I met someone on OLD three months ago and I am having serious doubts about how genuine he is. He has been very keen from the get go, showering me with compliments and always wanting to make plans to see me.
However, he never seems to have any money and I’m starting to wonder if he has latched onto me as he knows I’m financially comfortable. I own my own house and earn a good salary. He claims to earn good money but he still lives at home with his parents (we are mid 30s). About six weeks ago he told me we wouldn’t be able to go out much for the next few weeks as he has money problems he needs to sort out. I said that’s fine and on a couple of occasions we went out and I paid for dinner. The rest of the time he’s been coming to my house and we’ve just chilled out here but that has bothered me as I feel like there’s been no effort on his part, it’s as though he’s happy to come round, have dinner and sex and then he goes off to work the next morning. For context I live a ten min drive from his workplace whereas he has a 90 minute commute so I am seeing this as a red flag - it’s so convenient for him to come here and go to work the next day.
He does a lot of overtime at weekends and as a result, he’s not around much so I make plans to see my friends. For example, he told me he was booked in to do a night shift tonight so I’ve arranged to go out for drinks. When I told him this he seemed irritated and said: “well actually I was going to take you out for dinner but don’t worry about it.” Apparently his shift has been cancelled but didn’t think to tell me until I said I had made arrangements. This has happened a few times now where he’s said he’s unavailable then gets shirty if I say I’m doing something. I feel like he’s guilt tripping me and has no intention of taking me out, he’s just trying to make me feel bad.
This morning he has just told me that yet again he has an unexpected bill to pay and it’s going to be another month before he can afford to do anything with me. He’s clearly heavily in debt which I understand is a burden as I used to be in a similar situation but my gut is telling me he sees me as a meal ticket. He’s asked to drive my car on a couple of occasions and I’ve said no, he’s also asked if he can have my NowTv login details so he can watch programmes on his phone when he’s not with me (I said no) and he keeps asking if he can start leaving clothes and other stuff at mine. When we first met he said he was saving up to move into his own place, now he is saying he can’t afford it and will be staying with his parents for the forseeable - I’m guessing he is hoping to move in with me eventually. The thing that rankles is that he can find the money to pursue his hobbies and even book a weekend away with his friends but when it comes to me, he barely puts his hand in his pocket.
I would dearly love to settle down and have a family but i Just can’t see it happening with this guy. I’m not materialistic and am not looking for someone to take me to Michelin starred restaurants but it would be nice to occasionally go out and split the billl. I’ve suggested we go out and do something free like go for a nice walk and he seems keen but this never happens. It doesn’t help that he’s bragged about how much he has previously spent on luxury holidays and nights out with previous partners, I feel like I am getting crumbs in comparison. He says he feels embarrassed that I’ve had to pay for things but My gut is telling me I’m being a mug and I need to get out, would love some opinions please.
Thank you