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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dry Babes Just Starting

161 replies

babycow38 · 11/04/2018 01:03

Hello, I'm wanting to start to put the booze on the back burner, start to live life without it, I've perhaps like you posted on the Brave Battle Bus but because they have been going so long felt a bit "not in the club" so am starting our own stay sober thread, absolutely nothing wrong with Brave Battles just think I needed a brand new place to start with women who have lurked and have felt overwhelmed.
This thread is for you if you feel you are drinking too much, too wrong, or just don't like how you are with the drink.
Let's have an honest, non judgemental place here x

OP posts:
jayho · 14/04/2018 19:28

can I join too. My life is in the toilet at the mo and self medicating which I am fully aware is making things worse but don't seem to be able to stop.

littlepill · 14/04/2018 19:33

Checking in. No alcohol at all today!

I could have had some at lunch and had early dinner, had company but decided not to. Told them none for me, and we discussed the recent news article about wine shaving x years off your life...

Have just finished mint tea. Am exhausted. Early night for me.

How is everyone else getting on?

I like the idea of driving to social events, Belindabelle. That always helps me, you can still have one glass, and savour it.

Ciderwithbuda I was a mess. I do think he plied me... we discussed it a bit as he tried to write it as "It was a lovely evening x" but it really bloody wasn't! Doubt I will hear from him again, although I did articulate his treatment of women me and made things clear. I do not want to repeat this experience. I went on a 'safe' date last night to rewrite the experience, as it left a bitter taste...

littlepill · 14/04/2018 19:34

Wfrances and Jayho Welcome. I have been where you are, this week. Self-medicating, destroying self. Bad bad bad. My arms are all flabby and I barely recognise myself. Hoping to stop this week.

pullonyourjudgypants · 14/04/2018 19:45

I stopped after drinking red wine every night for a few years. I found I had to have it especially after work. Was using it to chill as stressful job. It was affecting my sleep, teeth and I was struggling to get up for work ( and was always running late) I found initially having a treat like posh lemonade or squash with ice cubes and lemon slices in it in a wine glass helped me stop. Or some chocolate while I cooked. I think my body was used to having the sugar of wine and flavour I needed something to replace it. It was my treat as I used to be very strict on my diet.

I have relaxed my eating now and only drink on special occasions out. Plus I’m a mum now.

Drinking will always be an issue though, as still find it very hard to have just one wine Blush Old habits.

I always regret even occasional drinking in the morning, headache, hot broken sleep, dehydration and lack of patience for toddler wrangling. I cannot drink like I used to, which is good, but I forget that !!

I actually dread social things as I know I will want to drink, if I don’t go out I don’t drink for months on end now!

jayho · 14/04/2018 19:46

thanks pill

I'm going to have to start tomorrow as I was the best part of a bottle down when I found this thread. I've started so I can't stop. I know this is bollocks. I'm a grown up adult with a responsible job and children. I need to sort this and fast. I need to start reaching out and admitting I have a problem and doing something about it.

Thisisanewbeginning · 14/04/2018 20:13

I’m joining too. I binge drink and have noticed an increase in the last month. Probably because I ended my long term relationship. I need a healthier habit!

I can’t have one glass I drink the whole bottle. Fed up of feeling like crap. So much is going well in my life and this needs sorting now.

babycow38 · 15/04/2018 00:21

Hello dry babes ! Just want to say im overaweed and bloody proud of each and everyone of you who have taken the courageto post. I want to give a massive hug to you all xxx so wish we could meet irl but for now let me say i am so proud of you guys, sharing, loving, and companinship . Xxx

OP posts:
babycow38 · 15/04/2018 00:24

I'm still doing the struggle, its fucking hard when you know the pain gets better with the bottle but we know the bottle increases rthe pain x

OP posts:
Thisisanewbeginning · 15/04/2018 01:25

Day one done. It was easy as I was dreadfully hung over.

Wittow · 15/04/2018 05:47

I'm on day 3. Probably the most stressful time of my life as my mum is dying. I'm staying with her at her home, she is on a syringe driver of morphine right now. It's just a waiting game.

Not feeling great physically because I'm not sleeping or eating right but I know this will pass.

littlepill · 15/04/2018 09:21

Wittow I am so sorry. I have been there, and to say it's hugely stressful seems minimal. You are doing so well, being there for your mum in her last moments. Don't worry about not sleeping and not eating - that sounds wrong, but your body can do amazing things through stress, and you will catch up later. Be kind to yourself Flowers Wishing you huge strength...

Here: thought I'd not drink last night but I made a beef thing and it needed wine Hmm Plus, my decree absolute came through and my ex was here and told me. I haven't yet had the correspondence and I feel pissed off about that. Everything is in the man's favour, it seems. All the bills still get sent in his name, even though it's me paying Confused It may be my bias, but I feel a bit bitter.

Had 2 glass of red last night.

I need to stop this. My throat hurts, I am all flabby and scared to go out. Lost so much weight with the divorce and looked & felt better. Now am anxiety ridden, getting broke, getting flabby.

Sounds like you are all doing better than I am!

CiderwithBuda · 15/04/2018 09:33

Wittow - I am sorry. That sounds incredibly hard. Don’t be too hard on yourself at this time.

Littlepill - two glasses sounds ok to me. Especially in the face of such crap going on.

I had too much last night. A gin and tonic and too much red wine. And a massive row with DH in the middle of it all. Probably not helped by or contributed to by the alcohol. Horrible.

Today is another day.

Thisisanewbeginning · 16/04/2018 10:50

Haven’t had a drink since Friday now. I was tempted last night but I resisted going to the shop. My aim is to manage one day at a time with the goal of a week.
We can do this Flowers

PosyFossilsShoes · 16/04/2018 11:20

The Alcohol Experiment linked earlier - how does it work? I've signed up but I'm not sure what it's meant to do. Just it just track how long you are AF for?

8SaltandVinegar · 16/04/2018 14:38

I need help so so bad. I've had a ridiculously hard few months and I've used alcohol as a crutch. I'd be embarrassed to tell you how many bottles I drank over the last week. My son was away with his dad and I just get so upset.

I started waking in the morning shaking and drank more. It totally spiralled. I want to be free of this. I definitely won't go to meetings and I cannot go to the GP.

I quit drinking at about 5am this morning. I feel like absolute shit. I've taken 2 xanax to try and chill me out and its only taken the edge off. I've 3 xanax left and maybe I'll keep one for tonight and maybe tomorrow won't be as bad.

I don't eat when I drink. I could go days and days without eating.

Wishing you all the best. I hope I can do it.

CiderwithBuda · 16/04/2018 16:42

I had a gin and tonic and red wine again last night. Again too much as evidenced by waking up at 3am and not being able to get back to sleep.

Waves at 8SaltandVinegar - sorry you are having such a hard time. It sounds like you might need more help than posting on here. If you e been drinking that much you might need medical help to stop.

You need to eat. You need to rehydrate. Hot sweet tea? Toast? I e never had xanax so no idea what to advise on that.

littlepill · 16/04/2018 17:15

Hello 8SaltandVinegar I'm sorry you are so bad. I had a crap day yesterday, too - started at lunchtime and had about 1.5 bottles by 6 pm.

But you know what? Today is another day. It's ok. You can do it. Small steps. Does it help you to identify triggers? I drink when my DCs are away, too. If I go out, I have 2 glasses (instead of 2 bottles Shock) which I see as progress. Not that it happens that much these days, I am getting worse instead of better.

No alcohol in the house today and I'm not going out to buy it later. I want to stay sober for a deadline on Wednesday. It helps to have some extra hours...

Cider Me too, woke up early, rubbish sleep when drinking. Urghhhhh.

Hugs to us all. We need self-love....

8SaltandVinegar · 16/04/2018 20:21

Thanks everyone. I'm far less jittery and anxious than I was earlier.

Having major issues with my babies dad, we are trying to repair our relationship. I just get frustrated and I just totally binged for the week. I'm confident I can do this. Put the last few months behind me.

He just came over and agreed to relationship counselling. We both agree we love each other but he's hurting over something that happened last year.

Fucking alcohol. What a curse.

Hope we can all support each other on our journey.

CiderwithBuda · 16/04/2018 22:03

Glad you are feeling a bit better 8Salt.

Not alcohol free tonight here. But controlled. A gin and tonic and two glasses of red wine. Followed by two glasses of water and a mint tea.

DH goes away tomorrow until Friday so I won’t be tempted. I never even think of drinking now when he is not here. I used to but stopped a few years ago.

littlepill · 17/04/2018 10:17

Controlled drinking is good. Sorry about the relationship problems, 8Salt.

Amazingly, I had an alcohol-free night. Was too busy to go and buy wine. By the time I had finished everything it was 10 and not worth it. Think I need to fill my hours at this time. It helps that some online work has started for me, so I can log on during those long hours of 5-10 pm.

I didn’t gain much last night, but was able to wake early and do a bit of work from bed at 7 am until now. Pretty productive!

I have to log this here so I can spot my patterns. A lot of the time I drink, not so much through loneliness (although being alone facilitates it) but through boredom. Ironically I drink less in company.

Friend has made contact & we are going out a week on Friday, so maybe can keep it controlled until then.

Still so bloated and have a spare tyre round my waist. Does alcohol do this to you?

CiderwithBuda · 17/04/2018 10:36

Well I’m 5 stone over weight anyway. And I reckon a lot of it is from drinking. A glass of wine has the same amount of calories as a Cornetto or a jam donught. I lose weight fairly easily when I stop. So this week I will drop a few pounds while DH is away and I’m not drinking. If I drink at the weekend it will all go back on again.

