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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My sister got pregnant on purpose

123 replies

alexandermark · 15/04/2018 22:50

My sister got pregnant on purpose, she said she was on the pill when she wasn't and now has a beautiful baby but the dad doesn't know it wasn't an accident. They aren't together because he didn't want her to keep it but it's amicable. Should she/I tell him what really happened or is it not worth the heartache when they have a gorgeous baby now (even though he doesn't visit them much). She said she doesn't feel guilty because she loves her child so much but I feel a bit uncomfortable keeping it from him. I see her point about not telling him though, as it wouldn't change anything and make an amicable relationship potentially really volatile which would be worse for their child

OP posts:
FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 16/04/2018 18:38

frankly Sandy if your friend thinks that that is necessary, unexpected fatherhood is the least of his problems.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 16/04/2018 18:39

" men! be careful of those evil bitches who just want to get your hands on your precious seed! they will go to any lengths..
Run, shout, hide!
the best thing you can do is give yourself a blowjob and swallow it all yourself, it's the only way to stop them "

Vexatious · 16/04/2018 18:40

Unless you're like a male friend of mine who always uses condoms and takes them out to the bin on the back garden...

Blokes like this have the sperm you would very much want to avoid. Does he stand out at the bins with his tinfoil hat on?

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 16/04/2018 18:45

Unless you're like a male friend of mine who always uses condoms and takes them out to the bin on the back garden... because it's not unheard of for the sperm in the condom to be used in this way too.

Men need to wisen up to this. Or get smarter about the type of women who would pull this kind of stunt

Hey woman hater, aside from needing to find some decent people to be friends with you also should be introduced to the balance of probabilities. Situations like this are so fantastically rare that your poor little pal should equally worry about a woman gouging his eyes out in his sleep cos, ya know, it probably happened to someone once.

Fuck me I hope none of these kinds of people have jobs with responsibilities, what with being so incredibly and profoundly stupid.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 16/04/2018 18:47

I actually can believe that men would do that too. Shouldn't flatter themselves, I'd rather bear surprise offspring with a turnip than someone so fucked in the head they think random women want to steal their precious precious spunk 😂

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 16/04/2018 18:50

can you imagine him slipping the fully seeded condom off his tiny dick, and rushing to the back garden bins with it? who said romance was dead?
" Darling? darling? was it good for you too? where are youuuuuu?"

Lweji · 16/04/2018 18:53

On the non trust issue, women have the most to lose by getting pregnant. And considering the number of men who refuse to use condoms, and rape women, I'd say that the don't trust balance leans towards men.
I'm surprised women still trust men enough to allow them in their beds.

ChickenMom · 16/04/2018 18:54

Stay out of it. Not your business

Vexatious · 16/04/2018 18:54

can you imagine him slipping the fully seeded condom off his tiny dick, and rushing to the back garden bins with it? who said romance was dead?

Flaccid willy dappled in the silvery moonlight.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 16/04/2018 18:55

" Flaccid willy dappled in the silvery moonlight. " Grin oooh you're so poetic...

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 16/04/2018 18:57

Quite Lweji. But rape must be ignored for the 2 or 3 menz who didnt maybe got their sperm stolen.

BTW word of advice to all men, please pass his on to your buddy Sandy - if you don't want to get a woman pregnant, and in fact are so paranoid about it you chuck your condoms in the wheelie bin, then perhaps it's best you abstain 😱😱

I know the thought of a man not getting his dick wet is quite a horrifying one, but really people this unhinged shouldn't be allowed to bring sexual partners into their warped paranoia

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 16/04/2018 18:59

Why stop there? Wait until the child is a bit older and tell them their father wanted them aborted? I mean, seeming you are so moral and want everyone to know the truth regarding this pregnancy.

Seriously OP, you sound vindictive AF.

What do you want the outcome to be if you told the father the truth? What do you want to get out of this?

Pinkvoid · 16/04/2018 19:02

This has fuck all to do with you... it’s not your life nor your relationship. Why are you looking to actively lose the relationship with your sister and niece/nephew? How bizarre! Just leave this bombshell where it belongs, in the past... p.s if he was so against having children, he could’ve used condoms.

seedsofchocolate · 16/04/2018 19:14

Are you jealous of your sister? Because you don't sound like you even like her.

Firstly, It's none of your business - your loyalty should be with your sister, and secondly, if a man is so against accidental pregnancy then he needs to tool up.

Be kind and supportive, as you are coming across as vindicate and nasty.

Addictedtohavingbabies · 16/04/2018 19:20

What do you expect will happen if you tell the truth? And it's not your lie to live with. I'm sure he wouldn't regret his child. Get a life before you try and ruin someone else's. Pathetic.

Desmondo2016 · 16/04/2018 21:48

Seriously glad you're not my sister!

peanut2017 · 16/04/2018 22:01

It's none of your business OP

SVRT19674 · 16/04/2018 22:03

The mother can forfeit anything you like, the child doesn't. He is the one who has the right to be supported by his parents. And quite frankly, if a guy is super worried about his fertility, he slaps on a condom and takes control. The rest is flimflam.

Chippyway · 16/04/2018 22:39

I think this happens way more than people think

“Oops the pill must’ve stopped working” “I have no idea how I’ve fallen pregnant!”

No you absolutely should not tell him. Why on earth would you?! She is your sister!!! Are you jealous? I can’t imagine why it would even enter your brain to tell him the truth.

Yes she should never have lied and did what she did. But if he absolutely didn’t want a baby he should’ve used a condom as well. He would’ve known the pill isn’t 100% safe. He took a risk.

SandyY2K · 16/04/2018 23:51

The OPs sister is not unique in deliberately getting pregnant. She isn't the first and won't be the last woman to do it.

I've seen MN members confess they've done it too....some within marriage and some outside of marriage.

There have been a couple wof threads on it recently...so while I thought my friend was rather extreme in his actions ... when all you want is sex (along with other aspects of the relationship) ....18 years (minimum) of child support is a high price to pay.

Not only do women have control of conception...they have control of going through with a pregnancy (as they should) ... so if a man does not wish to be a father at that point in time...then trusting a woman who says she's on the pill or any other form of contraception clearly isn't enough. You're effectively handing her the decision on whether you become a father or not.

It's best to wear a condom and ditch the contents permanently. Flushing them is easy enough.

Those balance of probabilities aren't that rare... and seeing as lots of people here are saying if he (OPs sister's BF) didn't want a kid he should have worn a condom....then why just stop at chucking in the bedroom/bathroom bin when a woman hellbent on getting pregnant will stop at nothing and retrieve it if she wants to.

I'm know this has been said on similar threads ...but imagine if a man told you he was wearing a condom...then slipped it off when you weren't looking... There'd be pps shouting this was rape..because that's not the terms on which consent was given.

Now reverse is the case here..it's just "If he didn't want a baby he should have worn a condom"

Where's the equity?

The pendulum doesn't only swing in one direction.

Fabulouslyrich · 16/04/2018 23:58

Wow your sister is a nasty piece of work, to fall pregnant on purpose. As self-centered as she is, you need to stay out of it.

ferando81 · 17/04/2018 00:00

Your sister is extremely devious and probably told him she was on the pill.Of course she is given a get of jail card (he should have worn a condom)by the sisterhood .
The truth is he's probably guessed the truth

Eatmycheese · 17/04/2018 00:03

Two things.

Firstly you are off your cake if you genuinely consider that “grassing up”’your sister (your SISTER) is in any way in holy hell’s name a good idea. Or you are just a horrendous, vindictive horrormongering shit. Neither are good. And if you are doing it because you have a thing about him that’s even more fucked up.

Get your own life and your own shit to sort.

Secondly
I have an enduringly hideous mental image of a mediocre, postcoital bloke staggering downstairs to a wheelie bin with a used Johnny in his hands. The worst thing is it’s broad daylight.

Eatmycheese · 17/04/2018 00:06

If a man doesn’t want any a baby he should either wear condoms or have the snip. Or not make assumptions. Or believe all these “devious” women. Poor little lambs.

It takes two to tango.

Condom to the bin man had the right idea Wink

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 17/04/2018 00:24

The OPs sister is not unique in deliberately getting pregnant. She isn't the first and won't be the last woman to do it.

No shit, Sherlock. I imagine most pregnancies are wanted or 'deliberate'. I reckon about 95% of MN pregnancies were planned. Why do you say this like it's a bad thing?

I've seen MN members confess they've done it too....some within marriage and some outside of marriage

god, don't these bitches know accidental pregnancies are the way to go?

when all you want is sex (along with other aspects of the relationship) ....18 years (minimum) of child support is a high price to pay.

I'd seriously question the intelligence and also the moral fibre of someone who thought like this. With sex ALWAYS comes a risk of pregnancy, unless the woman has had a hysterectomy. See my previous point about abstinence. Also, maybe your friend could actually get to know a woman and find out if she's compatible with him and his views/ideals on parenthood, or discovering she'd make a good mother to his offspring should she get pregnant, before having sex with her. Again, pass the smelling salts, because I know it's a horrifying thought of a man getting to know someone before sticking his dick in her, bet there you go

so if a man does not wish to be a father at that point in time...then trusting a woman who says she's on the pill or any other form of contraception clearly isn't enough. You're effectively handing her the decision on whether you become a father or not.

Look, in this country it's perfectly well known that if a woman gets pregnant she decides the outcome of the pregnancy and the man has no say. So with that in mind men who don't want babies have one of three options -

  1. Abstinence
  2. Taking responsibility for heir own contraception whilst accepting there's a very small chance a pregnancy may still happen
  3. Find a partner who shares the same views on pregnancy and what you'd do about it, and be responsible with her.

It's not hard FFS

It's best to wear a condom and ditch the contents permanently. Flushing them is easy enough

Why is this best? Seriously, no one wants your mate's spunk

Those balance of probabilities aren't that rare.

Evidence? Like a PP said - let's assume all men are rapists because a lot of them do rape. Far more than women who 'steal sperm'. So surely women should assume all men are going to rape them, no?

but imagine if a man told you he was wearing a condom...then slipped it off when you weren't looking... There'd be pps shouting this was rape..because that's not the terms on which consent was given.

Well yes I would personally call that rape if a man slipped a condom off. However, Not taking the contraceptive pill after sex occurs does not involve violating another person's body. Jesus what a misogynistic comparison, kudos for minimising rape 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