One piece of advice ...

[Catmatrat]

If you could give someone starting out a new relationship one piece of advice what would it be?

You will change and he will change too so don't make decisions only on today's parameters but also based on the future you and future him.

Work out what's a deal breaker now

“He should be excited and really keen to see you.

I agree but I think any young woman should also be told that SHE should also be excited and really keen to see him and his engagement with her does not obligate her in any way to return his affections.”

Oh, absolutely. I was just thinking of the women on here and in rl I have seen hanging around doing the “will he ring/won’t he ring” thing........

You can't fix him

Look how kind he is. If you're not feeling well or hadn't a bad day, how does he treat you? If you're looking for a life partner, can you imagine him being there for you if you were sick or getting older. Patience too. A friend once said to me if you can imagine being ok wiping their bum if they needed it, then it's a a good sign. Also how do they deal with stress........

Smell his underarm. If it doesn’t give you butterflies he’s not a keeper.

Anne I love this!

Mine would be make time for each other. - put down your phone when he walks in the room, living separate lives on the sofa next to each other isn't a partnership. We are all constantly making 'bids' for the other person's attention and each time you respond positively to a bid you are strengthening the relationship. It's one of the things I really appreciate about my DP (along with the smell of his armpits )

I LOVE the armpit one. Someone once told me that if you’re attracted to each other’s ‘natural smell’ it makes something to do with being biologically compatible/making babies xx

Hmm. I prefer men’s armpits to smell of Floris Elite personally.
I’ll add “dump anyone who doesn’t think washing is important” to my list........

The armpit one brought a tear to my eye. In a previous relationship, I adored the man including his natural scent. It was so unique to him and when I think about him I can imagine it and I still miss it. I have never felt that about anyone ever since. Thing is though he was a player and used me as a ego boost. Said he could never have a serious relationship with anyone but was dating and sleeping with other women. Therefore the armpit one is sweet when love is returned but it doesn’t mean they are a nice person.

Do you feel you are your very best self when you are with him? That along with the armpit test.

Nah. Scrap the armpit test.

Never ever intertwine finances. Your money is your own. Your wage is your own. Anything joint is equal and equally owned/named.

This

And remember the only person responsible for you being happy is you

IF you have children always put them first.

Look at his family, note their characteristics and what you don’t particularly like about them. He will be very similar to them at his core though it may not be apparent for some time.

If he doesn't clean the loo before you're together, he won't do it when you are. (Ditto the fridge, oven, etc etc.)

Don't have sex with anyone who won't use a condom or gets funny about this in any way.

Meet his family and check out the dynamics. Make sure it's going to suit you. If his mother/sister etc is weird in any way, can he see it and can he say no to them easily? Make sure there are healthy boundaries - not just in his head but actually in place. Don't underestimate how enormous their influence will be on your life together.

Don't waste time with the wrong men. When you realise they're not for you, end it quickly and move on. You don't get the time back.

Don't walk in front of me
I may not follow
Don't walk behind me
I may not lead
Just walk beside me
and be my friend

Can you be yourself with him?

Be aware f he wants to move fast (wants to move in fast, quick engagement, wants to get you pregnant fast) remember that these are often (not always) red flags of an abusive man trying to tie you down

Check his reaction when you say no to sex

Marry a man you would be happy for your son to grow up and be like.

When a man tells you who he is, listen.

Don't change your whole life for him(fit things in around both your lives) Don't start obsessing,over ex's,texts,etc. See how he reacts,when/if your ill. Love the armpits one,aren't we as humans,meant to meet our 'one' through our natural scent

Be kind to each other. Actively, cup of tea in bed / I’ll go and lock the front door because you look comfy on the sofa kind. It’s these little things, if you both give and receive, that make the long years together feel good.

Be a team.

I’ve just realised it sound like I lock my dh in. I meant last thing at night when going to lock up is a chore!

Echoing 'be kind'.
Also, laugh together.
Give each other space to do your own hobbies etc.
And, be each other's best friend.

Pick your battles.

Someone told me this years ago and I've found it very useful.

Spot little things like temper, or controlling behaviour.

Everyone is on their best behaviour at the beginning, don’t believe it!