not thread, presumably). So I'll go right back to what I suggested at the start: you are obviously in the wrong crowd, these aren't your people, so find some sort of activity you enjoy and try meeting people there. No guarantees but you'll have a better chance.

OP, I'm sorry that you've somehow found yourself in with a crowd of backstabbers. You don't have to stay friends with people who bitch about you behind your back. Just ditch them.

Hamandcheesbaguette.....I left facebook, try it...its great. I can totally understand your post and difficulty in finding common ground with people, especially on social media platfroms, but in the outside world too people generally follow a scripted way of life and say and do the same things. inspirational quotes are the worst too LIVE LOVE LAUGH etc.....But if anything treat it all as free comedy.
I have a very small amount of friends now after realising how much i was fitting in with everyone and doing things i didnt want to do in order to have a 'social life'..... i actually prefer my own company and animals over people in general, and embracing it has worked for me. When it comes to finding like minded people, it will be difficult as people who share your thoughts are not going to be available to the same degree as the maority who are happy to stick to 'the script'. Seeing your post has proven that there are other like minded people about. I only just came onto mumsnet today, (even thought I am not a parent) and saw your post, so thats a good start. Honesty is always refreshing.

PoorYorick, I wasn't referring to your friend at all, from your description I expect I would like her a lot if I knew her. Its just something croprotation said about those who try to force shy people out of their shell (not those who have a natural ability to put people at ease) struck a chord. I was a shy child and teenager, and I found it very hurtful when people took it upon themselves to explain to me that there was something wrong with me, and then declared they would change me to be loud and more like them. It was humiliating and it wrecked my self esteem to be told I was fundamentally flawed and not ok the way I was. I think I've strayed well off the original topic now but I can understand how some types of people can give you the rage.

I have found myself disappointed by nearly everyone I've met throughout my life. People are very flawed and I think you either need to be related to them to tolerate it or love them regardless. I was only texting a friend earlier and said "people disappoint me daily." I think partly it's a reflection of me and how I see myself too. I have lots of friends but I hate anyone getting too close because I can't keep up the pleasing facade I put on that's nice and caring. Only a very small number know what I'm really like.

That sounds like a horrid experience, Hername. I'm surprised they were so clumsy about it. 'Changers' don't usually announce their intentions quite that explicitly. Sounds to me as though they were stupid as well as forceful.

I don't know if you'd like my friend. She really isn't for everyone and I do understand why some people find her a bit overbearing or loud. She understands it too. But it's who she is, it works well with her stage persona and shy people do often find that they feel safe with her. I think perhaps they feel she can 'carry' them a bit, if that makes sense. She's hugely about self acceptance so she would never try to 'change' anyone, though I can think of a few occasions where she encouraged self discovery.

I think everyone has some types of person that 'give them the rage', for whatever reason. That's normal. There are, what, six billion people on the planet? None of us are going to get on with all of them. It's just about recognising that people come on different wavelengths and one man's meat is another man's poison.

Also that sometimes you outgrow your friendship group, or realise you were never really part of it to begin with, and it's time to move on. That's ok too.

It's also ok (of course) not to like socialising and prefer to stay at home. Do whatever makes you happy.

It's when one sends out a beam of negativity to humanity in general, based on something as fatuous as a social media feed or one clingy and annoying individual, that I start to think 'the problem may be closer to home than you think'. If one is going to take that attitude, at least ground it in things like war or poverty, ffs.

furb "i actually prefer my own company and animals over people in general, and embracing it has worked for me. When it comes to finding like minded people, it will be difficult as people who share your thoughts are not going to be available to the same degree as the maority who are happy to stick to 'the script'. Seeing your post has proven that there are other like minded people about"

this

I think a poster upthread said about family and a small circle of trusted friends, I'm the same. Everyone else in the family is the gregarious type so it's reassuring when you "meet" people who aren't but of course we're not going to meet them out and about, ha ha!

PoorYorick yeah it was pretty horrid. I think I met this sort of person maybe two or three times - the ones who were explicit about changing me - but thinking about it, they had a massive impact. More than they should have. Huh. Odd. I find I get on well with most extroverts, I love their energy and wish I was more like them. I think we've come to the same conclusion, understand and accept everyone's differences, we're all unique and ultimately just trying to get along in our own way and do our best

OP " I think I met this sort of person maybe two or three times - the ones who were explicit about changing me - but thinking about it, they had a massive impact"

were they really aggressive about it? My mum went to a party the other day, she doesn't get out much now. Someone actually told her "you should have dressed up a lot more" and my mum was quite upset, she was in her nicest dress and jewellery etc and it was quite hard for her to go out (nearly 80 with health problems).

she was asking me about what she'd worn and I had to spend ages reassuring her that it wasn't her, it was that horrible person!

there's something shocking about someone you don't know barging up to you and trying to change something about you, I think. Rare but grim when it happens.

not sure if anyone else is still on this thread
it's been so thought provoking

Like anything, misanthropy will have changed over the years... but one thing I think we are so much more exposed to others. Open plan offices, ever increasing population, social expectations which in some cases reflect on careers and children if you don't participate.

I could have written your post OP- I hear you!

thanks womaningreen,
just noticed your comment where you quoted me. I appreciate your nod to my thoughts.

I agree with your other comment about humans being more exposed to each other now, and it makes me wonder what that does mean in terms of misanthropy.

Over the years there seems to be an increase in the methods in which humans can connect. But has this increased or decreased the quality of relationships, or merely magnified what already was a weak area?

Humans are being both pulled together and pushed apart at the same time in terms of interaction.
It seems that we lack the time to invest in a true meaningful conversation with one another face to face in real time, but have access to one another through social media, where we can skim through each others lives like a newspaper to get the headlines, but not necessarily the true, or full story.

anyway,im babling and want a cuppa tea....

Hi Ham I can relate to your post as I often think along your lines, also you sound exactly like my DH (I'm not secretly married to you am I ??).

From reading most of your thread I think you have given it an unfortunate title that's not quite true. You don't hate people as such but you do have a strong dislike of a lot of human traits, dishonesty, two-facedness, and their inane chit chat in the office or on social media. I too find it teeth grindingly boring to hear people at work saying how they are going to get pissed every weekend and the total drivel that seems to be 99% of social media makes my foot itch. BUT having said that I know it doesn't mean that these people don't have any good qualities. There will be times when they think or talk about something more interesting but they are not as obvious as all the drivel. I doubt I'm ever going to come across someone at work discussing the theory of space, the universe and everything because it's just not as easy to talk about as 'I'm going to the pub on Friday'...

Try not to look for perfection as you will be disappointed, instead try to see any good points in people, however tiny. When you think a negative try and think of a positive too and it might help you to feel less angry.

I'm not sure what to do about finding friends as I too struggle, it just doesn't come easy to some people esp if you are not naturally good at connecting. As other posters have said, shared interests might be the best way to go.

Welcome here Furb you have made a grand entrance with your post , it made a good read.