One piece of advice ...

[Catmatrat]

If you could give someone starting out a new relationship one piece of advice what would it be?

If he doesn't see his kids run for the hills

Go more on actions than the words they say to you.

If you feel it's a lot of effort (especially from the beginning), then they're just not that interested.

Look at how he treats you and not what he says

Don't give any second chances. If he didn't care enough not to mess you around the first time, he'll not think twice about doing it again.

Don't settle or hope it will get better. It shouldn't be hard work. Take a zero tolerance approach to any form of mind games, fuckwittery or disrespect. Life's too short.

Actions speak louder than words.

About the "Look for how he treats his mother and waiting staff", that doesn't always ring true. My STBEXH is Mr Nice guy in public, is so polite and jokey with waiting staff and adores his mother, but behind closed door he is abusive and lazy. Just cuz he's nice to the waiter in restaurant doesn't mean he's a keeper, just saying .

If he talks poorly about his former girlfriends; the problem was him, not them.

Don't marry a mean man or a jealous man.

Kindness is the most underrated virtue. People who live with kind people are happy.

Sex can be an enormously helpful part of a relationship.

Relationship shouldn't be hard work. They should make you feel better. Life is sometimes hard work but your significant other should be shoulder to shoulder with you when dealing with it.

Think about what you truly want and need out of a relationship. Does this person fit in line with this or are you just viewing him/her with rose tinted glasses on?

If you have to work at it, it's not worth it.

He should be excited and really keen to see you.

Keep your own friends. Don’t let relationship get in the way of friendships.

That 'I love him' isn't a valid reason for staying in an abusive relationship. You will love someone new in the future, even more deeply!

Watch how he treats waiting staff.

If he isn’t spontaneous and fun at the start, it will only get worse.

If he is rubbish with money, he won’t change.

If he is sulky, run!

He should be excited and really keen to see you.

I agree but I think any young woman should also be told that SHE should also be excited and really keen to see him and his engagement with her does not obligate her in any way to return his affections.

I have had so many friends etc over the years say things like "he told me no one would ever love me like him" or similar. They weren't abusive men but the point is what does the woman herself feel - not what obligation she feels towards the man's emotions and feelings about her.

Be sober sometimes

Agree with, chose someone who you would be friends outside of a relationship

It's only a man. Don't degrade yourself.

Never ever intertwine finances. Your money is your own. Your wage is your own. Anything joint is equal and equally owned/named.

I agree with Fritz - no second chances and don't put up with any crap. Leave at the first sign of trouble.

Don't get pregnant till you have lived together for 2 years.

No matter how nice and kind he is, if he says he's shy about sex and intimacy and makes no real attempt to change that, run for the hills. Unless you're asexual, in which case he's probably a keeper.

The way he treats you the first three months is the best he will ever treat you so if there are behavior issues and compatibility issues consider the friendzone so you don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy.