Dating and being fat

[myteadontlie]

As the title says. I have been single for 5 years and have an impression that the main reason I haven't got a partner or even bf is the fact I am fat. I wear size 20/22, 5ft8, weighing 18 stones. I try to look after myself and I don't think I am hideous but still just too big.
Over the last year I have lost 2 stones, was size 24 before, which made me feel better and I hope I can keep loosing but it takes so much time and in my age (39) weight comes off so slowly!

To sum up, I don't feel happy and accept myself the way I am, but I think I am pretty good at covering it and come across as a confident person. But still not sure how it all affects my dating. I always mention in my description I am curvy/large but have mainly face pics or upper body parts pics. If it comes to a date, it usually is just one date. I feel that most of the men I find attractive, don't find me attractive enough because of my body. I am told I have a pretty face and a lovely personality but it seems not to matter enough to keep a guy keen.

I had a fwb for a while and while he is somehow attracted to me, I know he likes slender women. I used to meet him because the sex was really good and he was never disrespectful, but in low moments I felt rubbish, knowing that he drools over his slim and young co-workers. The other guy I kept meeting for a couple of months seemed to really like me for 'me' and claimed he 'loved' my looks (especially the face again!)... and tbh I felt like he was the 1st one that I felt fully comfortable around both when out and in bed. But he couldn't commit and eventually confessed he still loves his ex, so I just cannot keep thinking of him or use him as good example of matters between me and men, as it still is painful, despite the fact it has been a year since we parted.

Anyway, I wanted and want to move on and start dating again but the thought of going over it again and 'putting myself there' doesn't make me too excited, mainly because of my looks. On the other hand I am so lonely and have zero chances of meeting new men in my real life (tried!) so realistically OLD is my only option.

To sum up- how do you do it, dating wise, curvy/big ladies? How do you present yourself on your profiles descption and pics wise, and how do you behave when meeting men in person? Do you get any dates and do they lead onto sth long term? I am not a fan of all that 'flaunt' it attitude, I just try to behave in a normal and not too overpowering way... also there is so much said that its the inside that matters, personality etc. but still I cannot get rid of impression that being fat/big -more often than not- does actually stop you from getting a boyfriend or a partner.

I often notice couples are around the same size true - probably because when they spend a lot of time together they end up eating the same food and doing the same things. When my dp goes on a diet I end up eating better and walking more

In my experience dating is a numbers game. Eventually you will find someone that you genuinely click with. It's not all about dress size. When I dated ( and I was very athletic shape) I still could not find guys that were interesting and interested. Just keep doing what you're doing!

larger ladies tend to pair off with gentlemen who don't have the option of dating average weight ladies

I actually don't think this is true, and I think it's a shitty thing to say, as it indicates you think anyone with a larger partner would rather be with someone slimmer and is making do.

In my experience some men just prefer larger women. I have an aunt who is obese, she always has been, her husband, my uncle, is an attractive, slim and successful business owner and a wealthy man. She was that size when they met, she got bigger through bearing two kids, and she is still that size, they are one of the happiest couples I know and have been married a very long time.

I clearly don't know if larger women are his preference, but I do know he loves her and I do know they are physically attracted to each other, I also know had he wished to be with a slim women he could very easily have been, it would have been the easiest thing in the world for him. That was not his choice or his preference.

So I think you're both offensive and naive to think that any man dating a larger woman is only doing so because no slimmer woman will look at him, it's really not the case.

Your issue is not your weight, it's your self esteem. Of course you are attractive or your FWB would not have found you sexually desirable. All those slim women on OLD are thinking they are too old, or have kids, or are too choosy, or are not choosy enough. You weight is just your excuse.

Agree with no apology for being larger - why should you? Instead include a couple of full body shots.OLD is not about getting a date, it's about getting the right dates.

Re wearing chill out clothes rather than getting dolled up all the time...i find that us larger people tend to wear baggy, shapeless clothes which we feel comfortable in because they don't cling and show thie body shape, rather than something fitted or with a belt. I fell into this trap and have 'banned the baggy' because they made me looked fatter!