Belindabelle · 17/04/2018 13:08

Gosh some of you are really going through it on here. I really appreciate everyones honesty.

I went out on Saturday and took along 3 cans of pre mixed vodka and tonic plus some extra tonic to keep my glass topped up all night. I also had 2 glasses of champagne on arrival. There was loads of wine available but I just stuck to my own drinks. No one noticed how much I was drinking and I had a good night.

On Sunday we were out for dinner and I has a medium glass of white wine. Once home I had 2 large vodka and tonics and I am annoyed with myself as they really were not needed.

DH had gone to bed and I was up late watching tv alone.

I am going to try and stay away from all alcohol for another 5 weeks or so. I started a diet yesterday and there are no spare calories for alcohol so hopefully this will help me.

nightowl99 · 17/04/2018 16:13

I just joined the other Babes thread, but I think this one may be a better fit for me, as I'm also just starting out on the journey to get my drinking under control.

A little (well, quite a lot actually!) about me... I'm mid-30s, no DCs and have been drinking too much for about 10 years now. Up until about seven years ago I was able to have two to three nights off a week fairly regularly, and felt I had my drinking under control to some extent.

Since then things have been getting more and more out of control, to the point where I'm consuming a bottle or two of lager - followed by a whole bottle of wine - every night (plus two or three homemade cocktails to follow on several nights a week).

Needless to say I'm feeling absolutely terrible waking up each morning, to the point where I'm taking three or four days off work each month (I'm self-employed) because I feel too ill, lethargic, sick and fuzzy headed to get out of bed. The housework is also falling behind on these days as I just don't have the energy to keep on top of it.

I've also embarrassed myself at social functions in the past due to drinking - slurring my words, falling over in front of friends and family, starting arguments and getting overly emotional and angry with others and falling out. I've been told numerous times by at least one family member that I need to cut down on the booze. Despite all this I've just kept drinking and drinking.

Anyway, things came to a head last Friday evening, when DH and I went out for drinks following a stressful week at work for the both of us. I over-indulged on the wine and ended up with a horrendous hangover all day Saturday (yesterday).

As a result I felt too ill to cook the big dinner we had planned, and had to throw away the meat I'd put out as it had been defrosted for too long (and with money being quite tight, I feel so guilty about food going to waste!)

We therefore ended up ordering a takeaway on Saturday evening instead (wasting more money) and I had about half a bottle of wine plus several beers, despite being hung over.

To make matters worse, this morning I woke up with horrendous food poisoning and feel dreadful (DH, who had a different dish from the same restaurant and also drank yesterday, is fine).

I've been feeling terrible all day and as I've been in bed for most of it, I have had barely anything to eat or drink - including alcohol! It's now got to 8pm - DH is drinking a glass of wine and I'm resisting, which I'm finding far easier than usual just because I feel so ill.

Anyway, this weekend has really brought home to me what a bad influence alcohol is in my life. I've wasted a ton of money getting drunk on Friday, and throwing away food and ordering takeaways I didn't even want on Saturday. I've also been stuck in the house for the entire two days, doing nothing productive or fun and generally feeling awful.

My business is going through a really stressful time at the moment, and I know I'm using alcohol as a crutch to escape it all. However, I can see that this is a complete catch 22: while alcohol does allow me that "escapism" for a couple of hours in the evenings, it means I feel terrible for the whole next day and am unproductive and anxious about my work. I'm genuinely getting to the point where I'm worried that if I don't massively cut down on drinking or stop altogether, my business could go under and I will have no income.

I know that another reason I drink is down to self esteem issues - I'm just a naturally very shy, quiet person who worries constantly that others are judging me the whole time. I have suffered from a chronic lack of confidence my whole life really, which hasn't ever gotten much better, despite people telling me it would with age.

Help!

8SaltandVinegar · 17/04/2018 23:00

@Nightowl It's so not worth it, is it!? The anxiety after a night on the lash is just awful.

Well I'm on day 2 of no alcohol and I made some huge decisions on things that were making me unhappy and turning to alcohol.

My jitters lasted until about 4pm today. It was fucking awful. I hope I never put myself through that again, and i hope I haven't damaged my body.

Hope everyone is doing good.

Moneyissue2 · 17/04/2018 23:21

This is a great thread for me too, thank you. I was a bottle sometimes plus a quarter) a night woman. Woke In night with sweats, paranoia and anxiety the next was a terrible problem.

Can now control to no alcohol when I’m really hung over which will be one day maximum and very rarely, two days without.

I find having a strong tasting disgusting wine replacement really helpful. I will still drink it as there is nothing else available but I could never finish the bottle.

I also find cutting down easier to deal with psychologically. Small steps.