I don't like people.

[Hamandcheesebaguette]

Does anyone else feel like this?

I do a good job of disguising it but I really don't like people. I only ever seem to able to see their bad points and focus on these... I get annoyed very easily by people.

I scroll thriugh Facebook and think oh fuck off at every post. My friends message inane chit chat in the group chat and I want to scream NOBODY CARES.

I don't know what else to say but I wish I wasn't like this. I wish I could have a group of fabulous friends who I loved and could enjoy and lean on in times of need but I just can't seem to find with anyone.

I don't know what I'm hoping to achieve with this.... anyone have aby similar experience?

Gosh Yorick you sound charming, just the sort of person the OP would like to get to know in real life ha!

Get where you're coming from OP but I don't think you'll get far on this topic here. Too many angry, twatty people ... again!

I don't think I'm better than anyone... I think I'm the weird one who doesn't enjoy partying, or the giggling over a meme about a dildo... or posting my life on Facebook for people to like it... taking selfies so people can comment that "omg hun you look so gorge!"

1. I generally like people BUT I don’t like or do anything on your list

1. There is very much a whiff of superiority in what you have written there wrapped up in humbleness

I do think it is all connected. I often find that those friends of mine who judge others will judge themselves extremely harshly too.

First of all, this impression that you are watching yourself suggests a certain disconnect from your own feelings about yourself. Perhaps you judge your thoughts too harshly or maybe your feelings were rarely acknowledged when you were younger so you struggle to pay attention to them in a way which gives them meaning.

Secondly, your irritation with others seems to be the tip of the iceberg - anger/frustration is often the easiest emotion to feel, when in fact it may be hiding a plethora of other more difficult feelings. There is a brilliant visual analogy from the Gottman Institute called the anger iceberg, which I attached to the post. Next time you feel angry about something someone else has done, you can think about why it triggers this response in you.

Thirdly, this feeling of being weird is something everyone experiences. Why does it make you judge yourself? What is the inner voice which tells you what is to be normal?

OP asked for responses, that's mine. When someone says they 'hate people', they are effectively insulting everyone on the planet, including the ones they've never met. People don't respond well to that, funnily enough. And if that's the attitude that's coming across in social interactions, it's not surprising that it's not resulting in a tight social circle.

Plus I DO find that 'oh people are all such horrible scum, why is there nobody as profound and moral as I am' schtick to be SO adolescent and SO tiresome. I cannot understand the cognitive dissonance that comes from dismissing people one either hasn't met or has never tried to get to know as 'cunts' or 'twats' and then in the next breath lamenting that other people are just too horrible to deal with.

All people are flawed. Most people also have many good points and can find at least a couple of people who are attracted enough to their merits to overlook their flaws, and they do the same in return.

It's interesting that OP says she doesn't like herself very much. That's an unhappy place to be in. I agree with a PP who said her love of people comes from her self acceptance. I do think it's true that if you don't love yourself, you can't love others. So that's a good place to start from.

I repeat: if you want to find people you connect with, do some sort of group activity that you enjoy. The peace of mind you'll get from doing something you like, perhaps something expressive or creative, will also help with feeling better in yourself.

And if you do think that people in general are horrible, at least pretend that you don't while you're trying to get to know a couple of them.

Thirdly, this feeling of being weird is something everyone experiences.

Yes, it is. That's why stories about misfits are so popular. Everyone but everyone relates to it. Even people who you thought would never relate to it will relate to it. Everyone has been in a situation where everyone around them was getting into something, and they themselves were not getting it, and felt odd and disconnected as a result.

Also, just one more thing concerning caring about what others will think/say.

I remember DM once telling me that other people spend no time at all thinking about me. She had this brilliant pie chart showing how an average person divides their time in terms of thinking about others. I doubt she made it herself but I cannot find any reference to it.

DM reckons 91% of our time we think about ourselves and how others relate to us. This does not imply selfishness. You have to think about yourself even when you spend your entire life caring for others, because ultimately you are the carer and the caring actions come from your thoughts and plans for yourself. In relation to your OP, even your own self-confesssed hatred of other people is all about your response to them, not them being inherently irritating.

Then we spend another 8% of our time thinking about those people closest to us - our family, partners, people we are with in a moment.

That leaves just 1% of time for everyone else in the world.

I have no idea how accurate my mum's ideas are, but for me knowing how little my choices matter to other people was truly liberating.

Very interesting posts, OneOrgasmicBirthPlease. Your mother was very wise.

I think hating, or strongly disliking, more or less everyone even if you don't know them must be very tiring. I know that when I'm feeling angry or hateful, I find it very draining. There are one or two people I know whom I dislike very, very strongly, for clear and specific reasons. I rarely have to see them and I avoid thinking about them when I don't have to, because there's no point to it and it just makes me tired and angry.

