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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm ltb. Help me to follow through. Black eye :(

123 replies

LoveYouSo · 31/03/2018 04:02

So. I've posted on here before in a different name. I can't change my user name right now, but here goes.

My H punched me in the face. It started off as EA, now it is physical.

I have a lot of debt. I only work 15 hours pwk, but I love my job. How do I go about this? We rent, but I don't want to move and uproot the dc. How do I do this?

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveYouSo · 31/03/2018 07:21

2 hours or so from now, by a male relative.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveYouSo · 31/03/2018 07:22

Hi Wish yes, I am safe at the moment.

OP posts:
Solasum · 31/03/2018 07:24

I am so sorry this has happened to you OP. The police will listen. Having had a few drinks is NOT an excuse for punching someone in the face. Get the police to take him away, and get whoever is collecting you to stay with you for a few days. You can do this!

Mooey89 · 31/03/2018 07:31

You can do this OP, I did it when my ex strangled me, hard but so worth it

Firstly, and I cannot stress this enough
Call the police.
You’ll need this logged. Just practically - if you ever need to go to court, for child access, for an occupation order, for a non mol order, you’ll need a record that this happened.
I didn’t report it, and it made things much more difficult.
Legal aid rules are tight, and you’ll only qualify if you have records of the abuse.
It will give any of your case weight in court.

I know that’s hard. I was still minimising what happened - I didn’t want him to be arrested, lose his job whatever.

You can get an occupation order so you can stay in the house, I think.
You can also get a non molestation order if you need one - the national centre for domestic violence will help you with this if you need it.

Call the police and get him moved, and then decide what you want to do. Stay in your house? Or new house and fresh start?

Good luck OP x

SrDuess · 31/03/2018 07:37

Good luck op! Your doing the right thing

InsomniaInTheMiddle · 31/03/2018 07:37

What the poster above said. Please call the police, if for no other reason but to give you access to Legal Aid. I know it’s hard to think about the future now but this could make a huge difference.

Flomy · 31/03/2018 07:43

If you can eventually stay in your home or other rented accomodation, and work 1 more hour a week, you will get help with housing benefit and some tax credits. Do not worry about that for now.

Keep you and DC safe Flowers

Itchytights · 31/03/2018 07:46

I am sorry that this has been happening to you op.

I am in a similar situation- my husband was recently arrested. I obviously can’t disclose a lot.

I am sorting out finances atm and filing for divorce etc

It is truly heartbreaking and painful but be strong for your children and for yourself.

You deserve better. Good luck. Please do think about contacting the police- they are there to help you

Original poster
LoveYouSo · 31/03/2018 07:59

Once we're away, I'm calling the police. Then I will go to hospital to have my face looked at.

Thank you everyone for your support.

OP posts:
ApplesTheHare · 31/03/2018 08:02

Good luck LoveYouSo and stay strong. You deserve so much more than thisFlowers

topsy2tails · 31/03/2018 08:04

Good girl!!! hold your resolve! He's a vile disgusting excuse of a man.
You and your children deserve better! Thanks

RubberJohnny · 31/03/2018 08:05

Good luck darling. Everytime you doubt yourself look at your kids and realise that you are protecting them and preventing them having fucked up relationships in the future.

MyNameIsNotSteven · 31/03/2018 08:16

Sorry this has happened to you OP. You do need to find the courage to report it because otherwise your DCs are going to be spending a lot of unsupervised time with him.

twinone · 31/03/2018 08:22

I hope today is a new start for you. I'm guessing there will be tough times ahead but you are doing the right thing for you and your dc.
Stay strong!

Addy2 · 31/03/2018 08:24

Well done you! Have you got the paperwork for you and your kids, as PP mentioned?

lolli18 · 31/03/2018 08:30

Hope everything's ok xx

Original poster
LoveYouSo · 31/03/2018 09:12

He's gone out so he can avoid the person who is picking us up.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveYouSo · 31/03/2018 09:12

We're all OK.

OP posts:
GinaLinetti99 · 31/03/2018 09:26

Have you been picked up yet? Well done OP.

Original poster
LoveYouSo · 31/03/2018 09:27

20 minutes til collection.

I'm feeling empty/hollow inside.

OP posts:
user1499333856 · 31/03/2018 09:29

If you don't clearly show what he did is unacceptable then nothing will ever change.

Your partner doesn't sound remotely sorry.

MrsBertBibby · 31/03/2018 09:30

Don't leave behind things you can't replace, like photos, and memory box stuff.

And take your passports/birth certificates.

blueskyinmarch · 31/03/2018 09:34

Does your DH accept at all that what he did was wrong?

Original poster
LoveYouSo · 31/03/2018 09:37

He said sorry for punching me, but not sorry for everything else. He threw insults at me and my family yesterday, which he says he's not sorry for.

I don't care. I have left him.

OP posts:
Follyfoot · 31/03/2018 09:39

Lots of us are giving you a virtual hand hold. Such a brave thing to do, and you are giving yourself and your children an opportunity to live a happy and peaceful life.

It's so hard to leave an abuser, I hope you realise what an achievement this is.

The financials can be sorted later. I worked very part-time like you, and we had a big loan and a mortgage. It seemed insurmountable, but everything worked out just fine. Very good advice about having a record of your injuries - it's evidence that might be useful later.

Loads of luck and and a big virtual hug!

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