One piece of advice ...

[Catmatrat]

If you could give someone starting out a new relationship one piece of advice what would it be?

Don't pursue a relationship that doesn't make your life better.

Never accept anything once that you're not prepared to accept for the rest of your time together. ( be clear about your boundaries and how you expect to be treated.)

Do not give up your own separate life!!! Combined with keep your hand in employment wise even with kids and a few hours if no more is possible

Definetely listen to your gut instinct, it's there to protect you, if you're with someone and something just doesn't feel right, but you can't put your finger on it, then end it.

What if kindness, reliability, friends and laughter are there but the sex is lacking?

@SandAndSea,pick your own battles... I'm genuinely curious what this means?

This says it all

Don't tolerate anything that you're not willing to tolerate for ever.

If he says "My ex was crazy" , run. No decent man would use 'pity attention' as a premise for starting a relationship. You'll be the next 'craxy ex' in line if you ever get fed up of his blamer ways

If you don't respect him - forget it.
Pick your battles - toilet seat, tooth paste lid, no biggy.
Doesn't do his share of child care / house work - read him the riot act. Lol.

What if kindness, reliability, friends and laughter are there but the sex is lacking?

All you have to decide is whether good sex mattersto you or not/whether you can deal with crap sex for years and years. & be very honest about your decision to yourself

Don't marry a mean man or a jealous man.

Kindness is the most underrated virtue. People who live with kind people are happy.

This is exactly what I was going to say

Be kind to each other

x post

Expect your partner to match your efforts. If they don’t behave as you believe is fair, ditch them rather than being ducked into overcompensating with your efforts.

@Bexter801 - 'Pick your battles' means you don't have to complain or take issue with every little thing he does that's different to how you would do it. It means prioritising harmony and saving the rows (or possibility of a row) for the important things.

@SandAndSea I love it,something I definitely can learn from.

Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, it is. And don't be pressured into anything you're even slightly uncomfortable with. God I wish I could go back 20 years and tell myself those things.

Look at how he treats someone he doesn't like. Because there will be times when that's you.

You cannot change a person. Don't even try.

Believe what he does, not what he says.

Look at how he treats someone he doesn't like. Because there will be times when that's you

This and know how he is with his mum, family and friends.
If he is distant with his mum, and can't talk about it, be cautious as it could signal attachment issues, which he will replicate with you.

"Don't have sex with anyone who won't use a condom or gets funny about this in any way.* This one.

Divorced ex h for other reasons but this did bug our relationship.

And yes, even after 10 years of marriage, the way he treated his mum really irked me.

don't look for the man you can live with, look for the man you can't live without.