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Original poster

how often you you and you DP have sex/make love?

101 replies

shinypeople · 13/05/2007 15:26

My poor husband is feeling unloved as he always has to initiate sex between us.

He was even talking about us splitting up.

We have 3 children (8,6 and 3) and i feel permanently exhausted. Sex is the last thing on my mind.

I work part time (22 hours a week) in a low paid (but very rewarding job) and when i get home, I have to make lunch and then tidy the house before picking up big 2 from school.

Hubby works from home although work is very quiet and he looks after our 3 year old (who is also at preschool 3 mornings).

We only manage once a week and that is only because DH puts in the effort! Just wondering what the "norm" is?

OP posts:
McDreamy · 13/05/2007 15:28

We have had this issue recently. DH wanted sex I was far too tired too even think about it let alone feel in the mood.

IdrisTheDragon · 13/05/2007 15:30

We probably average a few times a month.

helbel3 · 13/05/2007 15:30

i think this is part of having kids im afraid, neearly all my friends have this dilema. I also have three children, 6 4 and 2. So i feel the same as you. Men are like kids and need attention so perhaps a nice night for you both once a week or surprise him one night might work a treat

McDreamy · 13/05/2007 15:30

We tried giving it up completely making it so no go that we would both be gagging for it, DH was I just was not bothered.

Now we are really trying to make time for each other, going out or cooking a special meal together in order to relight the romance which will in turn lead to sex.

In amongst all that we have also decided to go for number 3 so I'm going to have to have sex at some point!!!!

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 13/05/2007 15:31

There seem to be a lot of people of the shiny variety around here all the time.. I am feeling quite IRKED... AM I BEING UNREASONABLE?????

(We do it 9 times a day btw)

greenday · 13/05/2007 15:35

I haven't had sex since I got pregnant in Dec. And I probably won't want to have it for about 3 - 6 mths after I give birth.

Can't be bothered to do the calculations here but I suspect its a loooong time.

Pregnancy aside, our norm has been about average of once every 1.5 mths. My friends and I have had this discussion before and for one of them, the norm is twice a week. I definitely couldn't keep up with that.

PinkTulips · 13/05/2007 15:36

was baout once a month since i got pregnat with dd (history of mc so was afraid, then in the middle i just wasn't interested and towards the end dp gets freaked out by the bump .

when we had her i was constasntly tired and as ahe was a terrible sleeper (colic and reflux so non existant sleeper more like) i found it very difficult to relax and enjoy sex as i was constantly expecting her to wake.... the first time i really relaxed and enjoyed sex post dd was at 9 months and i got pregnant with ds so the whole cycle started again!

he's 9 months now and i'm feeling a bit better about myself and more in the mood. dd goes to playschool 3 mornings a week so if ds goes down for a nap we get some action, although ds has moved out of our bedroom this weeks so things might be getting even better

still can't see me being in the mood more than ponce a week though.... sex always seems like such a waste of quality relaxing time these days

JARM · 13/05/2007 15:38

I am 11 weeks pregnant and we have had sex 4 times in that time.

Usually once a fortnight

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 13/05/2007 15:39

(JARM, are you going to have to have a new name aren't you.. )

Ally90 · 13/05/2007 16:54

Shinyhappypeople...9 TIMES A DAY!??!?!

really?

Crikey...

Did not realise it possible...have you spoken to Guiness Book of Records...hmmm maybe not...what with the people they send round for verification...

Oh and Shiny... 2 to 5 times a week but we only have one dd and she's sleeping well at mo and I am a sahm. Sorry about your problems with dh...very hard for you.

xxxx

allgonebellyup · 13/05/2007 16:58

er, used to be about once every 3 months..

but now gone our different ways..

Flamesparrow · 13/05/2007 16:59

Not enough

(Sorry - ovulating and get a bit carried away

We vary from once a month to daily.

Marne · 13/05/2007 17:15

twice a month not enough for dh, he would like it evry day

JARM · 13/05/2007 17:23

Shiny - yes - but no idea what! I like JARM but i cant add in another A and first letter - it will be odd!

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 13/05/2007 17:52

PMSL I was being facetious about 9 times a day!!! As if!!

LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 13/05/2007 17:52

every day twice a day

Ally90 · 13/05/2007 18:08

Well I was going to make a comment about calluses...

MaureenMLove · 13/05/2007 18:14

We do 'it' at least 3 times a week! Someone please tell my dh thats too much!!!

Gingermonkey · 13/05/2007 18:25

I really love spending time with my DH and we don't go to sleep without a snog, which usually leads to more so we do have sex most nights and sometimes mornings too (if we wake up before DC or can sneak a quickie in when DD is in the shower and DS is wandering about the house looking for a football). It makes me feel wanted, sexy, attractive and not just a mum - but you do need to work at it, the more you have it the more you want. It's the same with exercise, if you do more you feel less tired, it'll actually boost you up a bit shinypeople.

onefootinthegravy · 13/05/2007 18:32

I agree with ginger, we average 3 times or so a week but it is true even when knackered I am always glad I did, always feel less stressed and more loved afterwards. Always sleep sooooo much better too, better for you than Nitol !

SuGaRCoAteDPoiSOn · 13/05/2007 18:37

it varies with us from once a month to once a day.. depends how we're both feeling and if things in our relationship are going smoothly or not - atm it's about every other night

Flamesparrow · 13/05/2007 18:46

Yup - it does definately go the more you have the more you want, and the better you feel for it.

My increased sex drive this week has also made me want to exercise (or the other way round). It is very disturbing.

ChasingSquirrels · 13/05/2007 18:52

on average? - well somewhere between once a fortnight (or month) and 2-3 times a week.
My libido is MUCH lower than his and it has (and does) cause problems in our relationship. I do make an effort as I know how he feels about it, although I know he doesn't like that I have to make an effort, and his ideal is probably every day(or more).

chacha3 · 13/05/2007 19:03

about twice a week but thats not enough for my partner but he is very understanding! got three girls one is disabled so i have my work cut out plus i work part time so most nights just wanna put feet up and watch tv or read a book!!!

Gingermonkey · 13/05/2007 19:04

Apparently most women have a lower libido - probably goes back to animal instinct and men needing to sow their seeds! A lot of foreplay helps too, not just the act itself, if you spend time (and it doesn't have to be long!) just kissing, stroking, some mouth love and stuff like that you feel more wanted and less like a piece of meat. I have known lots of marriages goes tits up because of a lack of sex (because it's also a lack of love, that's why it's called making love).