I cannot imagine having that sort of reaction to people who've never done me any harm at all. People whom I don't know and who don't know me.

100 pc with you on this OP. A large majority of people are deeply irritating, full of shit and massively insincere. FB book is obvious evidence of this but just go on some other forms of social media to see further evidence of this action. Eg LinkedIn where people post inane drivel about their pointless work or try show how clever and successful they are. NOBODY CARES!

You yourself sound rather too pleased with yourself pooryorick

Don't know if it's true but I have heard that what we dislike most in others is what we dislike most in ourselves, so if you can't help notcing other people;s faults, are you very harshly judgemental on yourself too? That can make you feel even more misanthropic.

I just focus on people's positives. Just get into the habit of forgiving people. No one is perfect. Everyone has faults. Most people also have good qualities, or qualities that you really appreciate and value.

Sounds as though you've outgrown your current friendship group. You may not hate people at all. You may just be bored to tears of inane 'I got so pissed' chat. Can't blame you. If you fantasise an ideal friendship group - what are you all doing and chatting about? That might give you an idea of what sort of people you'd like to make an effort to meet.

It helps (I find) not to expect all people to be all things. Some people are great companions just to go running or training with once or twice a week. Others are great mum-friends who are happy to let you bore on about your worries abut DC and they do the same to you. Others are shared passion friends where you get close because you love doing the same sorts of things.

On LinkedIn they definitely care. I got my current job via LinkedIn because someone saw that my CV was relevant for the position they were recruiting for. It's a professional networking site, would be weird if you didn't list your career achievements on it. Nobody has to use it, but if you do, might as well use it properly.

See, if I had that reaction to LinkedIn, I wouldn't take it as evidence that humanity itself is a pit of horror. I would take it as evidence that I am perhaps not the kind of person LinkedIn is aimed at. Nothing wrong with that, but why reach for the ridiculous worst possible reason?

You yourself sound rather too pleased with yourself pooryorick

That's your belief and you're totally entitled to it.

Thank you, Yorick, she still is. For the longest time I was under the impression all mothers were wise, understanding, empathetic and patient.

The wonder of my DM aside, we are all habitual thinkers. We develop patterns of thought which are very difficult to break. I actually think it is quite brave of the OP to examine her misanthropic feelings, because I think you are right - they are horribly draining and quickly become a vicious circle; a negative feedback-loop of sorts, reinforced by confirmation bias.

Yeh but guys, what if the OP is actually right and most people are very irritating?

The wonder of my DM aside, we are all habitual thinkers. We develop patterns of thought which are very difficult to break.

Ooh, this is right on! I learned this when I had cognitive behavioural therapy. It was a revelation to discover that actually, thought patterns (is that the term?) are habits and like all habits, they can be broken. It's not easy, of course, but it definitely is possible. I spent a long time thinking that I could help what I did, but not what I felt or thought. With CBT, I discovered that I do actually have more control than I realised.

It's very hard at times, of course, but so is breaking any habit! And the more you do it, the easier it gets.

I actually think it is quite brave of the OP to examine her misanthropic feelings

Yes, I guess it is.

croprotationinthe13thcentury, perhaps. I've considered this once or twice, as I too parented toddlers. However, I find that misanthropy does nothing for my wellbeing, so what would be the upshot of believing the worse in people?

Yeh but guys, what if the OP is actually right and most people are very irritating?

If everywhere you go, in every circle in every place, everyone is annoying, you might consider what the common denominator is.

I dont say everyone PY, I said most.

If you don't like people, I find it ironic that you should use social media to seek an opinion from.....well, PEOPLE! Presumably, following your own logic, you won't like what you're going to hear!! 😂😂😂😂

Get a cat! My cat hates people. He looks at people through narrowed eyes most of the time. You'd have a lot in common!

I dont say everyone PY, I said most.

Eh heh heh heh.

Well I guess it depends. If you've got the friends you want, however few or many, and you're happy, no problem. If you've got no friends but you're happy, no problem. If your worldview is as binary as 'people I'm close to' and 'people who irritate the shit out of me', and there's no space for 'people who seem all right, I don't really know them', then again, I'd look at the common denominator.

I really don't think hating people on sight is anything to be proud of and I really don't believe it's a sign of a higher being - or, indeed, a happy one.

Bugger, hit 'post' too soon. I meant to add:

It's worth remembering that relationships take time and energy and nobody is extremely close to loads of people. Even outgoing, extroverted and gregarious people will only be very very close to a small number, even if they get on well with many others.

Ultimately we want to be happy. When I see someone declaring that everyone they meet is a cunt or a twat, I don't see a happy person. Or if you are happy, great, but I still don't want to be you.

🤔

i'm not a people fan either but i think you should quit Facebook as it sounds like its increasing the problem