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Original poster

My sister got pregnant on purpose

123 replies

alexandermark · 15/04/2018 22:50

My sister got pregnant on purpose, she said she was on the pill when she wasn't and now has a beautiful baby but the dad doesn't know it wasn't an accident. They aren't together because he didn't want her to keep it but it's amicable. Should she/I tell him what really happened or is it not worth the heartache when they have a gorgeous baby now (even though he doesn't visit them much). She said she doesn't feel guilty because she loves her child so much but I feel a bit uncomfortable keeping it from him. I see her point about not telling him though, as it wouldn't change anything and make an amicable relationship potentially really volatile which would be worse for their child

OP posts:
londonrach · 15/04/2018 23:23

What do hope to gain by saying this? To prove to your sister that you a nasty horrible sister or the father. Do you want to be with the father. You dont sound nice. Must be made up as no one can be this nasty

Original poster
alexandermark · 15/04/2018 23:24

Whoa chill out guys, I actually said she/I. As in should I encourage HER to tell him not me, jeez. Could you live with a lie like that?!

OP posts:
privateporcupine · 15/04/2018 23:28

If it was her lie and not mine, then yes, I could. Easily. Her business, not mine.

Unless, as someone said, it was causing him stress. I’d feel bad about that, but never bad enough to tell him. And if he’s an involved father, that’s because he wants to be, so I’m sure he’d pick the baby every time.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 15/04/2018 23:29

So your niece/nephew’s dad pisses off never to be seen again? Who do you think will suffer most in that scenario? And why is it your business to be the one to deliver this news?

Stephthegreat · 15/04/2018 23:30

I would let it go,although what she did wasn’t right the child is most important now.Let the past go.

CadyHeron · 15/04/2018 23:31

That is something I would stay WELL out of.
If she did indeed, then I agree that is awful. What good would come of telling him,though?
Absolutely nothing to do with you, sorry.

yorkshireyummymummy · 15/04/2018 23:35

With a sister like you she doesn’t need enemy’s to want to cause trouble in her life.

The only person in this situation who needs the truth telling to them is your sister. She needs warning about you.

DaisysStew · 15/04/2018 23:35

Who are you then - Jiminy Cricket? Not your place to say anything or encourage your sister to, you don’t get to set people’s moral compass for them.

She’s just had a baby, stop trying to piss on her parade and ruin things - because that’s how it’s coming across, not as genuine concern.

ButchyRestingFace · 15/04/2018 23:37

The only reason I would tell him is if paying the maintenance/ seeing the child is really affecting yours sisters ex’s mental health/financial situation to a point he is facing major hardship as he feels a duty towards this child (not excusing men who choose not to pay/see the child but this is a baby born out of false pretences)

He's liable for maintenance however the child was conceived. No good can come of interfering here.

I do think though that OP should tell her sister to stop confiding in her about any morally iffy things she gets up to, then OP won't have to experience the torments of hell agonising over whether or not to drop her sister in the shit.

makeitalargegin · 15/04/2018 23:40

You say about 'living with a lie' but it's actually not your life to live with? Hmm

It's your sisters lie, and it's certainly not your place to inform the dad of this.

Be a good sister and don't say a thing

EveningHare · 15/04/2018 23:43

it has nothing to do with you, what are you hoping will happen?

You/She tells him... then what happens in your mind??

Meeep · 15/04/2018 23:44

You are not coming across very well.

WeAllHaveWings · 15/04/2018 23:57

Whoa chill out guys, I actually said she/I. As in should I encourage HER to tell him not me, jeez. Could you live with a lie like that?!

Still none of your business, not your life/lie, and you still arent being honest with yourself why you would even consider this.

ButchyRestingFace · 16/04/2018 00:05

As in should I encourage HER to tell him not me, jeez. Could you live with a lie like that?!

Sure, I imagine a lot of people could. Apparently your sister could. So. keep. your. beak. out.

coffeeX10 · 16/04/2018 00:10

Wow. She is your sister, your loyalty is with her, stop trying to stir up shit!

userxx · 16/04/2018 00:10

Stay out of it. I knew someone who did this, lost all respect for her. The relationship didn't work out between them and she hardly knew him as she was flushing her pill down the toilet. Such a shame he didn't have kids with someone he actually wanted to.

IAmWonkoTheSane · 16/04/2018 00:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PerspicaciaTick · 16/04/2018 00:31

I wouldn't tell him.
My relationship with my sister would be irretrievably damaged, knowing she could be so manipulative and deceitful. I would find it very hard to be around her or support her in future.
But no, I wouldn't tell him.

kungpopanda · 16/04/2018 00:31

stop referring to your niece/nephew as 'it'
The OP didn't do that as far as I can see.

Yeah, OP, go on, tell him. Think of the fun to be had sitting on the sidelines watching and of all the benefits it will bring to everyone involved. Not.

Italiangreyhound · 16/04/2018 00:34

Why would you tell him? what are you hoping to achieve?

Here is what you will most likely achieve...

you will piss your sister off massively and may lead her to completely cut you out of her life
you will upset a relationship between two people who are attempting to parent, even if that means the mum is doing the lioness share
you may damage irrevocably the relationship between your niece and her dad.

Your sister had sex with a man and ended up pregnant and now is raising that child. Keep your beak out of it and if you do tell, prepare to be cut out of their lives.

Vexatious · 16/04/2018 00:34

And you think this is any of your business because why exactly? He has little to do with the child so I'm totally baffled why you feel like this 'lie' is weighing so heavily on you. Your sister is doing all the heavy lifting.

Do a jigsaw. A 5000 piece one. that might keep you occupied.

Italiangreyhound · 16/04/2018 00:34

"As in should I encourage HER to tell him not me..." Just leave your sister to it.

Mamabear4180 · 16/04/2018 00:40

I can't believe you would even think this is something to get involved in. She's your sister ffs and she's just had a baby Sad she says she doesn't feel guilty so why does it matter whether we would in that situation or not? Nobody else's opinion on her decision matters and the deed is already done. To even suggest it is pretty shocking. It's none of your business.

SD1978 · 16/04/2018 00:41

Nope. Your sister chose to lie about contraception- he chose to take no responsibility and accept she was telling the truth. He had ample opportunity to ensure no pregnancy and chose not to. I don’t see where it matters. She had a child, as does he. He chooses not to be involved much, your sister is happy. I’m failing to see where anyone ‘needs’ to be told anything. He had equal responsibility, in what sounds like a casual relationship to put on a condom. He didn’t. They had a baby. Story done. Her recklessness is only 50% responsible.

NellythePink · 16/04/2018 00:41

Why on earth? Apart from to be a shit stirrer...?