AIBU Not invited to friends wedding

[redpassport]

I'm not sure what to think, but I do feel a bit put out and upset by this.
I've been friends with her for about 7 years and I thought reasonably close. We socialise together regularly etc. I've been very supportive over the past 7 years towards her through relationships, jobs, life etc.
She met a guy approx 2 years ago and I'm very happy for her. All her dreams have been answered. New home, new partner and a lovely life ahead of her.
I've been asked to be part of her hen weekend as a group of 4 "close" friends and it'll cost me more than a few quid - that's fine but.....when it comes to the wedding I'm not invited. The wedding will be a good 45/1 hour drive away in the middle of nowhere, but I'm invited to the evening - again it'll cost me an overnight in a very expensive area. I've no issue with the idea of an overnight or the cost, but I'm less enthusiastic about it when I'm clearly not considered as a close enough friend to attend the wedding itself......AIBU?
Clearly it's her choice who to or not to invite to her wedding, I get that...but it's still a little hard to swallow....

You're doing the right thing sacking off the gen do. Especially if it means taking time off work.
I'd probably consider driving over to the evening for a short while to support the wedding, but not drink and not stay long (and, not get involved in giving lifts either)

You are not being unreasonable. It's not very nice what she has done. Maybe politely decline reception invitation. If asked just say it wasn't feasible to go, but then put it behind you and don't bear a grudge just try and carry on friendship if possible. Take the moral high ground and see where it goes.

Am I the only one who doesn’t get this more recent trend for hen weekends which cost the earth? Whatever happened to a hen night in a club

TBH I don’t agree that there is anything wrong with day/evening invites per se. If you’re inviting close family to a sit down meal then you will have an amount per head and the room you are hiring may even have a limit on the numbers of people they’ll accommodate. However if you want to invite other friends/family to celebrate what’s wrong with having an evening do with a disco and a buffet etc?

That being said if you’re being expected to shell out 300 quid for a weekend then yes I would expect an invite to the day. If it had been a night in a club that would be different even but a whole weekend with cash involved I would definitely pull out of that and I would tell her why.

ChaosNeverRains

I agree, the cost of hen nights/weekends/and even weeks is spiraling out of control. What's wrong with one night out together locally, or to a nice club in a city, no special invitation needed, just a group of friends enjoying the evening and having a laugh together. Where's it going to end?

'Likewise, evening only invites exist to make up numbers for a party and to maximise on gifts or cash requests.'
Oh, no, the couple will tell you it's to give everyone a chance to celebrate their love (and hand over money).

Even worse are these invitations that invite guests to the ceremony and then fuck off till the evening whilst the select few get a meal.

Sounds like you should sack off both events OP

If they haven't said "no gifts" then with evening invites, they're angling for gifts anyway.

I actually interpreted your post as the wedding being 4.5 hours away btw, not 45 mins. But regardless, this has been set up very oddly.

I've been to few hens without going to a wedding (ussually friends sisters etc) but .... it's was a usual Friday night out on the town, without any expectations of meals/paying for the bride/silly games etc

I think your friend is rude

Expat that was what happened with one of our friends. We came back at the specific time, they were still not finished an hour later, how rude. At the evening, they had soggy pizza and sandwiches. They spent a fortune on a posh hotel, and planning this for 2 years. Certainly felt like A and B class guests.

I had a friend who booked a wedding she couldn’t afford (very expensive venue) meaning she couldn’t invite any actual guests.

We were a group of close friends and none were invited to the day part.
Luckily she sent hen do invites out after wedding ones. An expensive day time activity followed by a meal - we only went to meal. She bitched that no one came to day time bit, the evening bit was shit as everyone was pissed off.

She still sent us the wedding list and ignored us at the evening do. It broke us as a group of friends.

Omg EggZ rude rude rude. She just wanted to she could fleece out of you.

I don't think evening invites are rude but it is rude in the case. You are one of 4 only invited to the gen but not the actual ceremony, very cheeky.

I have been to a lot of evening dos - but they tend to be for DHs work colleagues and not friends.

Weddings make people arseholes quite often!

Are you sure you are not invited? Unless she is very unembarrassed person then i would have thought she wouldnt have answered so casually. How do you know for sure you just haven't received an invite?

It happened to me once. I saw friends had invites but i didn't so i presumed i was only invited to the night. It was over a month before we found out because I was too embarressed to say. My friend was ranting to a mutual friend about her lack of rsvp for a few of us and it turned out that her brother had forgotten to deliver the last few cards.

I wouldn't have gone to the hen either. I think its fine to have evening guests and it's fine to invite them to the hen if it's local and cheap.

Am I right in thinking you haven't received an invitation for the full day wedding (even though you know they've gone out) but you also haven't received an invitation to the night time do.

So at this point you are just speculating.