I just joined the other Babes thread, but I think this one may be a better fit for me, as I'm also just starting out on the journey to get my drinking under control.
A little (well, quite a lot actually!) about me... I'm mid-30s, no DCs and have been drinking too much for about 10 years now. Up until about seven years ago I was able to have two to three nights off a week fairly regularly, and felt I had my drinking under control to some extent.
Since then things have been getting more and more out of control, to the point where I'm consuming a bottle or two of lager - followed by a whole bottle of wine - every night (plus two or three homemade cocktails to follow on several nights a week).
Needless to say I'm feeling absolutely terrible waking up each morning, to the point where I'm taking three or four days off work each month (I'm self-employed) because I feel too ill, lethargic, sick and fuzzy headed to get out of bed. The housework is also falling behind on these days as I just don't have the energy to keep on top of it.
I've also embarrassed myself at social functions in the past due to drinking - slurring my words, falling over in front of friends and family, starting arguments and getting overly emotional and angry with others and falling out. I've been told numerous times by at least one family member that I need to cut down on the booze. Despite all this I've just kept drinking and drinking.
Anyway, things came to a head last Friday evening, when DH and I went out for drinks following a stressful week at work for the both of us. I over-indulged on the wine and ended up with a horrendous hangover all day Saturday (yesterday).
As a result I felt too ill to cook the big dinner we had planned, and had to throw away the meat I'd put out as it had been defrosted for too long (and with money being quite tight, I feel so guilty about food going to waste!)
We therefore ended up ordering a takeaway on Saturday evening instead (wasting more money) and I had about half a bottle of wine plus several beers, despite being hung over.
To make matters worse, this morning I woke up with horrendous food poisoning and feel dreadful (DH, who had a different dish from the same restaurant and also drank yesterday, is fine).
I've been feeling terrible all day and as I've been in bed for most of it, I have had barely anything to eat or drink - including alcohol! It's now got to 8pm - DH is drinking a glass of wine and I'm resisting, which I'm finding far easier than usual just because I feel so ill.
Anyway, this weekend has really brought home to me what a bad influence alcohol is in my life. I've wasted a ton of money getting drunk on Friday, and throwing away food and ordering takeaways I didn't even want on Saturday. I've also been stuck in the house for the entire two days, doing nothing productive or fun and generally feeling awful.
My business is going through a really stressful time at the moment, and I know I'm using alcohol as a crutch to escape it all. However, I can see that this is a complete catch 22: while alcohol does allow me that "escapism" for a couple of hours in the evenings, it means I feel terrible for the whole next day and am unproductive and anxious about my work. I'm genuinely getting to the point where I'm worried that if I don't massively cut down on drinking or stop altogether, my business could go under and I will have no income.
I know that another reason I drink is down to self esteem issues - I'm just a naturally very shy, quiet person who worries constantly that others are judging me the whole time. I have suffered from a chronic lack of confidence my whole life really, which hasn't ever gotten much better, despite people telling me it would with age.
Help!