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Original poster

How to seduce an uptight Englishman - desperate for advice please

91 replies

helenaxxx · 04/04/2018 21:14

I really want to know, how to initiate romance with a shy Englishman. I’m dating a really great man, I adore him but we seen to be stuck in friends zone. He’s friendly and confident, but romantically very shy, so whilst being the perfect and kindest English gentleman he hasn’t ever done anything to suggest he’d like something more. He sends lovely texts and initiates dates, but they are always a walk, lunch or cinema ended with a kiss on the cheek. Not a single compliment on my appearance or even a touch on the arm.
Been on so many dates and now and I’ve started to get emotionally involved and feeling pretty desperate just for hug. I’m not asking for a night of passion, would just love to hold hands.
The situation feels strange to me, but then I’ve never dated an English man, I’m used to very direct and pushy foreign men who have always made the moves. I realise I’m also shy and rubbish at making the moves. But I’ve got to muster up the courage and do it gracefully.
I know some of you ladies out there know how to make the moves on a slightly uptight Englishman. I’d really love some advice.
Or are you a shy Englishman, what should I do?

How does a woman tell a man she likes him in a no pressure charming way?
How does a woman gracefully initiate that first physical contact?
Help !!
There’s been no physical imtimacy and also no intimate chit chat, eg about us getting together, how we are feeling or past relationships etc. I need to initiate this somehow and I want to tell him how much I like him, that I’d like to be more than friends, if he did too, no pressure etc, but it’s like crossing a line. It just feels like it would be impolite. I always wimp out, never find the right moment to even hint at this. I don’t even know if he’s ever had a girlfriend. Though conversation flows freely and he just feels really kind to me.
He won’t invite me out to dinner. Is this a sign he’s not ready to jump into romance? Or could it be he’s just unconfident.

I was thinking I need to orchestrate cooking for him at his house, that way he wouldn’t be driving. I’m an excellent cook and I suspect he has a real weakness for yummy home cooked food, then we could share a bottle of wine, which might give me some Dutch courage to just take the lead and open up a bit and see if he then reciprocates.
Next date will be a brief one, just coffee this weekend as it’s rainy and he has visitors.

OP posts:
Original poster
helenaxxx · 04/04/2018 21:15

.

OP posts:
ProseccoAndFries · 04/04/2018 21:17

Maybe he doesn’t want more and is happy being friends?

LiteraryDevil · 04/04/2018 21:19

I'm not sure what being English has got to do with itHmm I'm English and have only dated English men and they've never had any problems making a move when the time was right. They aren't a special breed you know.

TatianaLarina · 04/04/2018 21:20

I don’t know OP, even by shy Englishman standards it sounds rather odd.

I think your plan is a good one. But I wonder if he thinks you’re just friends.

Userplusnumbers · 04/04/2018 21:22

LOL @LiteraryDevil - I feel this is a case offence being taken, not given...

@OP, just tell him you like him as more than a friend and see what he says. It sounds like you're both a bit shy so he might be hoping you're the one to raise it. If not, at least you'll know.

DextroDependant · 04/04/2018 21:23

Sounds like he sees you as just a friend.

AuntieStella · 04/04/2018 21:28

I doubt very much that he would see this as dating (as opposed to just meeting up with a mate). If he was romantically interested in you, something would have happened by now.

"he hasn’t ever done anything to suggest he’d like something more"

Perhaps that's because he doesn't. But if you want to try the home cooking plan, go for it. Just think beforehand how you will extricate yourself (leaving friendship potentially repairable) if he does not welcome advances.

Haffiana · 04/04/2018 21:29

How old are you both?

TheJoyOfSox · 04/04/2018 21:30

Does he want to have a romantic relationship do you know?

Try cooking him a meal, ply him with a beer or three, wine with dinner, brandy to finish, he’ll be too drunk to drive home. If he doesn’t make a move after spending the night together, he’s not interested.

MonkeyPoke · 04/04/2018 21:31

We got drunk together. Now married with children 😎

letsdolunch321 · 04/04/2018 21:33

Maybe he needs a nice glass of wine to loosen him up if he is shy

Original poster
helenaxxx · 04/04/2018 21:36

I’m 47 and he’s 52. I thought this was the making friends bit before getting romantically involved, which I thought was very sensible. Not something I’ve done before, previously rushed into committed relationships too quickly. That wasn’t so good.

Anyway, I’m happy to be just friends, i guess I just need to show a bit of leadership and initiate the conversation.

OP posts:
capturingdaydreams · 04/04/2018 21:38

OP sounds like these aren't dates. He probably does see you as a friend. I know plenty of shy men and none of them are too shy to pursue a lady. He probably has no idea you like him. Just get him drunk and pounce on him. :)

merville · 04/04/2018 21:38

Sorry to rain on the parade but in my experience men like this, even if you get into some sort of relationship by making the first move, always tend to be a pain in the arse.

As others have said it's not really much to do with being English; we all know plenty of English-men who've been perfectly capable of proactively seeking every kind of relationship from casual to marriage-minded. It's his personality. If I were you I'd aim to get to know him better (with an open & critical mind) to assess what's going with him. You'd need to pull way back on your feelings/interest level to do so though.

Original poster
helenaxxx · 04/04/2018 21:42

I guess the wine test is a good one. It does help. I might just say that to him when I see him next. .. we haven’t shared a bottle of wine together, we should do that some time. Then see if he seems keen. I did that with the cinema and then he kept asking to go to the cinema after I suggested it.

OP posts:
LiteraryDevil · 04/04/2018 21:47

How long have you been dating? I find it odd he hasn't suggested going out for a meal. It seems he's happy to do whatever you suggest. It doesn't bode well if he's not an initiator. I've been there, it's tiring, and depressing that they can't drum up the enthusiasm to suggest and plan a date.

Original poster
helenaxxx · 04/04/2018 21:52

been dating for two months. I was very much happy to just be friends at first and was giving off that vibe. I was just aware that I had made the mistake of rushing into relationships before.

OP posts:
Original poster
helenaxxx · 04/04/2018 21:58

Thanks for the frank advice. It’s appreciated.
I guess it is odd, normally guys are pushing for a dinner date and that means they would like some romance.

OP posts:
LiteraryDevil · 04/04/2018 22:01

Maybe your friends vibe made him think it was pointless trying. Do you link arms whilst walking or anything similar? I thought you were going to say he was in his late 50s or early 60s. My ex FWB is slightly older than your guy and he was never backwards about coming forwards! Does he flirt at all?

Mii34 · 04/04/2018 22:03

I had this for 3 months before the relationship started. I made the first move after a drink or two. Similar ages, he just didn't want to presume I wanted more than friends.

annandale · 04/04/2018 22:06

I second the 'get drunk and lean against him until something happens' approach. Invite him for a game of darts in the pub for a kickoff. Alternatively, impose a little on the situation - when youve had that peck on the cheek, try for a smooch and see if he flinched away warning;it's not nice when this happens

LittleRedTerfette · 04/04/2018 22:09

Honestly? It shouldn’t be this hard!
I’d be looking elsewhere, these are not dates IMO

IrenetheQuaint · 04/04/2018 22:12

Yes, drink is your friend. Even if he still doesn't make a move, you should get drunk and say something really classy like "So are we going to kiss then?"

YokoHama · 04/04/2018 22:12

OP what is it about your relationship with this man that makes you think you are ‘dating’?

Original poster
helenaxxx · 04/04/2018 22:13

Yes, I need to force the situation and then move on if need be.
No physical contact normally.

OP posts: